Topic: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory

[myprivatejack]

life is unfair but i beleive death is a better place...

It depends on who.But we can't think about this now,but living our life the best we can.Future will arrive someday,as the song says...

[jessi]

Yes,it`s true,but also,unfortunately,dying being young or a child is also part of living.Since there're so many illness and other problems we can't have a solution for,for example.It's so unfair,but,have we said that life is completely fair?.

Unfair is always very difficult for me, but it is more common, from what i've seen, than fairness.  It is what it is, as annie said, all I can do is let it be and stand it.  But it is still, feels to me, very wrong. 

[myprivatejack]

Unfair is always very difficult for me, but it is more common, from what i've seen, than fairness.  It is what it is, as annie said, all I can do is let it be and stand it.  But it is still, feels to me, very wrong. 

I know,I know...And you can't learn how to stand it in any school...  

[FlwrChild]

...Having had a number of losses of people in my life, I've had plenty of opportunites to "incorporate" those people into my life.  You said it so well.  Everything that they were, everything they were to us personally -- including the pain of their deaths -- we continue to carry with us, and it makes us all the more dimensional.  Also, maybe when Heath was here, he carried himself by himself, but now, he has a million people carrying him forward inside them.

kathy

Kathy, that's just beautiful. 

My sister died in a blink, freak accident, in 1985.  I knew my loss, knew she was gone, saw the body but have never in my head got over with it can't be real, it can't be real, I'll wake and call her, hear her voice and she'll laugh at how creepy my dream was.  I visited her grave in Ala. two weeks ago, made myself graphically remember that is where her body, NO not her spirit, but her body was and still it can't be real.  That is being haunted, and Heath will haunt my heart till I die, then my spirit will kick his spirit butt and tell him how much he has been missed and loved.  My sister too, for she died in a car accident caused by a violent storm and tornado and she had no business in that damn car.  I am haunted by a few losses and very bad choices. 

jessi

jessi, as usual you have expressed yourself beautifully. I'm so sorry for your losses. 

Sometimes nothing makes sense...except how much I care for you all

I couldn't have said it better Jess. I continue to be incredibly moved by the posts I read here, both for what they say about Heath and for what they say about our community. To me, both are the very best of the best.

[keren_b]

Jessi 

[ksxks]

I still feel like that too. I still can't accept it. I often ask myself, why him? Why him of all people? Of all people, why did it have to be Heath, this one person who is so amazing and beautiful and talented and special and that I loved so much. I can never accept that.

Me, too, Keren.  That "why him" is such a haunting and frustrating and unanswerable question.  But yes, out of all the people in the world, why him??

kathy

[ksxks]

My sister died in a blink, freak accident, in 1985.  I knew my loss, knew she was gone, saw the body but have never in my head got over with it can't be real, it can't be real, I'll wake and call her, hear her voice and she'll laugh at how creepy my dream was.  I visited her grave in Ala. two weeks ago, made myself graphically remember that is where her body, NO not her spirit, but her body was and still it can't be real.  That is being haunted, and Heath will haunt my heart till I die, then my spirit will kick his spirit butt and tell him how much he has been missed and loved.  My sister too, for she died in a car accident caused by a violent storm and tornado and she had no business in that damn car.  I am haunted by a few losses and very bad choices. 

jessi

You have my sympathy, jessi.  (My sister died in 1984, at 38.)  We love when people live till a ripe old age and then die -- that's not tragic at all.  But people who die too young, and by accident -- that is just one of the things about this life whether we understand it or not.

kathy

[jessi]

You have my sympathy, jessi.  (My sister died in 1984, at 38.)  We love when people live till a ripe old age and then die -- that's not tragic at all.  But people who die too young, and by accident -- that is just one of the things about this life whether we understand it or not.

kathy

My sister was a week from her 40th birthday.  I think if we live to be 110, it's still not near long enough.  To day young is universal insanity, whatever the big picture's scheme of things at his worst.  The older I get the more all these things that are part of life looks.  I begine to understand how Samuel Clemens and others I've read about, older people I know, how they can begin to become bitter.  Truth is it is what it is and all we can do is is the best we can do, and often being with others as we are makes all the difference.

jessi

jessi

[FlwrChild]

What can I say but  ?

[babytammy7]

Hi friends. 

