Topic: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory

[NoReins]

I completely agree. I told Christie today, I wanna think that he lived his life to the fullest, that he enjoyed and loved what he did and that he fulfilled his dreams in life... and that eventually he just went to sleep and didn't wake up, without even knowing what was happening to him. I'm sticking to this version because it brings me some comfort, and I don't wanna read any stuff that says otherwise.

I hope that too, Keren, with all my heart.

[roconner]

It's Another You Day ... Written by Julia Fordham & Gary Clark



It's another you day
It's another you day
There you are
At the bus stop by the car
You're the music on my radio
And I can't turn you down

You're the driver on the ghost train
That's pulling me around
You are the traffic
You are everywhere
It's another you day
It's another you day
There you are

By the bandstand in the park
You're the star in every picture
And I'm so unrehearsed
I see you in the mirror
I see myself reversed
You are a vision
You are everywhere

It's another you day
It's another you day

There you are
In my bedroom in the dark
I still think about you
All the time
You're always on my mind
That's okay
It's just another you day

It's another you day
It's another you day

There you are
At the bus stop by the car
It's another you day
It's another you day

There you are
By the bandstand in the park
There you are
In my bedroom in the dark
It's another you day

[babytammy7]

Roco, that's amazing and so beautiful..... :\'(  :\'(  :\'(

[JAKELANDIA]

That is gorgeous.

Rhyme XXIII

For a glance: the world;
For a smile: the heavens;
For a kiss...I don't know
What I'd give for a kiss!


GAB

[lauren123]

I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed and already posted but in the UK Now magazine on the feature about Heath there is a picture, and it's the same picture that's in the banner at the top - the tribute left for Heath outside his apartment. Thought it was nice how that picture was shown! x

[masetane]

I just got my issue of Entertainment Weekly in the mail.  There is a piece about Heath and his unfinished films starting on page 12.  Half the page has Ethan's picture from the flowers placed outside his Soho condo. 
Made me smile. 

[tpe]

Thanks lauren123 and masetane.  I would like to think that Heath also appreciates our small tribute.

[babytammy7]

I just got my issue of Entertainment Weekly in the mail.  There is a piece about Heath and his unfinished films starting on page 12.  Half the page has Ethan's picture from the flowers placed outside his Soho condo. 
Made me smile. 

I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed and already posted but in the UK Now magazine on the feature about Heath there is a picture, and it's the same picture that's in the banner at the top - the tribute left for Heath outside his apartment. Thought it was nice how that picture was shown! x

Oh my, that's so sweet.

[mikele]

mikele, thank you for these beautiful words. I took the liberty to translate them with the help of Google Translate, to share them with our friends. Please forgive me if I mangled any words, and please correct me.

Alors, ce jour là, j'ai compris que même le soleil avait perdu son éclat, que plus rien ne serait comme avant; la douceur de ton visage si chère à mon coeur paraissait déjà s'estomper, tout ce qui m'entourait n'avait plus d'importance. J'aurais voulu crier mon désespoir à en perdre la voix, à tarir la source de mes larmes au vent des montagnes, mais pourtant, c'est à chaque fois qu'une image douce et furtive du passé s'emparait de ma mémoire. Un sentiment d'une infinie solitude me submerge chaque jour, à chaque instant, mais tout le meilleur de toi est ancré en moi, comme soudé à jamais en mon coeur. Je sais maintenant que tu es à mes côtés Ennis, que lorsque je tombe à genoux tu es là pour me relever, et ton souffle, l'odeur de ta peau, tes caresses, je les ressens encore; j'entends parfois ta voix comme une brise courrir des sommets jusqu'aux plaines et s'engouffrer dans mon âme avec une douce sensation d'amour enfin retrouvé...Ennis je serai toujours là, j'ai toujours besoin de cela,.... besoin de toi.

O from that day, I realized that even the sun had lost its lustre, that nothing would be like before, the softness of your face so dear to my heart seemed already fading, everything around me no longer important. I wanted to shout my despair hoarse, let out my tears like mountain wind, but yet it is each time a fresh image of the past and furtive came upon my memory. A sense of infinite loneliness overwhelms me every day, at every moment, but the best of you is entrenched in me, and welded forever in my heart. I know now that you are at my side Ennis, I find that when you are kneeling there to get up, and your breath, the smell of your skin, your caresses, I still feel, I sometimes hear your voice as a breeze that carry from peaks to the plains and leap into my soul with a fresh feeling of love finally finding Ennis ... I will always be there, I always need that ,.... Need you.

