Topic: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory

[Emzan]

I don't know why but I was just watching tv and for no reason I started to cry. It was nothing sad on the tv, my eyes started to fill with tears and I felt this empty space in my heart, like someone took a pice from it and threw it on the floor. And now I can't stop crying :\'( maybe this is my breaking down point. The few times something like Heaths dead has happend to me ( thank god it's only happend twice) I get very sad at first, then Im ok for a wile and then this happens I break down and feel empty. But this time It's different, this time I have this place to come to where people understand. So thank you for all being here.
I haven't been here long, but It feels like a second family

[myprivatejack]

Here there's the lyrics from a song that,I don't know why,has reminded me Heath.Perhaps,among some other reasons,because it's from a Catalan band whose singer died at a very young age and in a circumstances maybe very similar to his-he died almost on stage...-.No matter its meaning,it's another little and humble homage I'm making to both of them and all this that died when life is still a long way to walk in front of them.

VIURE SENSE TU/LIVING WITHOUT YOU

I've closed the door slowly
while looking at your street lights.
I like your city very much,yes,
but now don't you believe
I don't want to go away from it.
I arrived to it lost
and pursuing unknown places;
a vision captivated me
and made me feel myself
lost again into your eyes.
I've stepped the night in every tavern
and I've arrived to nobody's lands
a rising sun has made me be awake
with the promise of living without you.

[myprivatejack]

I don't know why but I was just watching tv and for no reason I started to cry. It was nothing sad on the tv, my eyes started to fill with tears and I felt this empty space in my heart, like someone took a pice from it and threw it on the floor. And now I can't stop crying :\'( maybe this is my breaking down point. The few times something like Heaths dead has happend to me ( thank god it's only happend twice) I get very sad at first, then Im ok for a wile and then this happens I break down and feel empty. But this time It's different, this time I have this place to come to where people understand. So thank you for all being here.
I haven't been here long, but It feels like a second family

Oh,Emzan,don't you know how much I understand you¡ Yes,all of us who have lost a beloved person know very well your feelings and reactions now;you're right,when the first shock has passed somehow,when you think firmly that you're able to make your daily life as before,you fall even deeper than in the first moments...
But you're right again in that this time is different because you're by some persons side who understand and share your feelings;we all are at the same time the relief and the relieved,and a firm support for who,like you,are passing their own breaking down point.So,cry all you need to relieve you and count on us to feel better after that.

[Tony]

    Dear Emzan---please don't feel embarrassed that you are still grieving.  I wouldn't doubt but that for every person that posts, saying how
awful they feel, there are 10 more that are just unable to express themselves.  Nobody knows but us how terrible this loss is---the outside
world just saw a celebrity who died young.  We knew someone else, someone whom we recognized, as one of our own.  You cry all you want---
it's good for you to let it all out.  And always come here to your friends.  Because if we weren't friends before, just admirers of the movie,
after grieving together, we're damn sure friends, now.  Don't forget----it's not those of us who give a damn that are unusual or off, it's those
who don't care, about this tragedy or probably any other, who are....well...never mind.  Better left unsaid.  Stay with your family, Emzan.
We're here.

[Emzan]

thanks for the comments myprivatejack and Tony I feel better now. I'm off to bed now, If I can sleep

[myprivatejack]

thanks for the comments myprivatejack and Tony I feel better now. I'm off to bed now, If I can sleep

Of course,you can,Emzan.This same evening Thomas(Tpe) told me that we must remember the happy times of Heath and Jake together instead of only feeling sad when we think that they will be here no more...Do it,think in good sensations about Heath in a positive way;surely you don't cry anymore and you'll be able to sleep well.See you tomorrow with a smile,huh?.

[Emzan]

Of course,you can,Emzan.This same evening Thomas(Tpe) told me that we must remember the happy times of Heath and Jake together instead of only feeling sad when we think that they will be here no more...Do it,think in good sensations about Heath in a positive way;surely you don't cry anymore and you'll be able to sleep well.See you tomorrow with a smile,huh?.