I'm not feeling very well these last days; I'm feeling so very down, but I just want to share some things with you.

Before Rajel died I got the Heath's tattoo in my right wrist. It's the heart Heath drew before his death. It's not exactly the same because the pic was not very clear, but I love it the same because it reminds me of our sweet boy. It's still healing but I hope that in a few days I'm gonna be able to post a pic here (if Marj helps me..).

Do you know Ted? Well, he's an amazing talented wonderful guy who writes BBM shots and one fic, pure poetry, powerful and precious, straight to the heart. He won an auction not long time ago, and the prize was a lunch with Jake G. at the set of the movie he was filming then. He spent a marvelous day with Jake. Ted is gonna post the complete inform of that day in his journal today or tomorrow, and he told me that it's gonna be a huge one, with a lot of pages. He's gonna post the link to his journal here at Ennisjack so everyone can read the wonderful things Jake said to him.
I asked Ted if I could say this to all of you and he said that Rosie and I could do it, so here I am. Jake told Ted that he could asked him whatever he wanted, he could asked him about everything, and well Ted asked about Heath...... :\'( :\'( :\'(  I don't know what Ted asked and I don't know what Jake replied (I have to wait a few hours more to know it, like everyone) but Ted told to my friend Steffi that when he asked him about Heath, Jake started to cry..... Oh God, Jake started to cry..... :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'( I was so very moved when I learned about that, and I cried my eyes out so bad. That's unbearably heartbreaking...

I asked if I could say it here because I wanted every brokie to know that we all were right the whole time. Jake loved his friend so so much and he was deeply shattered when Heath died.
I was terribly angry when some people said over LJ that Jake didn't love Heath, and now I feel better because that people are gonna have to shut their mouths now.
I wanted to share this with you to try to get your attention to Ted's inform, because I think it's gonna be utterly beautiful, even if that is gonna hurt like hell.

Also Jake knew about the Oxford brokie gathering.

Well, that's all. Thank you so much. 

[Matt Nasty]

thanks for sharing tammy

[myprivatejack]

Thanks for sharing with us this wonderful but so sad history,Tammy; I looking forward to read it,although I know that my state of mind these last days isn't the most suitable... :\'( I've never doubted that Jake and Heath were good friends,and that now he's so devastated as we're for Heath and for Rajel.People speaks too much,but hardly never they stop and think things over.

[Matt Nasty]

i feel so bad for jake, for my baby to cry when people said he didnt care.

[Emzan]

Thank you Tammy for telling us about that

But just to think that Jake started to cry makes me cry too :\'( :\'( He really cared about Heath and I have never thought anything else, I don't understand what the people who said that he didn't was thinking!

[keren_b]

Thanks for sharing it with us Tammy. I don't know what to say... this is beyond sad for me. I've heard about Ted's meet with Jake, and I've been planning to read his report, but now I kinda feel like I'm invading Jake's privacy by doing that... because the way it sounds, that was an extremely personal moment. And also, I had no doubt that Jake was grieving over Heath, but somehow to actually read that he was crying when asked about him... that just makes it worse.

[sportstalk23]

thank you for sharing tammy and I hope you will come through fine what ticks me off is when Heath and Michelle named jake godfather to their baby daughter that is not something you just do for somebody that you worked with and hungout with a lil bit and so for people that make comments and I see alot of them on youtube especially with the heath and jake mvids "well they werent that close", or "you dont need to be best friends to name someone godparent to your child", or "it was a friendship based on promoting the movie" or "if they were so close why hasnt Jake said anything" when I hear stuff like that I wanna throw something like a punch  ^^) grief is a very traumatic thing that compels people differently Cristian Bale feels compelled by his grief to share memories of Heath publicly, Shannon Sassoman from a Knights Tale will be speaking about him on the E True Hollywood Story saw her in the promo, someone like Jake has chosen not to everybody knows the movie Moonlight Mile is loosely based on the I believe the Director's girlfriend Rebecca Shafer being shot to death or her door step by a psycho fan I remember that well I was 11 and really liked her  and her show My Sister Sam I too had high hopes for her as well I believe she was 20 or 21 but the lady who played her sister on the show Pam Dauber was so devastated by her death that she has never spoke of it to the press even to this day that was 20 years ago but there is no doubt for a second how Pam loved Rebecca just like I've never doubted for a second the sincerity of how close Heath and Jake are it was very natural as both come from family's of sisters Heath had 3 Jake has Maggie so it wouldnt surprised me that 2 guys of the same age from close families would gravitate towards each other like brothers and frankly Heath and Michelle couldnt have picked a better person as a godfather for that precious child again thank you tammy for giving this insight and your in my thoughts too even though I'm new on the board the soap board I'm on recently had a beloved member pass away weeks ago

