Just for clarity please....it was NOT me who said "He'll just be a name..." It was my husband saying that to me in seeing how upset I have been this past week. He point was not to make Heath (his life, his work) seem pointless. I'm very sorry if my post insinuated that in any way. In fact my husband is probably one of the most optimistic, grounded person I have ever known. In the 20 years I've known him, I've never once heard him speak ill of someone.
But he is confused why I am taking this so hard and can't understand why, in his eyes, I'm reacting so hard and having a hard time dealing with this Now he also didn't see BBM or many of his other movies. I *think* what my DH is thinking is that ...while this story of this person is awful and tragic, life does move on. So don't dwell on it and move on. - Of course, his delivery was a bit harsh and not quite right in my eyes. But this is also coming from the man who, when I had a miscarriage - told me to relax, move on and life will take care of itself....He's a little guarded in his emotions and delivery I guess but the heart is always there...
Anyway it did get me upset to hear that comment about Heath b.c to me, I DON'T agree. I try to understand what he means but it feels a little personal to me since Heath's performance in BBM moved something in me and I've been different ever since (what a testament to Heath let me tell you!). I'm not explaining it well but maybe you guys just understand.
So again - my apologies for any confusion. I just had to let it out somewhere how upset I am and clearly my husband is not the person to do that with.
Oh God I understand you so well... I had a hard talk with my sister yesterday. A part of why it was so hard for me was because she just really doesn't understand
at all why I am so affected by the death of "an actor I didn't even know" (and I hate it when people say that to me) and she couldn't understand my fascination with him when he was alive either. I felt like she was looking down on me or criticising me for it, and I just couldn't find the words to explain to her what he means to me. I felt bad and hurt when she reffered to him as "a movie star" and kept reminding me that I didn't know him and he certainly didn't know me.
No, I didn't know Heath, but I think I fell in love with him nonetheless. I've never heard of him before I saw BBM, but from the moment I saw him he stole my heart. How can I explain to people what it's like when my heart goes out to a fictional character, when I can't get him out of my thoughts, when his tears at that last scene make my heart ache so badly and cause me to cry too? Heath did all that for me, he made me identify with Ennis completely and cry for his tragedy. He touched my heart so deeply that I felt like Ennis had become a part of me. And at first, Heath
was Ennis to me - I didn't even want to see him in other movies because I couldn't see him as anyone else but Ennis. He owned my heart as Ennis, not as Heath.
But after I've seen him in more movies, read articles about him and interviews with him, I became more and more aware of the amazing person that he was. So deep, so intelligent, so mature, so talented, such a unique human being with such a beautiful soul. And I was so greatful that such a man was chosen to portray Ennis del Mar, because he's gotten into Ennis's heart and soul in such an amazing way and that made me feel connected to him. For about half of my life I've been voicing out my support in gay rights and trying to fight people's homophobia, and in his beautiful heartbreaking portrayal of Ennis this guy had reached people's hearts and did what I couldn't have done in all those years. I cannot even begin to describe my appreciation and gratitude to him because of that. A piece of my heart will always belong to him.
Heath was so much more than "a movie star" to me. He wasn't a star, there was nothing starry about him. Through watching his films and reading interviews with him I discovered a beautiful man with a vulnerable soul, a man who talked openly and honestly about his fears, his weaknesses, his desires, a man who, in his "real life" off the set, couldn't be nothing but himself. There was so much depth in him, I could feel it, I could hear it in his words, in the thoughts that he shared. I can only imagine how overwhelmed I'd be if I'd known him in person. There are not many people who make you think "I don't know him but I have the strong impression that I'd like him a lot as a person if I did know him" (yes, thank you Daniel Day Lewis!!!) And Heath was one of these people. There was something so special about him that even people who didn't know him could feel.
Heath brought Ennis to life. He touched my soul and moved me in ways that I can't describe. Heath brought me here, to my new home and family. He took me up the mountain two years ago and I never went down. He had a very special place in my heart because of that. I thought about him as "my baby", I wanted to see him happy, growing and developing and making the most of his talent and I knew he would reach greatness. If I had a chance to give him back even a little of what he'd given me, I would've done anything.
But I guess some things you just can't explain.