Ye, see you tomorrow

[Lis]

Rest in peace, Heath baby

Carmilla, that's just wonderful!! I wish I could do something like that for him, maybe I'll try and do more of the Heath collage since I've been in my own little world the past couple of days

I just can't believe that tomorrow it will be one month, one month? I can't seem to grasp it. It seems sometimes that it was only yesterday. Sometimes it seems like it was only a dream but seeing things such as "late" in front of his name and people reading magazines saying "See this is an example of what can happen in Hollywood" (brother) when I know that he wasn't even in Hollywood, he was in Soho, New York makes reality come and hit me hard! I don't know, I've learned a lot more about how wonderful and humble person he was and yet how vunerable he was as well. He was a man that needed to be protected and loved. And the worst part was that he was alone in his apartment, thats what gets me the most. I'm sorry I'm rambling...I just needed to I guess, write all this down somewhere....but I'm thankful as well. It's nice to have this place, where everyone can come and express all there emotions, and you have no idea how much this forum has ment to me..

[LuvJackNasty]

Hello BBM family,
this is Megalyn08, I joined you just a few days ago.
First, sorry for my defective English, please feel free to correct me if you want.
I lighted a candle for Heath to say how sorrowful I am for him. I'm sure I'll never forget that morning: January 23, exactly 4 weeks ago, my boyfriend phones me and tells:"Heard the bad news? Heath Ledger has died."
Has died?!?! Heath Ledger?!?! I'll be damned!!!!  :\'(  :\'(  :\'(  :\'(  :\'(  :\'(
Even now, after nearly a month, I have a hard time believing it, my mind just refuses it.
It was a dreadful shock for me. For 2 days I was too stunned, I wasn't even able to cry, just repeating on my mind :"It's a nightmare, isn't it? It must be a nightmare."
At the end, during the second night, I cried. I cried for Heath/Ennis, for his family, for his friends, for Michelle, for little Matilda, and for me too.
He and Jake made me feel such strong and deep emotions, he was so young and talented, he still had so much to give us through his characters......How is possible he's passed away?!?! How could be happened such a tragedy?!?!
I feel like a beloved friend of mine has died, because actually he was. Of course, in a different way than he was to his friend and family in real life, but with the same strength. He talked with us through emotions.
He was, no, he is our beloved Ennis Del Mar. He left a terrible void, although from now on there's a new star up in heaven. I'll never forget him, be sure of this.
If this tragedy had to happen, I prefer being among those who mourn him rather than among those who don't know him at all: mourning him now means that I've met him in some way (BBM and more), and I feel my own life has been blessed by having met his and Jake's path.
What does it remain of him, nothing but ashes? No, ocean isn't big enough for such a great soul.
It remains his smile, the light into his eyes, and his soul, like many little stars within the characters he played.
Miss you, cowboy.

                                         Love from Megalyn08

Beautiful post Megalyn. 

[LuvJackNasty]

A list sib on a site said, when it was suggested we move on with our BBM story discussion (which I thought was a pretty good idea) that we can put the awful incidence behind us and move on.  I'm sure each person suffers loss, great or small, their own way, but I've never been able to do that, put it behind.  Even my beloved pets are still in me part of me.  Not being able to see and hug, talk, dear Lord talking to my sister, I'll always have tears wanting to so bad, but she is still here, part of my world.  We are a sum of who we were, who we've known, where we've been...  Heath is in my world, he will never be left behind but part of my whole, part of what makes the sun warm and summer nights soft.  He gave me some of the best of my times, his loss wouldn't have been such a tragedy for me if his life hadn't been so rich and dear.  Life sucks and this was ultimate unfair and wrong, but he was still a most treasured gift.

jessi

  Jessi. I'm not good at putting things behind me either.

[lancecowboy]

Tony,  we are all in this together, so no need to apologize or feel bad about it. I am grateful to have so many people here, sharing the the grief. As huge and enormous as it is, when shared among so many good people here, it is at least bearable. I cannot imagine going through this alone. Thank you, Tony, and everyone, for being here.

What you said below, and I bold, colored red, is so well-said. It is what makes Heath special. He represents the best in us, and none of the evil in the world. He is also human and vulnerable, like us, which makes his achievements all the more impressive - extraordinary deeds performed by an ordinary person. But he was extraordinary also, because he was unique, special.

You were right when you said this will last a long time. I don't see the need to wrap it up quickly. Nor do I want it to drag on and on. I simply let my feelings go where they will, and express them appropriately, in this topic here, in this forum. I don't talk about it with people who don't understand, who don't want to dwell in Heath's memories. For me, there ain't no reins on this one. And this forum is my Brokeback Mountain. I come to find peace, and offer support and friendship.

As you said, there is much too much malice in this world. I am grateful there is one place that is untouched, that is pure, as you said once, that is a valley of peace and friendship where we can find rest and respite from the cold cruel world outside.

