Topic: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory

[lancecowboy]

Hi, Tony, you are always right on the money with your comments and observation. I agree with everything you said, and just wanted to extend on a couple new points you made:

1. Nick Drake - I just found out about this last night (talk about synchronicity) and also a "news" article about Heath making a short movie, documentary of Nick's death. It reminds me of what the director of I'm Not Here said about seeing some of Heath's short movies. It may not be the right place to talk about it here, now. But eventually, when more information comes of this, it is worthwhile to understand Heath better.

2. Graphoanalysis - I also studied it briefly and I am NOT an expert. I understand the basic concepts, and what you said of Heath's writing makes a lot of sense to me. I would love to pursue this further as well. Again, this may not be the time and place for it.

Whenever you post your views, I am always surprised by new ideas and new perspectives to see the world, to see life in action. Thank you, Tony. 

   I've noticed that some posts over the last several days have mentioned periods of severe reactions still occurring, and it is now about 2 weeks
since we lost Heath.  Am very grateful to those who did, because I've had the same experiences and it was comforting to know I wasn't losing
my mind.  Am especially grateful to Baby Tammy for telling of the haunting dream she had, and to Lance, who has been rightful to everybody.
And, of course, there were others who I've never met on the forum, but now know they are there and wonderful people.
   Grief is bad enough, but I have found emotional instability to be the larger challenge.  A lot of that bad reaction comes from some of the
information reported about Heath's last few months, most of which had been squashed, even before the industry people got that video banned.
I found much of the early reports credible, and they were very hurtful. One, which I ought to be able to mention here, was a tape of Heath
at a news conference openly saying he had had an obsession with the singer Nick Drake, who I looked up on the internet and it turned out
that guy had a terrible sleep disorder.  The early information, then, still lingers on to trouble me, although am fairly comfortable with the
tracking away from those stories and not airing them. But there was enough to flesh out a Heath Ledger that more than ever, deserved the love
we already had for him.
   It's kind of standard, now, the advice of many to focus on what was given to us, and to heal up in an orderly way, on some schedule.  But
people don't follow projected graph lines and anything can set off new hurts, even little stuff.  Yesterday, in the photos section, a quote from
Heath was posted, apparently in his own printing.  I can't win.  I studied graphoanalysis somewhat, years ago, and that field is accepted as
legitimate in courts cases.  Am not an expert, but that printing was off the charts in what it revealed: unusual dignity, yet unusual lack of ego.
Athletic and outgoing nature, yet wildly creative.  I would be very surprised if that wasn't his printing and would be glad to be wrong.  Because
even that one little discovery added to what is, for me, an unending torrent of information that we lost much more than we knew.
  Well, wanted to thank the people who have comforted all of us, and ended up rambling.  I really am grateful for all of you being here.

[BBBOY]

Wow, lancecowboy and Tony, thanks for the posts. You guys are really holding up the fort here these days. Thanks, from my heart.

[lancecowboy]

I went to cinema yesterday. "I'm Not There". I wanted to see his last movie released. When I saw him, I was a bit mourn, but this feeling disappeared because he's such a good acor in this role, as an identity of Bob Dylan. He is great, and beatiful. He acted so well. When I got out the cinema, I was speechless. I'm Not There is a masterpiece.
In August will be released in France The Dark Knight. I am so excited, but also anxious, about his last film, his last great role, probably a character we will never forget.
He passed away 2 weeks ago from now, I bought Brokeback Mountain to see it again, and, actually when I'm stroke by Jack's death, I am about Heath's passing, because this film is my favourite one, and he is no more now. he will now exist through the eternity of his movies.

Thank you guillaume75. Others have said the same thing about their recent viewing of Brokeback Mountain. It puts me more at ease for my own return engagement. I am still apprehensive, and will wait until this weekend. I look forward to seeing and owning ALL of Heath's movies. I just hope prices don't go up. It's unconscionable what some people would do to make more money.

I guess I should not begrudge the extra few dollars. Afterall, I suppose some of it goes to the residual in Heath's account, which would likely go towards a trust fund for Matilda. At least, that is what I hope when I buy the DVDs, probably a few each year until I have the whole collection.

Thanks to the wonderful moderators who posted in the special edition newsletter, the long list of films with Heath in them. You people are the best.

