Topic: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory

[Matt Nasty]

Oh my... look at Matilda's eyes!
As Michelle said, she is the spitting image of her father...


* Edited by mod *

Please do not post paparazzi shots, it is against the forum guidelines. Thank you.

oh yer she really is isnt she. i feel so bad for her barely getting time to know her dad

[Emzan]

that picture of Matilda made me cry :\'( I miss her daddy

[white_angel]

I miss him too!. :\'(

[Matt Nasty]

I miss him too!. :\'(

i think its safe to say we all do but the way i look at it is he lives on in us all and his family and also in his character ennis. just as i feel jack lives on in jake it may be a strange comfort but its something

[white_angel]

i think its safe to say we all do but the way i look at it is he lives on in us all and his family and also in his character ennis. just as i feel jack lives on in jake it may be a strange comfort but its something

Yes we all miss our boy.

[Emzan]

i think its safe to say we all do but the way i look at it is he lives on in us all and his family and also in his character ennis. just as i feel jack lives on in jake it may be a strange comfort but its something

beautiful, you just made me cry :\'(

[Iswear...]

i think its safe to say we all do but the way i look at it is he lives on in us all and his family and also in his character ennis. just as i feel jack lives on in jake it may be a strange comfort but its something

So true 

[jessi]

Maybe this is one reason I don't get comfort where a lot do.  He lives on in all he did and was and left and our celebration of him, but he can't be there for his baby, she won't really remember him.  I am crushed for those close to him for they don't have heartaches, those time will heal, they have brokenhearts, perhaps I do too, and those hearts are fixed, as best as each of us can, but never ever NEVER the same.  And I know his closest loved ones, for them, their hearts are shattered.  His daughter's greatest loss is never knowing him.  In the long run though for me it's Heath who can't have what he should have had.  I ache for him, what a tragedy for him.  Maybe I should leave for I know I can't give comfort.  I miss for him too much. His death was so absolute wrong. 

jessi

[Emzan]

Maybe this is one reason I don't get comfort where a lot do.  He lives on in all he did and was and left and our celebration of him, but he can't be there for his baby, she won't really remember him.  I am crushed for those close to him for they don't have heartaches, those time will heal, they have brokenhearts, perhaps I do too, and those hearts are fixed, as best as each of us can, but never ever NEVER the same.  And I know his closest loved ones, for them, their hearts are shattered.  His daughter's greatest loss is never knowing him.  In the long run though for me it's Heath who can't have what he should have had.  I ache for him, what a tragedy for him.  Maybe I should leave for I know I can't give comfort.  I miss for him too much. His death was so absolute wrong. 

jessi

yes it was :\'(
and  to you, you seem to need them

[Matt Nasty]

Maybe this is one reason I don't get comfort where a lot do.  He lives on in all he did and was and left and our celebration of him, but he can't be there for his baby, she won't really remember him.  I am crushed for those close to him for they don't have heartaches, those time will heal, they have brokenhearts, perhaps I do too, and those hearts are fixed, as best as each of us can, but never ever NEVER the same.  And I know his closest loved ones, for them, their hearts are shattered.  His daughter's greatest loss is never knowing him.  In the long run though for me it's Heath who can't have what he should have had.  I ache for him, what a tragedy for him.  Maybe I should leave for I know I can't give comfort.  I miss for him too much. His death was so absolute wrong. 

jessi

so true  :\'(

[lancecowboy]

You are absolutely right, jessi. There is nothing right about Heath's death. Erica Bana said that Heath was robbed. He is also absolutely right. Heath was robbed of the time he could have spent watching Matilda growing up, learning to ride, learning to do all the little things he planned for her to do. Heath was robbed of all the movies he had planned to make, all the scripts he planned to write, all the lives that he would have touched, and most of all, all the love that would have been pouring to his support.

Sometimes, bad things happen to good people.

There is nothing right about it. We cannot make it right.

We can only make the rest of our lives right by them who loved us. Heath loved life and lived every moment fully, fearlessly, not dwelling on past mistakes, past regrets. He looked to the future while making the most of the present. He gave us a gift when he portrayed Ennis Del Mar, his regrets, his pain. He gave us a gift when he portrayed William Thatcher, a peasant who reached for the stars, and wished his dream until it came true.