 

    Here we are, a month later, still trying to come to terms with this strange theft, this early end to Heath Ledger's life.  I find it hard just to use his last name, as, for these weeks, it has always been, just....Heath.
    We all got hit in different ways, and that has shown up in our responses.  For me, I had little interest in his acting career, and even separated him, in my mind, from BBM.  Heath was, to me, a good guy, with normal faults, but with an unusual lack of cruelty or spite, 2 characteristics
which are rampant in the world today.  I have zero problems with saying I loved Heath, as he was, for me, the combination of many types of goodness or warmth I had seen in more ordinary people, all put together in one person.
   Am rambling, but whatever I had thought about him became all the more confirmed in the deluge of information following his death.  Even the so-called "bad" stuff, was of so little consequence that it just fleshed him out as a more vulnerable and therefore, lovable soul.
  I do not like some of the contradictory information out there.  Some reports he never studied acting, when I had read he very definitely had a long-term acting coach in method acting.  And something bugging me very much, that the N. Y. police refuse to give out the time of
death.  I don't like that because the director who spoke to him the night before called to wake him, as per agreement, fairly early, and the housekeeper said he was snoring, at noon.  I really don't like the time-line they have given.
 Even so, the reponse, here, has been a river of love.  Some of the poems, in particular, I never would have seen, and they were powerful. Well, am not having a relapse.  Am just saying what I feel, one month later.  It's all wrong.  And we have to live with this.  Sorry for rambling-it's not easy for any of us.  Maybe some others feel near to how I feel, right now, and so, posting is not a mistake.

[lancecowboy]

  Emzan 
that is a wonderful excerpt.
I see Heath/Ennis even without closing my eyes.

Here is the lyrics to the song:

Soledad
( loneliness )
Westlife

If only you could see the tears
In the world you left behind
If only you could heal my heart
Just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
There's an image of your face
And once again I come to realise
You're a loss I can't replace

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Walking down the streets
Of Nothingville
Where our love was young and free
Can't believe just what an empty place
It has come to be
I would give my life away
If it could only be the same
Cause I can't still the voice inside of me
That is calling out your name

Time will never change the things you told me
After all we're meant to be
Love will bring us back to you and me
If only you could see

====

It's a sad song, but I think Heath can see us, and as it says above, Love will bring us back to you and me.

 

I was listening to some westlife songs and then I heard this

If only you could see the tears in the world you left behind
If only you could heal my heart just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
There's an image of your face
And once again I come to realise
You're a loss I can't replace

 :\'(

[LuvJackNasty]

Oh yes, I went to my local cemetery yesterday and lighted a candle for Heath in the place what is meant to the candles and messages to those who are buried elsewhere. It was snowing and the day was turning to the dark in the afternoon. The place was so quiet and beautiful.

That's beautiful Carmilla!  :\'( What a lovely gesture.

[lancecowboy]

Hello BBM family,
this is Megalyn08, I joined you just a few days ago.
[...]
I feel like a beloved friend of mine has died, because actually he was. Of course, in a different way than he was to his friend and family in real life, but with the same strength. He talked with us through emotions.
He was, no, he is our beloved Ennis Del Mar. He left a terrible void, although from now on there's a new star up in heaven. I'll never forget him, be sure of this.
If this tragedy had to happen, I prefer being among those who mourn him rather than among those who don't know him at all: mourning him now means that I've met him in some way (BBM and more), and I feel my own life has been blessed by having met his and Jake's path.
What does it remain of him, nothing but ashes? No, ocean isn't big enough for such a great soul.
It remains his smile, the light into his eyes, and his soul, like many little stars within the characters he played.
Miss you, cowboy.

                                         Love from Megalyn08

  Megalyn08  many others have already praised your post. I am a little late. There have been so many wonderful posts that I did not get a change to read every single one, or to comment on them. But tonight, somehow, the words above caught my eye while the page was refreshing after one of my own posts was uploaded.

Your words captured what I have been feeling but did not understand. Heath spoke to us emotionally, and emotionally we responded to him as family. Now I understand what Tony meant, when he said that Heath was family.

And the second paragraph, reminds me of the common saying, it is better to have loved and lost, than to never love at all. I have been play one of my favorite songs from Garth Brooks for this very reason, to remind myself what Heath stood for all his life, to live life to the fullest without regrets. Here is the song's lyrics:

"Standing Outside The Fire"

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always comes with getting burned

But you've got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire

We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They're so hell-bent on giving, walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can't abide
Standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

[Rosie]

Oh yes, I went to my local cemetery yesterday and lighted a candle for Heath in the place what is meant to the candles and messages to those who are buried elsewhere. It was snowing and the day was turning to the dark in the afternoon. The place was so quiet and beautiful.