[white_angel]

    So young and so beautiful

[afhickman]

The picture of Heath with the accordion is heartbreakingly beautiful.  Thanks so much.

"The mountain has wings."

[smartestsonia]

I am dam upset....After Heath died I watched Brokeback mountain..i know it is too late...the impact was much more for me as he was dead...Jake is taking it really hard..Hope he is better.. BBM is one of the best movies that I have seen

[lancecowboy]

    So young and so beautiful

Thank you for sharing this beautiful photo, white_angel.
It shows Heath at his usual love-of-life moment.
So talented and so generous.

[lancecowboy]

Very beautiful post Tony!!! Thank you so much for being always here, by our side, giving us support and wise words!!   

I'm quite sad today, but above all, so angry!!! I'm mad at my own friends. Every time I try to share my sorrow and explain how I'm feeling inside to my friends, they always say something stupid like Heath killed himself, or like he killed himself 'cause he was trying to imitate Nick Drake, or like he used to take pills and drugs, or like he was wrong in so many things, or like HE WAS A VERY BAD ACTOR!!!! Oh my......I think I'm going to be alone without friends in a couple of days 'cause I couldn't stand that no more and I said to them very horrible and nasty things.......Why nobody in my RL can understand me?  :\'(  :\'(  :\'(

  Tammy 

I have learned that people hold on to their own opinions and nothing in the world can change them, not you, not I, not even the truth, so save your tears and anger. I save my tears for this forum, to share with friends who understand. I let go of my anger, as advised by the essay posted by hpv a while ago. Some people are cynical and angry at the world for what ever reasons. And they spread and anger and cynicism around them like a garbage truck dumping their toxic load to anyone. It is not you or Heath that they pick on. They just needed to dump their overflowing anger and cynicism at someone, anyone. The Garbage Truck talked about anger, but I include cynicism here because it is a passive-aggressive form of anger. Instead of blowing up in violent outbursts, cynicism is actually much worse, a festering kind of anger that pokes its ugly head out in hurtful words. And we all know that words can hurt much worse with more enduring consequences than physical blows.

Arguing with them is a waste of your precious time. Their mind is already poisoned so no argument can sway it. They would only enjoy seeing you in pain. That's what bullies want.

The answer to these bullies is simple. Smile and walk away. Let them suffer to see your joy.

You will always have this valley of peace and friendship to embrace you with open arms.

We understand you, Tammy. 

[lancecowboy]

I wrote a while back, that I relate to Ennis more than I do Heath, because to me Ennis is more real in his lonely trailer on the vast Wyoming plain, than Heath in his VIP circle of celebrity friends.

This last couple weeks changed that.

Now I relate to Heath as another human being, an ordinary human being who achieved an extraordinary life.

Heath had the same problems we all had, faced the similar demons, and had to overcome similar trials and tribulations. What made him special was the attitudes he carried all his life, to face those problems, and to overcome those difficulties.

As someone once told me, we are not defined by what happened to us. We are defined by how we react to what happened to us.

Heath always chose to react with sincerity, honesty, generosity, love and understanding. With a heart so pure, he must suffer so much in a world so cruel and devious. It must be a puzzle for him, how some people, like Guy Finlay, could be so vindictive and mean. I would not be surprised that Heath suffered in silence. It would be like him, to stand what cannot be fixed.

And now, with all the outpouring of love, I am hopeful that he is looking down from heaven, with the same smile that Ennis had, sending up to heaven a prayer of thanks.

[jackster]

. . . . This last couple weeks changed that.
Now I relate to Heath as another human being, an ordinary human being who achieved an extraordinary life.
Heath had the same problems we all had, faced the similar demons, and had to overcome similar trials and tribulations. . .

Very nicely put LC. I think you’re absolutely right, the past few weeks have required us all to see many things in a new light.

For a long time I’ve had a secret feeling that Heath felt and understood much more about Ennis (and his demons) that he ever let on, or maybe than he really recognized himself. How else can one explain his simply magical transformation into Ennis? This wasn’t acting, this is something more than acting, something transcendental. Even Annie recognized this complete and utter transformation, it was like a trance. Heath entirely disappears, as if he was “channeling” Ennis to help us all see and feel this silent suffering.