Merci, mon ami.

Thank you very much dear friend for this very good work with the french words, really a pleasure to read the translation..
And thank so everyone for the wonderful words I have read

[mikele]

Few words I have written last year, and dedicaced to Heath and Lancecowboy2007

Chaque nuit mes yeux te cherchent dans le noir.
Ils ne te trouvent pas puisque tu n'es plus là. Le reflet de la lune donne à ce qui m'entoure une atmosphère irréelle. Ils me semblent si lointains ces jours où tu dormais à mes côtés, si lumineux, et pourtant leur éclat s'est estompé avec ton absence.
Doucement mes yeux se ferment sur ces jours anciens, et comme par magie mon esprit glisse vers toi.
Et puis, quelque part, ailleurs dans le souvenir, je sens à nouveau ton amour transfigurer mon âme, je sais qu'à mon réveil je serais comblé puisque cette nuit, il m'aura encore semblé que tu étais là, juste pour moi.
Each night my eyes look for you in the dark.
They don't found your face, cause you're not there. The glint of the moon shows all around me an unreal moment. They seems so far those days when you sleep next to me, so radian, and yet their brightness have stop to fade in your absence.
Slowly my eyes closeto this ancient days, and as if by magic my spirit moves to you.
And then, somewhere, elsewhere into memories, I feel again your love transforme my soul by happyness, and I know when I wake up I'll be fill with joy because this night seemed to me you was there, juste for me.

[vivici]

No-one can ever say it better than the following, a statement from Michelle Williams:

Please respect our need to grieve privately. My heart is broken. I am the mother of the most tender-hearted, high-spirited, beautiful little girl who is the spitting image of her father. All that I can cling to is his presence inside her that reveals itself every day. His family and I watch Matilda as she whispers to trees, hugs animals, and takes steps two at a time and we know that he is with us still. She will be brought up with the best memories of him.”

[tenterfieldgal]

You guys are all amazing. I've been reading through as much as I can (been having computer problems the last couple days) and all the tributes, song lyrics, poems -- everything is so beautiful that I can't stop the tears.

ksxks, rosie and no reins -- thank you all SO MUCH for listening to "Jack, I Swear" and for your wonderful comments. Those words from my heart have only one wish...and that is to touch others. I never thought I would be posting them anywhere under such circumstances.

I promised myself that after I had the demo recorded I was going to send a copy to Heath, as a thank you for bringing the part of Ennis to life so beautifully and sensitively -- and as a result, changing minds, hearts and lives. I kept procrastinating about looking into an address to send it to...and now I'll never have the chance again. But I have reached you guys and for that I will always be grateful.

No Reins -- I've never had any of my lyrics quoted before! You have no idea how much that warmed my heart.

ksxks -- you asked if I would post the lyrics here, so here you go...

"Jack, I Swear"

The subtle trace of breeze upon my face,
The sound of crackling embers as they fade,
The biting cold that rips my weakened heart,
The words catch in my throat, too long delayed.

I feel the breath of whispered words so near,
They comfort through the thin cold mountain the air.
That time of fear and longing intertwined…
Just for one sweet moment more - I swear.

Chorus:

When day is done I lie upon my bed,
Each lonely night, the same repeated prayer
To meet you once again in twilight sleep.
For just one single dream of you – I swear


To say I’d give my life is not enough,
This weathered weary heart’s not worth a dime.
The tragic truth will haunt me all my days,
I’ll bear the cross of blame that’s surely mine.

And as I slowly wake to morning rain,
I taste the tears still wet upon my face.
So desperate to reclaim my restless sleep,
Unwilling to release your sweet embrace.

Chorus:

But yes, the cold gray morning always finds me,
It knows not of my dreams and doesn’t care,
And so I rise to face the life I’ve chosen.
But oh, things would be different, Jack…I swear.
The world would be so different, I swear.

