Topic: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory

[Emzan]

Twenty-two weeks later
You are still here
I can pretend you went somewhere
Doing a shoot in a location far far away
But the reality of missing you
Hit once in a while like a ton of bricks
When out of the blue
A line in a news article saying
You meant to walk the Great Wall with your friends
Would put me into tears and thoughts of you return
For days and days again

I can pretend you went away
Making more great movies and so I wait
For the movies to come out, and I wait
Buying your masterpieces like Candy and Monster's Ball
Pretending they are still new and fresh
But the heart sees through all pretenses
And nothing can hide the missing of you
Twenty-two weeks or twenty-two years
When the cold cruel world lies and cheats and steals
I think of your warm smile, and feel that you are near
I see the sun and the sand and the surf on the shore
I see the happy sweet life in Shelter
And feel again what you intended us to be
You are as real now, as you ever were, as you alway will be

this is so beautiful :\'( :\'(

[FlwrChild]

It really is, Andrew.

Twenty-two weeks. Since the 22nd of January. Is that why I feel like this today? I was just talking to Michelle about tears that sprang back up for him today, seemingly for no reason. He is indeed as real now as he ever was, and always will be. Thank you for those beautiful words.

[lancecowboy]

It really is, Andrew.

Twenty-two weeks. Since the 22nd of January. Is that why I feel like this today? I was just talking to Michelle about tears that sprang back up for him today, seemingly for no reason. He is indeed as real now as he ever was, and always will be. Thank you for those beautiful words.

You know, I never even thought of it, until I started the post, then I had to work out the math and all...Thanks for pointing it out...the coincidence between 22 weeks and Jan 22. My tears were set off by a news article that Asali brought over with her. She mentioned it before she left, and I thought nothing of it. But as I read the line, holding the paper in my hand, the tears came over me so fast, I didn't know I still feel that much. Shelter put me in a different space for the last two weeks, and I am glad to know, that being happy is okay, because I know...even though it's hard to say it, to write it, but I believe it...that Heath is still here, and always will be. Thanks to you all for accepting me and my wordy words.

[myprivatejack]

That' s wonderful,Andrew;thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings about Heath with us¡  Yes,twenty-two weeks that seemed so unreal when we thought about that January 22nd.Something like a bad joke,that we can understand nor accept although we know that,unluckily,it's true...I think of your warm smile, and feel that you are near...It's where he's now,in our minds,in our souls,in our hearts,forever. :\'(

[LuvJackNasty]

  Andrew Of course being happy is okay. Being able to laugh or smile is great-we are living life. And he is very much here, in the safest of places, where no one can hurt him, in our hearts and always will be.

[FlwrChild]

That's beautiful, mpj. And Andrew, it's a two way street - we're all in this together.    My thanks to all of you.

[LuvJackNasty]

  MPJ. Beautiful post.  :\'(

[myprivatejack]

Thanks,Barb and Michelle,but you know that I haven't said anything that all of us don't feel,and will feel forever...I think that a part of us will never accept nor understand that this is true;that he's not still in our world,and that we'll never see him again if it's not with the eyes of the heart. That every time,as Andrew says so well,that we'll see his warm smile and his sweet amber eyes,we'll feel him by our side,but we won't see him the same way...It's hard still to accept,and I guess that even when 22 months had passed and living without him had became a routine,something inside us will deny it.Because something in us died with him... :\'(

[FlwrChild]

You're right honey. That's exactly what's in my heart.

[LuvJackNasty]

  So well said, so true- all of it.  :\'(

[keren_b]

You know, I never even thought of it, until I started the post, then I had to work out the math and all...Thanks for pointing it out...the coincidence between 22 weeks and Jan 22. My tears were set off by a news article that Asali brought over with her. She mentioned it before she left, and I thought nothing of it. But as I read the line, holding the paper in my hand, the tears came over me so fast, I didn't know I still feel that much. Shelter put me in a different space for the last two weeks, and I am glad to know, that being happy is okay, because I know...even though it's hard to say it, to write it, but I believe it...that Heath is still here, and always will be. Thanks to you all for accepting me and my wordy words.