Carmilla that was a lovely thing you did. I'm sure Heath felt the glow of that loving candle. 

[Emzan]

Emzan 
that is a wonderful excerpt.
I see Heath/Ennis even without closing my eyes.

Here is the lyrics to the song:

Soledad
( loneliness )
Westlife

If only you could see the tears
In the world you left behind
If only you could heal my heart
Just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
There's an image of your face
And once again I come to realise
You're a loss I can't replace

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Walking down the streets
Of Nothingville
Where our love was young and free
Can't believe just what an empty place
It has come to be
I would give my life away
If it could only be the same
Cause I can't still the voice inside of me
That is calling out your name

Time will never change the things you told me
After all we're meant to be
Love will bring us back to you and me
If only you could see

====

It's a sad song, but I think Heath can see us, and as it says above, Love will bring us back to you and me.

 

Yes It is a sad song, but the first course reminded me of Heath

[keren_b]

One month without our boy.

I can't begin to tell you how bad I feel. Had a rough evening yesterday, thought about him and cried a lot. Today too. I just feel empty. It hurts. I can't stand it.

 :\'( :\'(

[jackster]

"First Fig"

My candle burns at both ends;
  It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends - - -
  It gives a lovely light!

Edna St. Vincent Millay

a month gone quickly by,
ay, your light shines bright

[myprivatejack]

One month without our boy.

I can't begin to tell you how bad I feel. Had a rough evening yesterday, thought about him and cried a lot. Today too. I just feel empty. It hurts. I can't stand it.

 :\'( :\'(

Keren,it's logical to feel in this way;today we're passing our first month without him.It's a kind of sad and stupid anniversary-stupid because it should never have passed...- that make us having all this more present still in our souls and minds.If you have to feel better,write to me a PM and we'll talk about it and,above all,about him.

[keren_b]

Thank you 

[myprivatejack]

Tuesday,January 22nd.It had been a rather ordinary day for me; so ordinary that I don't remember anything about it now.It was,then,another day "struggling" with the problems of my job,posting some funny jokes or making my friends of the Spanish channel " feel angry" with me...; nothing important,nothing to remark,just one day that wasn't going to pass to my life's story in capital letters,nor probably was going either in the world's.
By night,I hadn't been active in the forum for a while,busy with another questions on-line and I was at the point of going to bed,because it was very late.Suddenly,a kind of impulse made me enter on my email and in the cover of Hotmail I found the news that changed this ordinary and almost boring day in a shock that makes you think that's not true,that you're crazy or drunk or sleeping...I went to this forum only to know for sure that all was true,painfully true;I remember writing a post in which I told you:-"Tell me that's a lie,a bad joke or a worst taste fun;that here in Spain the news arrive bad and late and we don't know the reality...".Nobody told me I was in an error.I was right,and for the first time in my life I was not happy to be so.
I didn't want to say anything to my Spanish channel fellows,because they seemed not to be on-line and,moreover,why should I tell them?It was better to let them rest easily and well.When I went to bed ,my partner was half-slept,so I didn't tell her anything because,moreover,she liked the movie and Heath's acting,but she's not a Brokie-difficult to understand if you're not...-.I couldn't sleep well and when I got it,I suddenly awoke thinking on him all the time.In the morning,after arriving at the office,I found my coworker Brokie,who didn't know anything and once again I became the bad news messenger.After saying it the best I could,we began to look for news as soon as we could,as if both of us wanted to be sure of the reality.
Then,my fellow begun to cry;I felt shocked,because I'd never seen him crying in this way.He's a good humoured boy,with a bit of sarcasm,just like me,and lots of fun;and then he was in front of me bursting into tears by saying:"Pobre noi,pobre noi¡"(Poor boy,in Catalan).
Our coworkers asked us what's going on;-"A friend of us has gone"- we answered in unison.It's almost magic to see how misfortunes make persons closer and more comprehensive,at a point you never think it could be...Our mates told us,simply,to let work in order to attend "our friend's burial",just this;they made our part of job and we shouldn't worry for anything else than grieving our friend.Is it just nice?.So,I came back home-I must say that sometimes I work at home also-trying to do some work because I felt guilty for my mates;but I spent more time,I must confess,looking for news,posting here,relieving and being relieved for other Brokies...
The next day,at office our coworkers asked us for the burial,and suddenly my fellow bursted:-"He wasn't a friend of us we know personally; he was Heath Ledger,from BBM.What's going on?.We feel as he was so¡I don't mind to say it¡".I told him to shut up,but he continued:-"Why must we hide it as if we're freakies?I'm getting ride of it,that people think I'm gay-he´s "rather" straight-or crazy¡...".And once again the solidarity:-"We've imagined it.It doesn't matter.We have this for you both". And they gave us a BBM poster,enormous,pretty,with Ennis and Jack gorgeous,riding on their horses...Oh,my¡ I began to sobbing by telling I couldn't accept it,not then;my fellow put it on his table and someone put also some flowers in front of the picture,just like an altar...I found this sad,but so,so beautiful indeed.
Well,the rest is story.I know all this I've told you seems like a nonsense or a cheap novel,but I needed to tell it just today.Because a month ago my fellow Josep Lluís and me lost a friend whom we believed we could´nt name so before other persons.