If any of you have a myspace, I would love to add you as a friend on mine. http://www.myspace.com/ret4

Thanks for being here.
Loretta

[Lis]

You guys are all amazing. I've been reading through as much as I can (been having computer problems the last couple days) and all the tributes, song lyrics, poems -- everything is so beautiful that I can't stop the tears.

ksxks, rosie and no reins -- thank you all SO MUCH for listening to "Jack, I Swear" and for your wonderful comments. Those words from my heart have only one wish...and that is to touch others. I never thought I would be posting them anywhere under such circumstances.

I promised myself that after I had the demo recorded I was going to send a copy to Heath, as a thank you for bringing the part of Ennis to life so beautifully and sensitively -- and as a result, changing minds, hearts and lives. I kept procrastinating about looking into an address to send it to...and now I'll never have the chance again. But I have reached you guys and for that I will always be grateful.

No Reins -- I've never had any of my lyrics quoted before! You have no idea how much that warmed my heart.

ksxks -- you asked if I would post the lyrics here, so here you go...

"Jack, I Swear"

The subtle trace of breeze upon my face,
The sound of crackling embers as they fade,
The biting cold that rips my weakened heart,
The words catch in my throat, too long delayed.

I feel the breath of whispered words so near,
They comfort through the thin cold mountain the air.
That time of fear and longing intertwined…
Just for one sweet moment more - I swear.

Chorus:

When day is done I lie upon my bed,
Each lonely night, the same repeated prayer
To meet you once again in twilight sleep.
For just one single dream of you – I swear


To say I’d give my life is not enough,
This weathered weary heart’s not worth a dime.
The tragic truth will haunt me all my days,
I’ll bear the cross of blame that’s surely mine.

And as I slowly wake to morning rain,
I taste the tears still wet upon my face.
So desperate to reclaim my restless sleep,
Unwilling to release your sweet embrace.

Chorus:

But yes, the cold gray morning always finds me,
It knows not of my dreams and doesn’t care,
And so I rise to face the life I’ve chosen.
But oh, things would be different, Jack…I swear.
The world would be so different, I swear.

If any of you have a myspace, I would love to add you as a friend on mine. http://www.myspace.com/ret4

Thanks for being here.
Loretta

I love the song, it's beautiful.  :\'( I have a myspace and I'm deff. adding you..you guys have some great much 

[Lis]

Hello Brokies...

In Chorus today, we took a day off to learn about the roots of Rock n' Roll and our teacher talked about the Beatles. It was interesting cuz they were an awsome band and my parents are also big fans. Before I left, she put on the song "Let it be" and I just started to sing the lyrics, and realized how beautiful the song was and how true it was. In the last moment, I thought of Heath, and like I've said before and as Jack said it in Annie Proulx SS, "Let it be"..it's the scary truth..

This evening, after dinner, I heard of the statement Michelle said and it was beautiful but heartbreaking. I know it must be so hard for her and to look into her daughter's eyes and see her father. But I believe (and he has said as well) that Heath is now part of Matilda, her guardian angel, and in that way, it comforts me. 

 
Lis

[lancecowboy]

No-one can ever say it better than the following, a statement from Michelle Williams:

Please respect our need to grieve privately. My heart is broken. I am the mother of the most tender-hearted, high-spirited, beautiful little girl who is the spitting image of her father. All that I can cling to is his presence inside her that reveals itself every day. His family and I watch Matilda as she whispers to trees, hugs animals, and takes steps two at a time and we know that he is with us still. She will be brought up with the best memories of him.”

Thank you so much for posting this. It is so generous of Michelle to share this with us. I am glad that Heath lives on in more than just our hearts, but also in life.

Remembrance is so bittersweet. 

[lancecowboy]

mikele, thank you for this. I am so honored to be linked to Heath. Merci... :\'(

Few words I have written last year, and dedicaced to Heath and Lancecowboy2007

Chaque nuit mes yeux te cherchent dans le noir. Ils ne te trouvent pas puisque tu n'es plus là. Le reflet de la lune donne à ce qui m'entoure une atmosphère irréelle. Ils me semblent si lointains ces jours où tu dormais à mes côtés, si lumineux, et pourtant leur éclat s'est estompé avec ton absence. Doucement mes yeux se ferment sur ces jours anciens, et comme par magie mon esprit glisse vers toi. Et puis, quelque part, ailleurs dans le souvenir, je sens à nouveau ton amour transfigurer mon âme, je sais qu'à mon réveil je serais comblé puisque cette nuit, il m'aura encore semblé que tu étais là, juste pour moi.