We honor his memory when we imitate his life, and make the most of ours.

 

Maybe this is one reason I don't get comfort where a lot do.  He lives on in all he did and was and left and our celebration of him, but he can't be there for his baby, she won't really remember him.  I am crushed for those close to him for they don't have heartaches, those time will heal, they have brokenhearts, perhaps I do too, and those hearts are fixed, as best as each of us can, but never ever NEVER the same.  And I know his closest loved ones, for them, their hearts are shattered.  His daughter's greatest loss is never knowing him.  In the long run though for me it's Heath who can't have what he should have had.  I ache for him, what a tragedy for him.  Maybe I should leave for I know I can't give comfort.  I miss for him too much. His death was so absolute wrong. 

jessi

[Matt Nasty]

You are absolutely right, jessi. There is nothing right about Heath's death. Erica Bana said that Heath was robbed. He is also absolutely right. Heath was robbed of the time he could have spent watching Matilda growing up, learning to ride, learning to do all the little things he planned for her to do. Heath was robbed of all the movies he had planned to make, all the scripts he planned to write, all the lives that he would have touched, and most of all, all the love that would have been pouring to his support.

Sometimes, bad things happen to good people.

There is nothing right about it. We cannot make it right.

We can only make the rest of our lives right by them who loved us. Heath loved life and lived every moment fully, fearlessly, not dwelling on past mistakes, past regrets. He looked to the future while making the most of the present. He gave us a gift when he portrayed Ennis Del Mar, his regrets, his pain. He gave us a gift when he portrayed William Thatcher, a peasant who reached for the stars, and wished his dream until it came true.

We honor his memory when we imitate his life, and make the most of ours.

 

well said lancecowboy your posts are always so insightful and i enjoy reading them even if the topic is not a happy one. you truely do have a good soul

[chameau]

Sorry to be the usual pain in the butt Brokies, posting pictures of Matilda are not authorized since there are paparazzi shots, posting of them will be edited by the moderators.  Thanks for your co-operation.

[titabeille]

that picture of Matilda made me cry :\'( I miss her daddy

Dear Emzan, we are not allowed to speak about Heath's child, but I understand why you cry    Cham is right when he edits posts about Matilda 

[JAKELANDIA]

she was a behemoth
in her heyday
commanding respect
with each foray into
her local surroundings
and eventually the world

many came to her as well
to help sustain their lives
as best they could

but once her blood
had been spilled
and not staunched
in any number of ways
it could have been
each system shut down

more life pooled
onto the streets
hoping to be absorbed
by some other entity

death is familiar in the end
vultures came to pick away
the choicest bits
leaving this corpus
abandoned beside the river............................

[titabeille]

she was a behemoth
in her heyday
commanding respect
with each foray into
her local surroundings
and eventually the world

many came to her as well
to help sustain their lives
as best they could

but once her blood
had been spilled
and not staunched
in any number of ways
it could have been
each system shut down

more life pooled
onto the streets
hoping to be absorbed
by some other entity

death is familiar in the end
vultures came to pick away
the choicest bits
leaving this corpus
abandoned beside the river............................

  Very nice poem Jakelandia 

[chameau]

Dear Emzan, we are not allowed to speak about Heath's child, but I understand why you cry    Cham is right when he edits posts about Matilda 

Let me rephrase this, we could talk about Matilda but the pictures are not allowed because of the paparazzi origin and the respect due to the actors private lives.

[titabeille]

Let me rephrase this, we could talk about Matilda but the pictures are not allowed because of the paparazzi origin and the respect due to the actors private lives.