[Lis]

Oh MPJ, your post was beautiful!! It was too such a normal day for me, just coming home from school telling my parents about my day and laughing at a Sitcom me and my father were watching. But what made me almost smile was that your co-workers brought in the poster and Ennis and Jack and put follows next to it. That was so kind of them to respect you and your friend's loss even though he was not a 'close' friend. Most of the students at my school didn't say anything or say "Oh, did you hear he died" in a moking kind of way. Like you and your friend, no one really knew what he ment to us..

[LuvJackNasty]

I don't know why but I was just watching tv and for no reason I started to cry. It was nothing sad on the tv, my eyes started to fill with tears and I felt this empty space in my heart, like someone took a pice from it and threw it on the floor. And now I can't stop crying :\'( maybe this is my breaking down point. The few times something like Heaths dead has happend to me ( thank god it's only happend twice) I get very sad at first, then Im ok for a wile and then this happens I break down and feel empty. But this time It's different, this time I have this place to come to where people understand. So thank you for all being here.
I haven't been here long, but It feels like a second family

  I know that feeling well. I'm glad you're here with the rest of us.  And it is nice and comforting to have others here because no one on the "outside" gets it- maybe the first few days they understood it but to have it still linger? Again I'm glad you're here 

[LuvJackNasty]

Tony,  we are all in this together, so no need to apologize or feel bad about it. I am grateful to have so many people here, sharing the the grief. As huge and enormous as it is, when shared among so many good people here, it is at least bearable. I cannot imagine going through this alone. Thank you, Tony, and everyone, for being here.

What you said below, and I bold, colored red, is so well-said. It is what makes Heath special. He represents the best in us, and none of the evil in the world. He is also human and vulnerable, like us, which makes his achievements all the more impressive - extraordinary deeds performed by an ordinary person. But he was extraordinary also, because he was unique, special.

You were right when you said this will last a long time. I don't see the need to wrap it up quickly. Nor do I want it to drag on and on. I simply let my feelings go where they will, and express them appropriately, in this topic here, in this forum. I don't talk about it with people who don't understand, who don't want to dwell in Heath's memories. For me, there ain't no reins on this one. And this forum is my Brokeback Mountain. I come to find peace, and offer support and friendship.

As you said, there is much too much malice in this world. I am grateful there is one place that is untouched, that is pure, as you said once, that is a valley of peace and friendship where we can find rest and respite from the cold cruel world outside.

 

Well said Andrew  I was going to bold some parts but the whole thing would have been bolded so I'll just ditto everything. 

[FlwrChild]

I have tears in my eyes reading through your posts. Haven't been here much the last two days and I'm catching up now. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else today anyway. This is truly a wonderful family and I'm so grateful to have you all to share these feelings with. Thank you for sharing so much of yourselves with the group.

A couple of people called me right after the news broke to find out if I'd heard because they know that I am a fan of Heath's, but still didn't understand how I felt about it. A couple of days ago, I got this message from an out of town friend:

Barb,

I am a complete numbskull.  I don't know why I did not think of you immediately after Heath Ledger died.  How are you doing?  What memorial plans does your group have?  I am sorry I did not email you sooner, please forgive my idiocy.

I am still shocked and saddened by it myself.

Take care,

xx

It meant so much to me to get that e-mail, because it said that she was thinking of me, that she understood how I would be feeling, how all of us here would be feeling, and that she just got all of that and thought it was perfectly normal and reasonable. So I have been glad to read of all of the people who have been supportive and understanding to all of us during the last month.