[myprivatejack]

I think that some people has confused the fact of being or not friends by having made a movie together-they had not need of being the best friends;it's very usual to finish promotion time and say goodbye because nothing else joins them...-.And the fact that Jake has been very criticised for not having said a word about Heath,neither when he died nor in the following weeks or,even,months-and,as they opine,he must-.You already know that some very ugly things have been said about him,things that didn't matter because they have nothing to do with this tragedy...And even the main criticism insinuated that he hadn't even gone to any of the tributes and ceremonies they have done for his (then) pretended friend.
IMO,Jake didn't have to say anything about anybody if he didn't want to,not only because it's a part of his intimity;but also because I think he didn't make public his feelings for not following with this certain "ambiguity" that someone wanted to apply to their relationship.Making some gay roles in a movie could have marked them in their future performances,and it did somehow,according to some people's mind...So,I guess he preferred ,very wisely, not to give "wings" to these hints and gossips with something so special and private.As regards to not having gone to any ceremony in Heath's honour; how can they know he hasn't gone anywhere?,what do this people can know about the private life of a famous person?.And above all; how can some people be so narrow-minded and naughty?.
Knowing that Jake has cried thinking about Heath makes another "turn of the nut"in my grief,that these last days is more latent and that this news has just increased. :\'(

[babytammy7]

I'm so very sorry for making you all sad, friends.  Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.....

I just wanted to share that with you because in a weird way I felt that I was not alone here when I learned about Jake's reaction. Well, I've never felt alone here with all of you and I know my sadness is the same as yours. We all loved Heath so so much. But knowing that Jake cried made me felt that my tears were all right, that it still hurts, that the love we felt for him was real, is real, and that no matter how happy we seem to be, Jake seems to be, because Heath is deep down inside our hearts and just hearing his name make us feel intensely sad and at the same time extremely grateful for feeling the sweet joy of being touched by his work and life. Maybe this makes no sense at all. These are just my feelings now I'm down.

Keren, hon, now I feel so bad. I know that maybe I'm invading Jake's privacy by reading Ted's inform... but Ted told Jake about us, about all the brokies here and at DC forum and at Bettermost forum, and all over the world; he even told Jake about Oxford, so I think that Jake knew for sure that Ted was gonna tell us about what they said to each other. That was Jake who said to Ted that he could ask whatever he wanted, and knowing that Ted was a brokie, loving Ennis and Heath, I think that Jake could suspect at some point that some question about Heath could be there...; but he was so kind and generous to let Ted has his way...Maybe Jake understood that brokies are not like Media, that we don't judge, we are not looking for gossips, that we are tolerant understanding people, that we simply loved Heath.

Anyway, I'm really sorry if I hurt someone here..Matt, Keren, Ali, Emelie and Sportstalk. 

[sportstalk23]

I'm so very sorry for making you all sad, friends.  Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.....

I just wanted to share that with you because in a weird way I felt that I was not alone here when I learned about Jake's reaction. Well, I've never felt alone here with all of you and I know my sadness is the same as yours. We all loved Heath so so much. But knowing that Jake cried made me felt that my tears were all right, that it still hurts, that the love we felt for him was real, is real, and that no matter how happy we seem to be, Jake seems to be, because Heath is deep down inside our hearts and just hearing his name make us feel intensely sad and at the same time extremely grateful for feeling the sweet joy of being touched by his work and life. Maybe this makes no sense at all. These are just my feelings now I'm down.

Keren, hon, now I feel so bad. I know that maybe I'm invading Jake's privacy by reading Ted's inform... but Ted told Jake about us, about all the brokies here and at DC forum and at Bettermost forum, and all over the world; he even told Jake about Oxford, so I think that Jake knew for sure that Ted was gonna tell us about what they said to each other. That was Jake who said to Ted that he could ask whatever he wanted, and knowing that Ted was a brokie, loving Ennis and Heath, I think that Jake could suspect at some point that some question about Heath could be there...; but he was so kind and generous to let Ted has his way...Maybe Jake understood that brokies are not like Media, that we don't judge, we are not looking for gossips, that we are tolerant understanding people, that we simply loved Heath.