 ( ( ( You are right dear Cham : no paparazzi pics but words 

[Matt Nasty]

she was a behemoth
in her heyday
commanding respect
with each foray into
her local surroundings
and eventually the world

many came to her as well
to help sustain their lives
as best they could

but once her blood
had been spilled
and not staunched
in any number of ways
it could have been
each system shut down

more life pooled
onto the streets
hoping to be absorbed
by some other entity

death is familiar in the end
vultures came to pick away
the choicest bits
leaving this corpus
abandoned beside the river............................

good poem its very deep

[LuvJackNasty]

Maybe this is one reason I don't get comfort where a lot do.  He lives on in all he did and was and left and our celebration of him, but he can't be there for his baby, she won't really remember him.  I am crushed for those close to him for they don't have heartaches, those time will heal, they have brokenhearts, perhaps I do too, and those hearts are fixed, as best as each of us can, but never ever NEVER the same.  And I know his closest loved ones, for them, their hearts are shattered.  His daughter's greatest loss is never knowing him.  In the long run though for me it's Heath who can't have what he should have had.  I ache for him, what a tragedy for him.  Maybe I should leave for I know I can't give comfort.  I miss for him too much. His death was so absolute wrong. 

jessi

  Jessi. Yes his death is absolutely wrong. And no you shouldn't leave because you feel you can't give comfort.

I've had those feelings off and on and then I realized that maybe part of giving comfort wasn't necessarily in just the "right" words or some profound statement, that maybe it's just expressing the hurt and letting others know they are not alone in feeling the way they do. I don't know. 

[JAKELANDIA]

Very nice poem Jakelandia 

tns

[LuvJackNasty]

I was going to post some of the following yesterday but it put me back into a very dark place, so much so that all of my BBM stuff is now sitting in a box- I packed it all away because I couldn't stand to look at it anymore.

I was wondering if anyone else is stuck in the in-between place. I guess I’m feeling lost, if that’s the right word, sort of like a sheep that’s gotten separated from the flock. And I can't seem to transition back to life before 1/22- everything is upside down and inside out. I know it won't ever be the same again but Iguess I'm trying to find that new "normal". I always said it would take something big to shake me back down to “reality” again but I never expected nor wanted this. Then I started wondering if this was some kind of "sign"- to come down off the mountain-you know the bad storm from the pacific rolling in. Our paradise lost? I don't mean to turn his death into some kind of mission statement or whatever and of the day- he died. We will all die. There doesn't have to be a bigger reason behind it all- that's just life but yet it feels like there should be some reason behind it. Because it's senseless, untimely, tragic, heart-breaking and I guess in order to try and make some sense of it I need to grasp at straws or something. I guess I'm feeling a sense of "it's only fun until someone gets hurt" and then the “game” is over.

I kept thinking of AP's words- "the imagined power of BBM". But could it have been imaginary? No. There is no way that "power" wasn't real. And yet, I just can’t seem to get back to “normal”- J/E seem like strangers- I saw a vid with the reunion kiss in it and I had no reaction to it, tried to look at Jake pics last week, you know dipping a toe in, and it may as well have been a blank screen, no reaction; I have no interest in my fan fics. Friday night I went into the meets threads and looked at the three NY ones I was a part of in October and November. I guess trying to remember why I’m here, the really good times etc. And yeah I smiled and kind of felt good. But then it started to remind me of my last trip to NY and how everything just crashed down. There was that sharp contrast between the first three meets- the high, the euphoria, the love- just brokies being brokies and then how the January trip was such a harsh, horrible reality that I still can't find the words to describe it-everything changed for me then.

I guess I’m just at odds with myself in the sense that I know nothing will ever be the same again and the reason behind it is too heartbreaking to put into words. We’ve lost someone we love; someone who we didn't have the privelege to really know but who meant a great deal to us regardless. His poor parents had the unimaginable task of burying their child-something I hope to never experience and a little girl will grow up never really knowing her Daddy. I know it happens everyday in the world but not in my world and I guess I just don’t know how to reconcile it. I guess I should stop because this is turning into another non-sensical ramble.

[chameau]

 :\'(

It's OK to talk about it Michelle.

You now come over here 

[jessi]

yes it was :\'(
and  to you, you seem to need them

Thank you, you are right, in the long run maybe that's all we can do.  Give hugs and a caring ear.  Maybe the older I get the more difficut it is to deal with wrong, hurt, ifs.  Yet, heath helped me find something I never really knew I had, helped me to put visions to words, for what it's worth, maybe I'll do more with that because there is not a legacy, no matter how small, of Heath's that should be wasted.  And maybe someday I'll again talk without a ramble. lol.  thank you for your tolerance and caring. Two of his greatest legacys.

jessi

[megalyn08]

We understand you so well; we're all on the same boat. Still It's so hard to believe.