[Emzan]

I know that feeling well. I'm glad you're hear with the rest of us.  And it is nice and comforting to have others here because no one on the "outside" gets it- maybe the first few days they understood it but to have it still linger? Again I'm glad you're here 

I'm glad I'm here too

[myprivatejack]

I have tears in my eyes reading through your posts. Haven't been here much the last two days and I'm catching up now. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else today anyway. This is truly a wonderful family and I'm so grateful to have you all to share these feelings with. Thank you for sharing so much of yourselves with the group.

A couple of people called me right after the news broke to find out if I'd heard because they know that I am a fan of Heath's, but still didn't understand how I felt about it. A couple of days ago, I got this message from an out of town friend:

Barb,

I am a complete numbskull.  I don't know why I did not think of you immediately after Heath Ledger died.  How are you doing?  What memorial plans does your group have?  I am sorry I did not email you sooner, please forgive my idiocy.

I am still shocked and saddened by it myself.

Take care,

xx

It meant so much to me to get that e-mail, because it said that she was thinking of me, that she understood how I would be feeling, how all of us here would be feeling, and that she just got all of that and thought it was perfectly normal and reasonable. So I have been glad to read of all of the people who have been supportive and understanding to all of us during the last month.

Yes,it´s good to know that people who loves us are giving us their support,even if they don't understand completely how we're feeling.After all,it's why they love us,it needs no explanation,no?.

Oh MPJ, your post was beautiful!! It was too such a normal day for me, just coming home from school telling my parents about my day and laughing at a Sitcom me and my father were watching. But what made me almost smile was that your co-workers brought in the poster and Ennis and Jack and put follows next to it. That was so kind of them to respect you and your friend's loss even though he was not a 'close' friend. Most of the students at my school didn't say anything or say "Oh, did you hear he died" in a moking kind of way. Like you and your friend, no one really knew what he ment to us..

Lil,surely these students didn't say this in a moking way;sometimes we're hypersensitive about our feelings in this sense and believe everybody is laughing at us...Just like my fellow who bursted even before was saying anything,tired to hide it as if we're guilty of something bad.But you see how we often find more comprehension than we believed;the only pitiable point is that we must find it when something goes wrong.But it's solidarity in the end...

[Lis]

Lil,surely these students didn't say this in a mocking way;sometimes we're hypersensitive about our feelings in this sense and believe everybody is laughing at us...Just like my fellow who bursted even before was saying anything,tired to hide it as if we're guilty of something bad.But you see how we often find more comprehension than we believed;the only pitiable point is that we must find it when something goes wrong.But it's solidarity in the end...

That might be part of it. Most of them probably didn't understand how this death impacted me and my other friend and we almost felt, especially my friend, to defend him. Though I saw some people tell me that his death was a sad loss and I found some comfort in that. Now it seems everything is ok, I try to be open to people who do not understand the death of this man, especially my brothers. Oh well 

[JAKELANDIA]

[christie wood]

I have tears in my eyes reading through your posts. Haven't been here much the last two days and I'm catching up now. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else today anyway. This is truly a wonderful family and I'm so grateful to have you all to share these feelings with. Thank you for sharing so much of yourselves with the group.

A couple of people called me right after the news broke to find out if I'd heard because they know that I am a fan of Heath's, but still didn't understand how I felt about it. A couple of days ago, I got this message from an out of town friend:

Barb,

I am a complete numbskull.  I don't know why I did not think of you immediately after Heath Ledger died.  How are you doing?  What memorial plans does your group have?  I am sorry I did not email you sooner, please forgive my idiocy.

I am still shocked and saddened by it myself.

Take care,

xx

It meant so much to me to get that e-mail, because it said that she was thinking of me, that she understood how I would be feeling, how all of us here would be feeling, and that she just got all of that and thought it was perfectly normal and reasonable. So I have been glad to read of all of the people who have been supportive and understanding to all of us during the last month.

That's such a lovely thing for your friend to do...to come back and let you know that she was thinking of you.  That really does mean a lot.

A friend of mine is on a round the world trip and she was in Australia when the news broke. She said she thought of me instantly, wondering how I was in the light of such an awful tragedy, because she knows I'm a brokie and how much I loved Heath.  It touched me so much that she thought of me.

I can't dwell on the idea of it being 4 weeks today too much....because it still hurts, too much.  Images of him flash through my mind.  His beautiful smile, his wonderfully crazy dress sense, his eyes, his voice...so many things that I miss.  It still makes me catch my breath to realise I'm talking about him in the past tense.  :\'(