[Tony]

    Hello everybody.  Yesterday BBBOY thanked me and Lance for posting a lot, but it occurred to me, that some others might take offense at
those of us who frequently post, as if we're saying our grief and shock is greater.  It's the nature of cyberspace that it can be
so easy to get something wrong, and though it's a small matter-would like to explain.
   It's a big forum we have here, with many cubbyholes, and many of us never run into each other outside those areas.  But there are a number
of us from the discussion threads, and there, frequent posting is not only normal, but necessary, and even encouraged.  So we're showing up
here, carrying with us those habits, and with no intent other than to keep everybody together.
   No big deal, but if you are not familiar with us because you aren't ever in the discussion threads, please understand---nobody is saying we
know more, or feel more than you do.  There's about 10 of us, and that's the explanation.  We're trying to use our habits there, to help keep
everybody together here.  It was just a thought, that some Brokies from other forum areas might have wondered why we post often.  No biggie.
That's the reason.  Myself, I have been greatly comforted by reading posts from those I never knew of & hope they keep at it.

[NoReins]

Tony - I certainly don't feel that you or anyone else is trying to claim that they feel more grief than the rest of us. All of your posts - and those of the other regular posters - have been comforting and interesting. I'm afraid I don't visit the discussion threads as often as I used to - there's never enough time to read and post everywhere and my "frequent haunts" over the last few months have really just been the fanfic threads and the photo threads. I have been looking in on other areas a lot more in the last couple of weeks, though - maybe because knowing we're all still here and still caring as much as we ever did is a comfort too. It's weird - but in some way I feel as though my love for, and interest in, the characters of Ennis and Jack have been brought to the fore once again by this tragedy and that's making me take an interest in areas of this forum that had perhaps got a little stale for me (as a "veteran" of almost 2 years now!!)

Anyway, I guess I'm getting off topic but please keep posting!

[keren_b]

It's sad to say, but I've hardly talked to any of my RL friends since Heath died. I know they can't really understand and I don't think I can bare criticism now. On the other hand I can't pretend that everything is fine with me either, so for now I just don't talk.

[FlwrChild]

I have been mostly offline for the last couple days and am just now catching up again. First things first.

   to everyone.

Tony, I agree with NoReins. I don't think anyone sees your posts for anything other than what they are - your need to express your feelings and be there for the other members who want to express theirs. And that is, after all, what this thread is for. To honor and remember Heath, and to share our feelings about not just his passing, but his life as well. I for one have been very grateful to have this haven to come to. Because much like Keren and Tammy, and so many of us I think, I really don't have  any friends that I can talk to in depth about the way I feel right now. A few have offered nice thoughts, since they knew that I was a fan, but it's different to try to explain why losing him feels so personal. So instead I bring that here, where I know you will all be waiting with open arms and solid shoulders, and that you feel the same way so there is no need to try to explain it or justify it to you.

So for all of those things, I want to thank each and every one of you. I am a part of a truly wonderful family.

[Asali]

It's sad to say, but I've hardly talked to any of my RL friends since Heath died. I know they can't really understand and I don't think I can bare criticism now. On the other hand I can't pretend that everything is fine with me either, so for now I just don't talk.

keren  I can relate to that.

I believe Heath will be laid to rest on Saturday.

[cowgirlKt!]

Hiya everyone. Ive been reading some wonderfully touching posts again and again i find myself thinking how wonderful everyone is  Please bare with me but i have just tried to attatch my painting what i have dedicated to Heath that i said id post when i joined the board. (Then it was to say hi from me but also now its a tribute..god who'd have thought that id be dedicating it to Heath? :\'( ) Anyway...not sure if this attatchements going to work....if not im sorry and could someone please tell me how to attatch images...sorry if i seem a bit stupid!   Today i got a surprise. In the Uks STAR mag this week they have printed my little dedication to Heath and my painting. Its nice but tinged with sadness...id rather he be still alive than it being in the mag of course.... :\'(

[white_angel]

I am dam upset....After Heath died I watched Brokeback mountain..i know it is too late...the impact was much more for me as he was dead...Jake is taking it really hard..Hope he is better.. BBM is one of the best movies that I have seen

 You are exactly right!
Brokeback Mountain is indeed the movie I will never get enough watching.