Each night my eyes look for you in the dark. They don't find your face, cause you're not there. The glint of the moon shows all around me an unreal moment. They seem so far from those days when you slept next to me, so radiant, and yet their brightness have stop to fade in your absence. Slowly my eyes close to this ancient of days, and as if by magic my spirit glides towards you. And then, somewhere, elsewhere in memories, I feel again your love transforming my soul with happiness, and I know when I wake up I'll be filled with joy because this night seemed to me you were there, just for me.

This captures how I feel so much, where I bolded and colored red. Thank you so much.

[lancecowboy]

Loretta,  Thank you for sharing your beautiful song, and moving lyrics.

  :\'(

If I have a myspace account, I'd be proud to have you as a friend. 

You guys are all amazing. I've been reading through as much as I can (been having computer problems the last couple days) and all the tributes, song lyrics, poems -- everything is so beautiful that I can't stop the tears.

ksxks, rosie and no reins -- thank you all SO MUCH for listening to "Jack, I Swear" and for your wonderful comments. Those words from my heart have only one wish...and that is to touch others. I never thought I would be posting them anywhere under such circumstances.

I promised myself that after I had the demo recorded I was going to send a copy to Heath, as a thank you for bringing the part of Ennis to life so beautifully and sensitively -- and as a result, changing minds, hearts and lives. I kept procrastinating about looking into an address to send it to...and now I'll never have the chance again. But I have reached you guys and for that I will always be grateful.

No Reins -- I've never had any of my lyrics quoted before! You have no idea how much that warmed my heart.

ksxks -- you asked if I would post the lyrics here, so here you go...

"Jack, I Swear"

The subtle trace of breeze upon my face,
The sound of crackling embers as they fade,
The biting cold that rips my weakened heart,
The words catch in my throat, too long delayed.

I feel the breath of whispered words so near,
They comfort through the thin cold mountain the air.
That time of fear and longing intertwined…
Just for one sweet moment more - I swear.

Chorus:

When day is done I lie upon my bed,
Each lonely night, the same repeated prayer
To meet you once again in twilight sleep.
For just one single dream of you – I swear

To say I’d give my life is not enough,
This weathered weary heart’s not worth a dime.
The tragic truth will haunt me all my days,
I’ll bear the cross of blame that’s surely mine.

And as I slowly wake to morning rain,
I taste the tears still wet upon my face.
So desperate to reclaim my restless sleep,
Unwilling to release your sweet embrace.

Chorus:

But yes, the cold gray morning always finds me,
It knows not of my dreams and doesn’t care,
And so I rise to face the life I’ve chosen.
But oh, things would be different, Jack…I swear.
The world would be so different, I swear.

If any of you have a myspace, I would love to add you as a friend on mine. http://www.myspace.com/ret4

Thanks for being here.
Loretta

[HLJG]

Loretta, I cannot do this at work, but i will add you on MySpace (request you as a friend) tomorrow from home.
The song is just beautiful.

[Rosie]

Loretta, thank you for adding your lyrics here. I don't have a myspace account, this is the only online comminity I belong to, but there is no need, you are my friend right here   

[msmare]

Thank you so much for posting this. It is so generous of Michelle to share this with us. I am glad that Heath lives on in more than just our hearts, but also in life.

Remembrance is so bittersweet. 

I agree, Lancecowboy. That statement is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. I love the last part that is bolded. It reminds me of what I often thought when I saw Heath and Michelle-that they are such beautiful souls. They are the kind of people you just KNOW are something special. Thanks for posting it, vivici.

[babytammy7]

You guys are all amazing. I've been reading through as much as I can (been having computer problems the last couple days) and all the tributes, song lyrics, poems -- everything is so beautiful that I can't stop the tears.

ksxks, rosie and no reins -- thank you all SO MUCH for listening to "Jack, I Swear" and for your wonderful comments. Those words from my heart have only one wish...and that is to touch others. I never thought I would be posting them anywhere under such circumstances.