Tammy- pleased to meet you  and thank you for your words.
              Yesterday it was a month and still I can't believe he's passed away, it's a too sad thing.  :\'(
              So glad to have met BBM family  I really feel myself understood.
             
                                                   Love from Megalyn08 

[Matt Nasty]

welcome to the forum magelyn

[jessi]

Jessi. Yes his death is absolutely wrong. And no you shouldn't leave because you feel you can't give comfort.

I've had those feelings off and on and then I realized that maybe part of giving comfort wasn't necessarily in just the "right" words or some profound statement, that maybe it's just expressing the hurt and letting others know they are not alone in feeling the way they do. I don't know. 

Sharing.  Just sharing pain helps.

jessi

[titabeille]

- I packed it all away because I couldn't stand to look at it anymore.

-you know the bad  We will all die.

 I guess trying to remember why I’m here, the really good times etc. And yeah I smiled and kind of felt good.

. I guess I should stop because this is turning into another non-sensical ramble.

   You are here with us dear LJN ... We are alive 

[lancecowboy]

Thanks, zanhou1991. I am grateful for your compliment but the credit belongs to Heath. I am merely a mirror of the light from his old soul. I honestly try to do what he would have done. The more I learn about him, the more I love him, and there is no end to this.

I've lived with the pain of loss for many years, so it is nothing to me to have another layer on top of the old pain. And as I posted someplace else, the healing that this forum gave me for the last five months, and the healing that Heath gave through his portrayal of Ennis, is the only reason why I am not a mess. Like a broken bone that healed, the cracked place is stronger than before. My heart was broken into pieces. Heath and this forum healed it. I am stronger now than I was when I first joined here, because of you all.

Please always remember that I am merely a mirror of Heath's light, and a reflection of the friendship and love I received from this forum. I wish I can wave a magic wand and give up to you all what you have given me, so that the strength you gave me can be transferred back to you. Without the last five months in this forum, without the gift from Heath's amazing ability to touch souls, I am nothing. I came to this forum like Ennis at the end of the last meeting, when Jack said, "I wish I knew how to quit you." I am today what you all made me. Thank you all for that.

 

well said lancecowboy your posts are always so insightful and i enjoy reading them even if the topic is not a happy one. you truely do have a good soul

You are absolutely right, jessi. There is nothing right about Heath's death. Erica Bana said that Heath was robbed. He is also absolutely right. Heath was robbed of the time he could have spent watching Matilda growing up, learning to ride, learning to do all the little things he planned for her to do. Heath was robbed of all the movies he had planned to make, all the scripts he planned to write, all the lives that he would have touched, and most of all, all the love that would have been pouring to his support.

Sometimes, bad things happen to good people.

There is nothing right about it. We cannot make it right.

We can only make the rest of our lives right by them who loved us. Heath loved life and lived every moment fully, fearlessly, not dwelling on past mistakes, past regrets. He looked to the future while making the most of the present. He gave us a gift when he portrayed Ennis Del Mar, his regrets, his pain. He gave us a gift when he portrayed William Thatcher, a peasant who reached for the stars, and wished his dream until it came true.

We honor his memory when we imitate his life, and make the most of ours.

 

[carbyville]

I was going to post some of the following yesterday but it put me back into a very dark place, so much so that all of my BBM stuff is now sitting in a box- I packed it all away because I couldn't stand to look at it anymore.

I was wondering if anyone else is stuck in the in-between place. I guess I’m feeling lost, if that’s the right word, sort of like a sheep that’s gotten separated from the flock. And I can't seem to transition back to life before 1/22- everything is upside down and inside out. I know it won't ever be the same again but Iguess I'm trying to find that new "normal". I always said it would take something big to shake me back down to “reality” again but I never expected nor wanted this. Then I started wondering if this was some kind of "sign"- to come down off the mountain-you know the bad storm from the pacific rolling in. Our paradise lost? I don't mean to turn his death into some kind of mission statement or whatever and of the day- he died. We will all die. There doesn't have to be a bigger reason behind it all- that's just life but yet it feels like there should be some reason behind it. Because it's senseless, untimely, tragic, heart-breaking and I guess in order to try and make some sense of it I need to grasp at straws or something. I guess I'm feeling a sense of "it's only fun until someone gets hurt" and then the “game” is over.