[Tony]

    Thanks, NoReins, and Flowerchild.  Many thanks.  But was kind of referring to all of us from the discussion threads----we all post a lot and
was thinking the Brokies who never go there were wondering who we were and so explained, on those threads frequent posting is the norm.
   Well, back to what I've called the unending torrent of new information about Heath.  Found an interview with his father from another forum
with reference to the water pistol incident in Sydney.  Heath broke down and wept all night, called his Dad in the morning, and said: sell the house.
He just couldn't stand the petty hostility.
  Most of what I have read is staggering, particularly about the contradictions in his nature and the duality.  Extremely sensitive and easily hurt/
tough as nails.  Ambitious/indifferent.  Athletic/unusually artistic.  Extremely private/open to new friendships with ordinary people. Graceful/awkward.
Sure of himself/not sure of who he was.  Kind and generous and good/completely unable to reject obviously bad people.  On and on.
This man is surely a challenge to any biographer.  But I still like the note some moron left outside the bldg., where he died: tried to find something
bad about you--never could.  Whatever they come up with, they will find faults as we are all human.  But they will never find anything that rises
to the level of serious wrongfulness, deliberately done.  This man did not have and never understood---malice.  On that, alone, he was worthy
of love.

[babytammy7]

I wrote a while back, that I relate to Ennis more than I do Heath, because to me Ennis is more real in his lonely trailer on the vast Wyoming plain, than Heath in his VIP circle of celebrity friends.

This last couple weeks changed that.

Now I relate to Heath as another human being, an ordinary human being who achieved an extraordinary life.

Heath had the same problems we all had, faced the similar demons, and had to overcome similar trials and tribulations. What made him special was the attitudes he carried all his life, to face those problems, and to overcome those difficulties.

As someone once told me, we are not defined by what happened to us. We are defined by how we react to what happened to us.

Heath always chose to react with sincerity, honesty, generosity, love and understanding. With a heart so pure, he must suffer so much in a world so cruel and devious. It must be a puzzle for him, how some people, like Guy Finlay, could be so vindictive and mean. I would not be surprised that Heath suffered in silence. It would be like him, to stand what cannot be fixed.

And now, with all the outpouring of love, I am hopeful that he is looking down from heaven, with the same smile that Ennis had, sending up to heaven a prayer of thanks.

Thank you so much Andrew. Let me tell you this is a very sweet post.  So now I'm in tears, 'cause I have to hear everyday a lot of shit about Heath, and every simple time I read some words beautiful about him my heart just melts, and then I know what my soul already knew, that Heath was an amazing touching tender human being.

I have the crazy feeling that Heath can see us, can hear us, and I want him to hear nice things about him and not that f**ing crap that some people are telling. I need him to know that he was, he is loved. I think that ‘cause of that I think about Daniel Day-Lewis almost one hundred times a day. I can not stop feeling all warm and at the same time all shattered inside every time I think about him. Since I saw him crying, so touched at Ophra’s show, not a day passes by without me wanting so bad to see him and to hear him again and again. In his gestures, his humility, his amazing way of express his feelings, his humanity, he reminds me of our Heath so much; and maybe this, to watch him, makes me believe that Heath is still alive, or at least, alive in some hearts. As I said I need loving words about Heath to keep going on, to keep living in the middle of this deep wide sea of sorrow, and to see a fine man who didn’t met Heath, crying for him, gives me enough strength to wake up and go to work.
So I've spent the last days in a weird routine. I work like an zombie, almost aware of what I’m doing, thinking so much about Heath, then about my brokie baby, then about DDL, then coughing hard (I’m sick these days), and then think again about Heath, then my baby, then Daniel, then some horrible thing about those people saying bad shit, then coughing, then about the factures I have to process, then above all Heath, then baby, then Daniel, Daniel, Heath, Daniel, then one little puppy beaten to death (oh my…  :\'( ), then my baby, then Heath, then…..tears, tears, tears…..  :\'(  :\'(  :\'(

Don’t tell me, I know already. I’m crazy, huh? But I’m the kind of girl who drowns herself in a glass of water, who cries for animals dying, for old people being abandoned, for lost friends…..I’m just so emotional and now, right now, I need marvellous words about Heath from all of you. So I’ll never be able to say how grateful I am every time I come here and I read all those beautiful posts of yours. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LOVING HEATH.