Anyway, I'm really sorry if I hurt someone here..Matt, Keren, Ali, Emelie and Sportstalk. 

no need to worry tammy  i am not saddened at this news all it did was confirm what all of us brokies and fans of heath and jake know is that we didnt need a media statement to know their friendship was the real deal and that jake is kind enough to open that part of himself to is fans says if he never makes a statement or does so in the future it wont alter my opinion of him as a person which is a pretty standup guy

[keren_b]

Tammy, you shouldn't apologise, you didn't hurt anyone... and you're right, Jake probably knew that Ted would tell his friends about their conversation, and he still told him he could ask anything. And I would've read it all in Ted's report even if you hadn't said anything. it's just so heartbreaking to think how much Jake misses Heath and how much his death affected him.

[keren_b]

I know that fiction shouldn't be mixed up with reality, and I assure you all that I can make this separation. But I can't help but thinking about Heath and Jake and Michelle and how their lives were affected by BBM.

In the movie, Ennis married Alma and they had two daughters, and then they got divorced. In reality Heath and Michelle fell in love and had a daughter together, and then they broke up. In the movie Ennis and Jack became lovers and then Jack died, and Ennis has been left behind, crying over him. Jake and Heath weren't lovers, they were just good friends, good enough for Heath to ask Jake to be his daughter's godfather... but in reality it was Heath who died a tragic death. And it is Jake who's been left behind and he's crying over his friend. No, it's not the same, but I can't ignore the parallels.

Ennis's tears in the trailer at the end of the movie devestate me every time, it breaks my heart. Jake's tears apparently have the same effect.

[Lis]

I just read your post Tammy and I just don't know what to say. I had no idea about this man who got to meet Jake in person, being a Brokie himself. But the words you said about Ted and Jake, and their meet as finally the part when Ted asked about Heath's death, just makes this tragedy even more real. I had no doubt in my mind that Jake and Heath cared about each other and found friendship through Brokeback. I hated when people critized Jake for not giving Heath the time of day after his death. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors and to now hear about Jake's tears, that his pain is still present, as are ours, makes me lost for words..Thank you Tammy for your post :\'(

[myprivatejack]

I'm so very sorry for making you all sad, friends.  Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.....

I just wanted to share that with you because in a weird way I felt that I was not alone here when I learned about Jake's reaction. Well, I've never felt alone here with all of you and I know my sadness is the same as yours. We all loved Heath so so much. But knowing that Jake cried made me felt that my tears were all right, that it still hurts, that the love we felt for him was real, is real, and that no matter how happy we seem to be, Jake seems to be, because Heath is deep down inside our hearts and just hearing his name make us feel intensely sad and at the same time extremely grateful for feeling the sweet joy of being touched by his work and life. Maybe this makes no sense at all. These are just my feelings now I'm down.

Keren, hon, now I feel so bad. I know that maybe I'm invading Jake's privacy by reading Ted's inform... but Ted told Jake about us, about all the brokies here and at DC forum and at Bettermost forum, and all over the world; he even told Jake about Oxford, so I think that Jake knew for sure that Ted was gonna tell us about what they said to each other. That was Jake who said to Ted that he could ask whatever he wanted, and knowing that Ted was a brokie, loving Ennis and Heath, I think that Jake could suspect at some point that some question about Heath could be there...; but he was so kind and generous to let Ted has his way...Maybe Jake understood that brokies are not like Media, that we don't judge, we are not looking for gossips, that we are tolerant understanding people, that we simply loved Heath.

Anyway, I'm really sorry if I hurt someone here..Matt, Keren, Ali, Emelie and Sportstalk. 

Tammy,please,don't think neither you've hurt someone nor you shouldn't have said anything; our tears by knowing Jake's ones would have been the same when we'd known them for other ways.Because there're always here,with us,waiting for the minimum phrase,gesture or act to come to the surface.You've thought in all of us to share your friend's happinnes by having a great time with Jake,but also his and your sadness by seeing him,or knowing that he has cried for his,and our,friend.There's nothing to be sorry in it,all the contrary;in my case-that's what I can speak about...-I only said that I'm very "soft" these days for what you already know.And,of course,thinking about another good friend who has lost his loved person as we have lost ours too,was another reason for feeling sadder.But,what doesn't make me cry these days?.Don't worry,little darlin'.

