Hello Jack… I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while now… But the last time I saw you… well, you were having that shouting match with Ennis, and… I didn’t think you really wanted to talk about anything, especially what I wanted to talk about… the ways in which you showed your love for Ennis, and Ennis for you. And, I’m not talking about hugs and kisses.
First, I want to establish the time frame. You met, of course, in 1963, and I’m going to say that you spent ten weeks sheep herding up on Brokeback. You got back together four years later in 1967, and went “fishing,” I’m going to say, three times a year for a week at a time, for the next fourteen years. Then, that last year, 1983, you only got together once (I know that a lot of people will disagree with me about this time frame, but they can just go imagine their own scenarios!).
Now, you did the traveling and, Friend, you may be surprised. Childress is 914 miles from Riverton X 2 (round trip) = 1,828 miles X 3 trips per year = 5,484 X 14 years = 76,776 + 1,828 (one “fishing trip in 1983) = 78,604 miles!!! I think that shows commitment. Then there’s the time it took. Without going through the arithmetic again, you spent, (at twenty-eight hours per round trip) 1,204 hours behind the wheel! That’s over fifty days and nights! No wonder Lureen was complaining! That’s a lot of time and a lot of miles, but then, I know (we all know) that you would have crawled that far on broken glass to be with him if you had to. There’s no doubting your love for Ennis, Jack, or your heart’s commitment to him. So. What did you get back? Well… love, for YOU, and only YOU… love to the exclusion of love for any other (except his children). That’s about it. Unconditional love from a man who couldn’t, or wouldn’t dare, utter the word love. And, here’s the thing, Jack… I know that you didn’t get all you wanted (and thought you needed) out of the relationship but, if we count in the ten weeks on Brokeback that first spring and summer, you got to spend about fifty-three weeks with Ennis! Over a year! Albeit spread out over twenty years. Over a year (or nearly a year, for the skeptics) of time together. Quality time… unabashed, passionate, loving time. I don’t think you really realize how lucky you were. How many times have how many of us said ”, Oh, if only we had a month together, or even just a week… I know we could work it out…” But, you and Ennis had a year in each other’s arms. What was not enough for you makes me… well, just a wee bit jealous.
Jack, I know that you weren’t very good at a lot of things in your life… cooking, shooting, bull riding… you know the list better than I do. But you were good in the sack. Really good. You were proud of it… and you needed it. We all know that you wanted it with Ennis… but when he was not available… well, we know what you did then, too, and some of us fully understand how cheap and unfulfilled you felt afterwards. Ennis told you in the beginning how it was going to be, and he never altered his position… so you kept saying “please,” and he kept saying, “no,” both of you too stubborn to budge. Oh, how I wish you’d found a compromise, but then, if you had, I wouldn’t be talking to you, and none of us would have anything to write about.
We miss you, Jack. We know that you’re keeping Ennis warm in his dreams… and you know he has the shirts. He found them right where you left them for him, in the closet in your room at home in Lightning Flats. Now, Ms. Proulx tells us that the shirts are hanging on a nail right out in the open in his little trailer. It’s a recognition of the love that you shared… liberated at last. Mr. Lee put the shirts back into a closet in the trailer, a change from your story that makes me a little sad, but he did for dramatic effect, and oh what a truly dramatic effect it has when the shirts and that postcard of Brokeback are revealed!
Thanks to you and Ennis for all that you’ve taught us, and for all they we have left to learn. We’ll be seeing you in our dreams. Allan