Andrew, what you wrote was so beautiful and touched my heart. About those news articles that Asali brought to us in Wisconsin, they were probably the same as what she gave you... I only looked at the title when we were in the hotel room and started crying and could hardly stop. I haven't found the courage to read them yet.

[keren_b]

Thanks,Barb and Michelle,but you know that I haven't said anything that all of us don't feel,and will feel forever...I think that a part of us will never accept nor understand that this is true;that he's not still in our world, and that we'll never see him again if it's not with the eyes of the heart. That every time,as Andrew says so well,that we'll see his warm smile and his sweet amber eyes,we'll feel him by our side,but we won't see him the same way...It's hard still to accept,and I guess that even when 22 months had passed and living without him had became a routine,something inside us will deny it.Because something in us died with him... :\'(

This is how I feel too Ali, you put your finger right on the spot. My heart still denies it most of the time, because I can't deal with it... Sometimes the realization comes close to the surface, the reality of him being gone, like when I see the words "Heath" and "death" in the same sentence, but then I quickly push it back down because I can't deal with it. I don't allow myself to think about it too much because then I break down. Like you say, I feel like something in me died with him and I don't dare touch that part, because I often feel that it's better to be numb than to feel the pain. It reminds me of a line from a Simon & Garfunkel song:

I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried.

[myprivatejack]

You're right,Keren:sometimes is better,I don't know if to be dumb,but cheating oneself than feel a pain that I'm sure will never dissapear completely...But you,we, must bearing in mind not that a part of you has died with him;but that a part of him is alive in us.It's as seeing the bottle half empty or half full,no?,and it works,believe me...  

[keren_b]

I know that's a better way to look at it Ali, but it's so hard sometimes... 

[Matt Nasty]

i feel the same as you guys alot... even though i am sure heath is in abetter place now sometimes it takes me a while.. its like i can be sad about his death for ages and then it hits me like a wave and it hurts even more because i realise he really is dead and its not some bad dream...

[LuvJackNasty]

  to everyone. I have days where I am perfectly fine, not quite back where I once was before January, but fine. Then I have days, like today, where it just hits and hits hard.

[Emzan]

In school today I was really angry because of a thing that happend, and sometimes when I get angry I feel like crying and we were walking down to the cafeteria and the radio was on and they played "you're still the one" and yesterday I saw a tribute video for Heath with that song and it made me cry very much, so when I heard the song it all came back to me and I just wanted to go home and cry :\'(

Sometimes its so hard to know that he's gone that I don't know what to do

[keren_b]

Giving some  back to everyone who needs them...

[Lis]

I had an experience in school today as well Emelie..Today, for over 3 per., all the Junior student had to go to the Auditorium for a Presentation on Drunk driving. The speaker was an truly amazing man, he got everyones attention, making us laugh, and make us cry (even guys). He was a retired police man, and he told us of experiences he had encountered over the years. Such as boy, named Michael, who was hit by a car, resulting in a head on collision with a tree. He was pronounced dead at the scene. He was only 17 and was a week away from graduation. He wanted to become a caretaker for underprivileged children. It took the speaker awhile to calm down while he told the story, especially when he told about his dad's reaction. I could only begin to image what my family would've gone through. He went through other stories as well and finally, before his time was up, he put on a CD and the song "Forever Young", played through the speakers. That really got to me..

After the man spoke, someone else came up. I'm not sure if I told you this story before but a girl in my school, named Angelica, was only 14, when she hit by a man under the influence of heroine, from the side of the car. Her mom began to speak to us, holding back the tears with every world she spoke. Again, I couldn't even try and imagine what she was going through. They took her to the hospital but nothing could be done, and she died, the same week that Heath was found dead, in his hotel apartment.