[myprivatejack]

I know that fiction shouldn't be mixed up with reality, and I assure you all that I can make this separation. But I can't help but thinking about Heath and Jake and Michelle and how their lives were affected by BBM.

In the movie, Ennis married Alma and they had two daughters, and then they got divorced. In reality Heath and Michelle fell in love and had a daughter together, and then they broke up. In the movie Ennis and Jack became lovers and then Jack died, and Ennis has been left behind, crying over him. Jake and Heath weren't lovers, they were just good friends, good enough for Heath to ask Jake to be his daughter's godfather... but in reality it was Heath who died a tragic death. And it is Jake who's been left behind and he's crying over his friend. No, it's not the same, but I can't ignore the parallels.

Ennis's tears in the trailer at the end of the movie devestate me every time, it breaks my heart. Jake's tears apparently have the same effect.

I know what you mean,Keren; some of us talked about this in the first days after Heath's passing.About how strange life is and how it can look like fiction;about the contradiction of being alive who has played the role who died in the movie,and being dead in real life who remained alive in it...Yes,Ennis tears have devastated us and will do in the future,they seem so real¡; but Jake's ones devastate us more still,because THEY'RE real indeed. :\'(

[Emzan]

Tammy, maybe you're getting tired of hearing this, but I'm going to say it anyway, you didn't hurt anyone by telling us. Even if I was sad reading it, I felt this weird feeling of being happy, not because Jake was crying, but because he was showing his real emotions about how he was really feeling about Heaths death. I have never doubt that he wasn't devastated over his death because we know that Jake and Heath created something special with BBM and thats the reason we're all here right now.

 

[Hayley]

My sister was a week from her 40th birthday.  I think if we live to be 110, it's still not near long enough.  To day young is universal insanity, whatever the big picture's scheme of things at his worst.  The older I get the more all these things that are part of life looks.  I begine to understand how Samuel Clemens and others I've read about, older people I know, how they can begin to become bitter.  Truth is it is what it is and all we can do is is the best we can do, and often being with others as we are makes all the difference.

jessi

jessi

To quote Jack Twist: "There ain't ever enough time"

However, long we live, we have a tendency to get lazy and adopt do it tomorrow attitude. But life's too short whether we live to 28 or 82 or over a 100.

We'll never understand why any young person is taken way before their time and when we lose an older loved one we still ask if only I'd had one more chance, one more drink etc. But the world's a mysterious place & to not have that mystery would make our lives unnecessary.      

Best thing we can do is make the most of every second (as Heath did in my opinion) & love those around us.

Hopefully, what awaits us after this life is a little more relaxing.                               

[FlwrChild]

Well put Hayley.


And Tammy, as everyone said, no harm was done. All of our memories and anecdotes have a bittersweet tint to them, but that's just part of the package for us now. 

[ksxks]

To quote Jack Twist: "There ain't ever enough time"

However, long we live, we have a tendency to get lazy and adopt do it tomorrow attitude. But life's too short whether we live to 28 or 82 or over a 100.

We'll never understand why any young person is taken way before their time and when we lose an older loved one we still ask if only I'd had one more chance, one more drink etc. But the world's a mysterious place & to not have that mystery would make our lives unnecessary.     

Best thing we can do is make the most of every second (as Heath did in my opinion) & love those around us.

Hopefully, what awaits us after this life is a little more relaxing.                               

I love this, what I bolded, Hayley, and everything you said here.  Good thing life is a mystery, because the unknown will always keep beckoning us, and this is good.

Just a bit more of my personal story:  my mother died too young (58), and I am now older than she ever got to be, so that makes me treasure every day all the more...

kathy

[ksxks]

Well put Hayley.

And Tammy, as everyone said, no harm was done. All of our memories and anecdotes have a bittersweet tint to them, but that's just part of the package for us now. 

Bittersweet, yes.  That's how I like my chocolate, too!  Seriously, the poignancy of life is one of its beauties.  Poignancy contains a touch of sadness...  Something that can make you cry but is so beautiful nonetheless.

kathy

[FlwrChild]

It sure is Kathy.


  for your mother.