I promised myself that after I had the demo recorded I was going to send a copy to Heath, as a thank you for bringing the part of Ennis to life so beautifully and sensitively -- and as a result, changing minds, hearts and lives. I kept procrastinating about looking into an address to send it to...and now I'll never have the chance again. But I have reached you guys and for that I will always be grateful.

No Reins -- I've never had any of my lyrics quoted before! You have no idea how much that warmed my heart.

ksxks -- you asked if I would post the lyrics here, so here you go...

"Jack, I Swear"

The subtle trace of breeze upon my face,
The sound of crackling embers as they fade,
The biting cold that rips my weakened heart,
The words catch in my throat, too long delayed.

I feel the breath of whispered words so near,
They comfort through the thin cold mountain the air.
That time of fear and longing intertwined…
Just for one sweet moment more - I swear.

Chorus:

When day is done I lie upon my bed,
Each lonely night, the same repeated prayer
To meet you once again in twilight sleep.
For just one single dream of you – I swear


To say I’d give my life is not enough,
This weathered weary heart’s not worth a dime.
The tragic truth will haunt me all my days,
I’ll bear the cross of blame that’s surely mine.

And as I slowly wake to morning rain,
I taste the tears still wet upon my face.
So desperate to reclaim my restless sleep,
Unwilling to release your sweet embrace.

Chorus:

But yes, the cold gray morning always finds me,
It knows not of my dreams and doesn’t care,
And so I rise to face the life I’ve chosen.
But oh, things would be different, Jack…I swear.
The world would be so different, I swear.

If any of you have a myspace, I would love to add you as a friend on mine. http://www.myspace.com/ret4

Thanks for being here.
Loretta

Loretta...you got me in tears!!!! This is awesome, so sweet and so sad.... :\'(  :\'(  :\'( Thank you so much for this; I can see Ennis here, I can hear him.

[babytammy7]

Hello Brokies...

In Chorus today, we took a day off to learn about the roots of Rock n' Roll and our teacher talked about the Beatles. It was interesting cuz they were an awsome band and my parents are also big fans. Before I left, she put on the song "Let it be" and I just started to sing the lyrics, and realized how beautiful the song was and how true it was. In the last moment, I thought of Heath, and like I've said before and as Jack said it in Annie Proulx SS, "Let it be"..it's the scary truth..

This evening, after dinner, I heard of the statement Michelle said and it was beautiful but heartbreaking. I know it must be so hard for her and to look into her daughter's eyes and see her father. But I believe (and he has said as well) that Heath is now part of Matilda, her guardian angel, and in that way, it comforts me. 

 
Lis

Lis, I adore The Beatles, and my favorite song is Let it be. I was stunned reading your post, 'cause since I read the SS, every time I heard Let it be I always think about Jack Twist and the dozy embrace, and also, and I don't know why, about Jack's mama, like if Ennis were singing that song and that Mother Mary was Mama Twist, whispering words of wisdom in that kitchen at Twist ranch, trying to comfort Ennis, just saying Let it be. Uh, I don't know if this makes any sense. Sorry....

[babytammy7]

Few words I have written last year, and dedicaced to Heath and Lancecowboy2007

Chaque nuit mes yeux te cherchent dans le noir.
Ils ne te trouvent pas puisque tu n'es plus là. Le reflet de la lune donne à ce qui m'entoure une atmosphère irréelle. Ils me semblent si lointains ces jours où tu dormais à mes côtés, si lumineux, et pourtant leur éclat s'est estompé avec ton absence.
Doucement mes yeux se ferment sur ces jours anciens, et comme par magie mon esprit glisse vers toi.
Et puis, quelque part, ailleurs dans le souvenir, je sens à nouveau ton amour transfigurer mon âme, je sais qu'à mon réveil je serais comblé puisque cette nuit, il m'aura encore semblé que tu étais là, juste pour moi.
Each night my eyes look for you in the dark.
They don't found your face, cause you're not there. The glint of the moon shows all around me an unreal moment. They seems so far those days when you sleep next to me, so radian, and yet their brightness have stop to fade in your absence.
Slowly my eyes closeto this ancient days, and as if by magic my spirit moves to you.
And then, somewhere, elsewhere into memories, I feel again your love transforme my soul by happyness, and I know when I wake up I'll be fill with joy because this night seemed to me you was there, juste for me.