I know that most of this had nothing really to do with Heath, well, not until I saw this girl walking back to her seat. I presumed she was one of the girl's friends, because she was wearing a shirt which was in memory of her. I'm not sure what it said on the front, since she was pretty far away, but as she started to leave and go back to her seat, I saw, in big red and black letters "FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS". Immediately, I looked down at my wristband. It was almost the same as FC's quote, "For a moment in our lives, forever in our hearts". Except in the front, it had said "Gone but not forgotten". I know it's not much but it made me think, a lot. I thought, why, do these people, who could've changed the world, who were good people, have to be the ones to be taken so quickly from us? No matter if its someone we knew all our lives, or someone we had never met, they somehow, made a difference in our lives. And in that moment, I realized what my wristband is all about. Sure, it is a tribute to Heath, but the deeper meaning, is a tribute to a young person, innocent but bold, and old soul that only, for a short while, got their chance to shine. Heath, Angelica, Michael, all seemed like they were old souls, all looked at the world in a different way, yet was never able to go on with their plans...why?

[christie wood]

Wow, Lis, what an experience for you today, listening to those people tell their stories..that must have been hard anyway, but then relating to them to Heath and his life, it brings it all back to us. But thanks for sharing it with us...

And to everyone else needing them....

[Emzan]

Lis, reading this got me in tears :\'( I'm looking at my wristband and remembering that morning, January 23, when I got the news on the radio....
I can't imagine loosing a family member, but in a way Heath was like a family member, he did something for me, I don't know what it was, but right now it really hurts thinking that he's gone :\'(

[myprivatejack]

Lis,I imagine how hard must have been for you sharing the experiences of people who have seen death so close to them; and how present Heath must have been in your mind.I can only repeat thank you for sharing these sensations with us and for you and everybody who needs also a big 

[Hayley]

Twenty-two weeks later
You are still here
I can pretend you went somewhere
Doing a shoot in a location far far away
But the reality of missing you
Hit once in a while like a ton of bricks
When out of the blue
A line in a news article saying
You meant to walk the Great Wall with your friends
Would put me into tears and thoughts of you return
For days and days again

I can pretend you went away
Making more great movies and so I wait
For the movies to come out, and I wait
Buying your masterpieces like Candy and Monster's Ball
Pretending they are still new and fresh
But the heart sees through all pretenses
And nothing can hide the missing of you
Twenty-two weeks or twenty-two years
When the cold cruel world lies and cheats and steals
I think of your warm smile, and feel that you are near
I see the sun and the sand and the surf on the shore
I see the happy sweet life in Shelter
And feel again what you intended us to be
You are as real now, as you ever were, as you alway will be

So so beautiful..thanks for sharing your words with us 

[Hayley]

I had an experience in school today as well Emelie..Today, for over 3 per., all the Junior student had to go to the Auditorium for a Presentation on Drunk driving. The speaker was an truly amazing man, he got everyones attention, making us laugh, and make us cry (even guys). He was a retired police man, and he told us of experiences he had encountered over the years. Such as boy, named Michael, who was hit by a car, resulting in a head on collision with a tree. He was pronounced dead at the scene. He was only 17 and was a week away from graduation. He wanted to become a caretaker for underprivileged children. It took the speaker awhile to calm down while he told the story, especially when he told about his dad's reaction. I could only begin to image what my family would've gone through. He went through other stories as well and finally, before his time was up, he put on a CD and the song "Forever Young", played through the speakers. That really got to me..

After the man spoke, someone else came up. I'm not sure if I told you this story before but a girl in my school, named Angelica, was only 14, when she hit by a man under the influence of heroine, from the side of the car. Her mom began to speak to us, holding back the tears with every world she spoke. Again, I couldn't even try and imagine what she was going through. They took her to the hospital but nothing could be done, and she died, the same week that Heath was found dead, in his hotel apartment.

I know that most of this had nothing really to do with Heath, well, not until I saw this girl walking back to her seat. I presumed she was one of the girl's friends, because she was wearing a shirt which was in memory of her. I'm not sure what it said on the front, since she was pretty far away, but as she started to leave and go back to her seat, I saw, in big red and black letters "FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS". Immediately, I looked down at my wristband. It was almost the same as FC's quote, "For a moment in our lives, forever in our hearts". Except in the front, it had said "Gone but not forgotten". I know it's not much but it made me think, a lot. I thought, why, do these people, who could've changed the world, who were good people, have to be the ones to be taken so quickly from us? No matter if its someone we knew all our lives, or someone we had never met, they somehow, made a difference in our lives. And in that moment, I realized what my wristband is all about. Sure, it is a tribute to Heath, but the deeper meaning, is a tribute to a young person, innocent but bold, and old soul that only, for a short while, got their chance to shine. Heath, Angelica, Michael, all seemed like they were old souls, all looked at the world in a different way, yet was never able to go on with their plans...why?