I kept thinking of AP's words- "the imagined power of BBM". But could it have been imaginary? No. There is no way that "power" wasn't real. And yet, I just can’t seem to get back to “normal”- J/E seem like strangers- I saw a vid with the reunion kiss in it and I had no reaction to it, tried to look at Jake pics last week, you know dipping a toe in, and it may as well have been a blank screen, no reaction; I have no interest in my fan fics. Friday night I went into the meets threads and looked at the three NY ones I was a part of in October and November. I guess trying to remember why I’m here, the really good times etc. And yeah I smiled and kind of felt good. But then it started to remind me of my last trip to NY and how everything just crashed down. There was that sharp contrast between the first three meets- the high, the euphoria, the love- just brokies being brokies and then how the January trip was such a harsh, horrible reality that I still can't find the words to describe it-everything changed for me then.

I guess I’m just at odds with myself in the sense that I know nothing will ever be the same again and the reason behind it is too heartbreaking to put into words. We’ve lost someone we love; someone who we didn't have the privelege to really know but who meant a great deal to us regardless. His poor parents had the unimaginable task of burying their child-something I hope to never experience and a little girl will grow up never really knowing her Daddy. I know it happens everyday in the world but not in my world and I guess I just don’t know how to reconcile it. I guess I should stop because this is turning into another non-sensical ramble.

I mirror your thoughts on a lot of this, LJN. As much as I try and convince myself otherwise, I know none of this will ever be the same for me. I hate admitting it, but it is the truth. I feel like I just pushed a rewind button on my life and am back to early 2005 before BBM took over my life. I am back at the point where I was lost, looking for that "next best thing" and coming up way short.

At this point, I don't know if there will ever be another BBM for me. I don't know if there will ever be another Heath. I don't see myself ever getting into a movie again or ever having a favorite actor again. Heath is still my favorite, always will be but someone that I can continue to follow and watch? I just don't see it happening. Many actors have come in and out of my life but none of them have been taken from me before I was ready to let them go and that I cannot deal with. I never had the chance to grow tired of Heath I never had the chance to just lose interest and find someone else who was more important to me. Heath was and always will be my number one and I am at a point right now where I resent anyone else who is still alive and making movies.

While I do have my love of music to take the blow down a couple of notches, there is still that stabbing pain that I get when I think of him. I wrote this small tribute to Heath a couple weeks ago...

To the boy who took my breath away that very first time 9 years ago
To the man who changed my life twice in two very short years
To the soul who lives on in everything I look at
Heath, it's because of you that I'm like this. Miss you always, love you forever.

Forever is such a hard word for me, right now. I don't think we realize the implications of the word until something makes us. This made me. To know that me, you, his family and so many others will have to wake up every single day for the rest of their lives in a world without him is almost too much for me sometimes. To know we will never see him the way we did before. Never another pictures, never another interview, never another movie.

To have a daughter that is a mere 7 weeks younger than Heath's own daughter is tough on me, as well. All of the things I get to see my little girl do every day and that I will get to see her do through her life, one of the first things I think is "Heath will never experience this." He'll never take her to her first day of kindergarten, never get to attend her High School graduation, never dance with her at her wedding. This hurts me more than never getting to see him in another movie again.

Now I'm the one rambling. I guess in a nutshell I know that this is it for me. I know that BBM will always have a place in my heart and in my soul but it will never be what it was. I never think about it the way I used to and I probably never will again. In a way I can almost feel myself reverting back to who I was in 2005. Not so much personality-wise, but my thoughts. I can actually remember the time where BBM wasn't on my mind 24/7. I can remember doing other things and not once thinking about BBM. I now seem to have three periods in my life. Life before Brokeback, life during Brokeback and now, life after Brokeback.

I never wanted it to end this way, but I don't seem to have any control over it. The friendships I've made here will never drive me away but that seems to be all I am here for these days. I hate it so much, but I can't stop it.

I'll stop.