Mikele, this is utterly beautiful. I'm speechless here. Thank you so much.

[cowgirlKt!]

No-one can ever say it better than the following, a statement from Michelle Williams:

Thankyou for posting this. I see Heath in Matilda.... on the front of UKs NEW! mag is a pic of Michelle carrying Matilda and i was gobsmacked when i saw it at work and it brought tears to my eyes. :\'(  I was so overwhelmed by the pic its a good pic anyway but seeing Heath in Matilda and how much she looks like him was both heartwarming and comforting to see how he lives on but also heartbreaking seeing him in her face reminding me hes gone and what beauty he has left behind in Matilda. He will always be looking over her though.

[babytammy7]

Last night I had a very bitter dream. I was in an old so weird house, with purple curtains and red carpets. I was crying. There were a lot of people in the big room where I was. Heath was there, holding two little girls in his arms. He was crying. Then I felt cold. I saw another little girl running through a corridor, so I follow her. I tripped over some dirty boxes and when I looked up, in front of me was Michelle Willians. She was crying too. She looks at me angry and said something like, “thank you for let me see that he is just human, not perfect, not perfect at all….” Then I saw myself running through that red corridor again, crying so bad. Suddenly my brokie babe was there, holding me, crying too. I was shaking in those sweet arms, feeling miserable, and I could see Heath at the end of the corridor, still holding those babies in his arms, crying, huming something. There was a crowd ‘round him, and looking at them I felt so so so guilty and ashamed, and I don’t know why.

I woke up tired, confused, so sad and, of course, crying. I don’t think that that bad dream has any sense, but I don’t want to dream about Heath crying; I don’t want to think about Heath crying; I don’t want to see him crying. I need the last image of him to be a happy one: Heath smiling, Heath fidgeting, Heath speaking proudly of his work. My broken heart needs that. Not Heath sad, not Heath crying. No more tears, please……

[cowgirlKt!]

Last night I had a very bitter dream. I was in an old so weird house, with purple curtains and red carpets. I was crying. There were a lot of people in the big room where I was. Heath was there, holding two little girls in his arms. He was crying. Then I felt cold. I saw another little girl running through a corridor, so I follow her. I tripped over some dirty boxes and when I looked up, in front of me was Michelle Willians. She was crying too. She looks at me angry and said something like, “thank you for let me see that he is just human, not perfect, not perfect at all….” Then I saw myself running through that red corridor again, crying so bad. Suddenly my brokie babe was there, holding me, crying too. I was shaking in those sweet arms, feeling miserable, and I could see Heath at the end of the corridor, still holding those babies in his arms, crying, huming something. There was a crowd ‘round him, and looking at them I felt so so so guilty and ashamed, and I don’t know why.

I woke up tired, confused, so sad and , of course, crying. I don’t think that that bad dream has any sense, but I don’t want to dream about Heath crying; I don’t want to think about Heath crying; I don’t want to see him crying. I need the last image of him to be a happy one: Heath smiling, Heath fidgeting, Heath speaking proudly of his work. My broken heart needs that. Not Heath sad, not Heath crying. No more tears, please……

awwwwwww im sorry you had to have such a bad dream, if i dreamt that id wake up crying too and upset. :\'(  Youre right you dont want to see Heath upset. I think why you dreamt him unhappy is because you, yourself, is feeling that way too and our dreams are our minds making sense of our thoughts and feelings we've had during the day. You see Heath who we all miss dearly and think about alot, expressing your emotions in your dream. Dont worry in time when you feel stronger and a little happier...you will dream of Heath and he will be smiling in your dream...in all our dreams and he will be smiling as he can see you smiling inside and out.    Look forward to that. He will be happy and will be smiling at you soon in your dreams. Take care hun xxx i hope i dream of Heath someday. 

[LuvHeath4ever]

10 Things I Hate About You is also on - on Sky Comedy, I think

I just watched 10 things I hate about you...I had seen parts of it, but I felt like I *had* to see it.  It actually wasn't bad.  I'm glad he didn't stick w/ the teen comedy things, because that wouldn't have been him.