Thanks for sharing that Lis

In the UK at the moment, though you folks in other countries might have heard, kids being killed by guns is a big problem. And you go to the newsgaents in the morning and see their faces and like you've said for Heath, Angelica and Michael, they had their whole lives in front of them..why??? For such a short word, in these cases it's the most difficult question to answer and comprehend.

[Lis]

Thanks for sharing that Lis

In the UK at the moment, though you folks in other countries might have heard, kids being killed by guns is a big problem. And you go to the newsgaents in the morning and see their faces and like you've said for Heath, Angelica and Michael, they had their whole lives in front of them..why??? For such a short word, in these cases it's the most difficult question to answer and comprehend.

Exactly  :\'(     :\'(

Thank you guys! 

[lancecowboy]

  Lis, Keren, Em, Everyone 

All I can say, to the question why, Lis, is that some answers are not for us to know, but no matter what the reason for their short stay here, one thing is for certain...they DID change the world.

Heath and that girl are indeed forever in our hearts...and as long as that is true, everything we do will be different because they were here with us, even for a brief short time. Their presence changed the world, through us, through everything that we do, we will do.

  for everyone. I am sorry if I touched off a wave of PHS. It just hit me sometimes, and putting the words here make me feel better. And to know you all share the same feelings make me feel not so alone with it. Thanks. 

[ksxks]

Twenty-two weeks later
You are still here
I can pretend you went somewhere
Doing a shoot in a location far far away
But the reality of missing you
Hit once in a while like a ton of bricks
When out of the blue
A line in a news article saying
You meant to walk the Great Wall with your friends
Would put me into tears and thoughts of you return
For days and days again

I can pretend you went away
Making more great movies and so I wait
For the movies to come out, and I wait
Buying your masterpieces like Candy and Monster's Ball
Pretending they are still new and fresh
But the heart sees through all pretenses
And nothing can hide the missing of you
Twenty-two weeks or twenty-two years
When the cold cruel world lies and cheats and steals
I think of your warm smile, and feel that you are near
I see the sun and the sand and the surf on the shore
I see the happy sweet life in Shelter
And feel again what you intended us to be
You are as real now, as you ever were, as you alway will be

This is so beautiful.  The bolded part -- it is indeed some kind of comfort to envision his warm smile...

kathy

[ksxks]

You know, I never even thought of it, until I started the post, then I had to work out the math and all...Thanks for pointing it out...the coincidence between 22 weeks and Jan 22. My tears were set off by a news article that Asali brought over with her. She mentioned it before she left, and I thought nothing of it. But as I read the line, holding the paper in my hand, the tears came over me so fast, I didn't know I still feel that much. Shelter put me in a different space for the last two weeks, and I am glad to know, that being happy is okay, because I know...even though it's hard to say it, to write it, but I believe it...that Heath is still here, and always will be. Thanks to you all for accepting me and my wordy words.

I love your wordy words! 

You know, my tears were set off by the papers that Asali brought, too, that I got in Chicago.  ("What a beautiful flame.")

kathy

[ksxks]

Andrew Of course being happy is okay. Being able to laugh or smile is great-we are living life. And he is very much here, in the safest of places, where no one can hurt him, in our hearts and always will be.

 

[Matt Nasty]

i feel a little sick now, i jsut seen a video that i didnt think would mention heath but it did  :\'(, it was about mary-kate olsen, they asked ehr questions and they asked about heath  :\'(, she said she would not comment on that and said she wanted to move on... i was thankful to her for that... i actually dont like her because she has a big fur clothing line... but im glad she had the decensy to not talk about heath. maybe she isnt as bad as i thought i mean heath liked her and he was one of the gretest people ever... cant ee him being to loving on the fur idea but... the video said something about the reports that heath and mary-kate had been dating... i wish it would have just shut up... they are just rumours who knows its got nothing behind it... and so what maybe they were whats it to do with them, im sick of the media right now