I'm getting a collection of his dvds.  Seems stupid, but I feel like I need them all, since there were so few. 
So far in this last week I've gotten: Casanova, The Patriot, 10 Things I Hate About You, Brothers Grimm and Ned Kelly.  I've seen each in bits & pieces over the  years, being that I couldn't picture him in anything else except BBM.  But I feel like I want to know his whole career now.

[Raisa]

There's a new angel in Heaven, huh?

Oh yes, there is, Cham! Spread your wings our beloved Heath and fly free as a bird, free as an angel 

[Raisa]

Oh God I understand you so well... I had a hard talk with my sister yesterday. A part of why it was so hard for me was because she just really doesn't understand at all why I am so affected by the death of "an actor I didn't even know" (and I hate it when people say that to me) and she couldn't understand my fascination with him when he was alive either. I felt like she was looking down on me or criticising me for it, and I just couldn't find the words to explain to her what he means to me. I felt bad and hurt when she reffered to him as "a movie star" and kept reminding me that I didn't know him and he certainly didn't know me.

No, I didn't know Heath, but I think I fell in love with him nonetheless. I've never heard of him before I saw BBM, but from the moment I saw him he stole my heart. How can I explain to people what it's like when my heart goes out to a fictional character, when I can't get him out of my thoughts, when his tears at that last scene make my heart ache so badly and cause me to cry too? Heath did all that for me, he made me identify with Ennis completely and cry for his tragedy. He touched my heart so deeply that I felt like Ennis had become a part of me. And at first, Heath was Ennis to me - I didn't even want to see him in other movies because I couldn't see him as anyone else but Ennis. He owned my heart as Ennis, not as Heath.

But after I've seen him in more movies, read articles about him and interviews with him, I became more and more aware of the amazing person that he was. So deep, so intelligent, so mature, so talented, such a unique human being with such a beautiful soul. And I was so greatful that such a man was chosen to portray Ennis del Mar, because he's gotten into Ennis's heart and soul in such an amazing way and that made me feel connected to him. For about half of my life I've been voicing out my support in gay rights and trying to fight people's homophobia, and in his beautiful heartbreaking portrayal of Ennis this guy had reached people's hearts and did what I couldn't have done in all those years. I cannot even begin to describe my appreciation and gratitude to him because of that. A piece of my heart will always belong to him.

Heath was so much more than "a movie star" to me. He wasn't a star, there was nothing starry about him. Through watching his films and reading interviews with him I discovered a beautiful man with a vulnerable soul, a man who talked openly and honestly about his fears, his weaknesses, his desires, a man who, in his "real life" off the set, couldn't be nothing but himself. There was so much depth in him, I could feel it, I could hear it in his words, in the thoughts that he shared. I can only imagine how overwhelmed I'd be if I'd known him in person. There are not many people who make you think "I don't know him but I have the strong impression that I'd like him a lot as a person if I did know him" (yes, thank you Daniel Day Lewis!!!) And Heath was one of these people. There was something so special about him that even people who didn't know him could feel.

Heath brought Ennis to life. He touched my soul and moved me in ways that I can't describe. Heath brought me here, to my new home and family. He took me up the mountain two years ago and I never went down. He had a very special place in my heart because of that. I thought about him as "my baby", I wanted to see him happy, growing and developing and making the most of his talent and I knew he would reach greatness. If I had a chance to give him back even a little of what he'd given me, I would've done anything.

But I guess some things you just can't explain.

keren, this is  amazing post      

[Raisa]

My pain is beginning to calm down a bit. I mean I don't burst into tears every time I see a picture of Heath or read an article about him. I can't watch his 'serious' movies; instead I have been able to watch Casanova smiling through tears.
What you  - each one of you - have written in this forum has been a great comfort to me! Because English is not my own language, I don't find the words I would like to say to express myself properly, and the other hand I'm a person with few words. So reading your posts have been very important to me, a channel through which I have found just the words and expressions I have needed.

I love you Brokies! We must take care of each others and ourselves to get through this. I think it will never be totally through, it remains to be a part of us eternally. Heath will live inside us forever.