[babytammy7]

    Thanks, NoReins, and Flowerchild.  Many thanks.  But was kind of referring to all of us from the discussion threads----we all post a lot and
was thinking the Brokies who never go there were wondering who we were and so explained, on those threads frequent posting is the norm.
   Well, back to what I've called the unending torrent of new information about Heath.  Found an interview with his father from another forum
with reference to the water pistol incident in Sydney.  Heath broke down and wept all night, called his Dad in the morning, and said: sell the house.
He just couldn't stand the petty hostility.
  Most of what I have read is staggering, particularly about the contradictions in his nature and the duality.  Extremely sensitive and easily hurt/
tough as nails.  Ambitious/indifferent.  Athletic/unusually artistic.  Extremely private/open to new friendships with ordinary people. Graceful/awkward.
Sure of himself/not sure of who he was.  Kind and generous and good/completely unable to reject obviously bad people.  On and on.
This man is surely a challenge to any biographer.  But I still like the note some moron left outside the bldg., where he died: tried to find something
bad about you--never could.  Whatever they come up with, they will find faults as we are all human.  But they will never find anything that rises
to the level of serious wrongfulness, deliberately done.  This man did not have and never understood---malice.  On that, alone, he was worthy
of love.

Oh Tony, I've just read your post.....More tears... :\'(  :\'( I hate that pap!!! How people can be so cruel? I'll never understand that, swear to God. So one more time, thank you for your wonderful thoughts about Heath. I just need it, and I have to say that I love the way that every brokie is finding out little treasures that were hidden in the huge heart of Heath.

[trekfan]

It's sad to say, but I've hardly talked to any of my RL friends since Heath died. I know they can't really understand and I don't think I can bare criticism now. On the other hand I can't pretend that everything is fine with me either, so for now I just don't talk.

I know what you mean Keren.   Last Friday I was feeling sad and it must have been written on my face. My friend's husband asked me 'What happened did someone die.' I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that I am still suffering over Heath's death.    I didn't need any criticism

hugs to you
Linda

[hpv]

It's sad to say, but I've hardly talked to any of my RL friends since Heath died. I know they can't really understand and I don't think I can bare criticism now. On the other hand I can't pretend that everything is fine with me either, so for now I just don't talk.

I know what you mean Keren.   Last Friday I was feeling sad and it must have been written on my face. My friend's husband asked me 'What happened did someone die.' I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that I am still suffering over Heath's death. I didn't need any criticism, hugs to you
Linda

Keren and Linda I can echo your posts!!   

   to everyone here for their wonderful posts as well.

I still find it impossible to talk about it in RL ,but even here I find it unbearable to gather my feelings to write a coaherent post!
One thing thou, yesterday my good friend that somehow remembered my feelings about BBM,(I only mentioned it to her once), called me and said that she heard something about "this actor  from my MY movie,passing"  and immediately thought of me...I was so touched and surprised that I burst in tears after hanging up! :\'(

Well just something I wanted to share with my second family.

[LuvJackNasty]

Tony-I agree with No Reins and FC. I'm glad for everyone here that is able to not only articulate their thoughts but to share them with the rest of us. I've been reading but can't get mine together. When I do they will probably be long monster posts. I feel crappy at times because I haven't said all that much here. But there is no limit on posts or words and every post by everyone is appreciated.

  To all dealing with RL people. I have my two RL friends that I can share with but other than that no one really knows that I am still in a bad place with all of this except for people here. They wouldn't understand and to hear bad things such as them placing judgement on why I feel the way I do is something I don't want or need. But no one on the "outside" ever really understood the BBM thing so I don't expect them to understand this. We've been there all along for each other and it's comfortable here. We know we're safe here.

[ethan]

No, I didn't know Heath, but I think I fell in love with him nonetheless. I've never heard of him before I saw BBM, but from the moment I saw him he stole my heart. How can I explain to people what it's like when my heart goes out to a fictional character, when I can't get him out of my thoughts, when his tears at that last scene make my heart ache so badly and cause me to cry too? Heath did all that for me, he made me identify with Ennis completely and cry for his tragedy. He touched my heart so deeply that I felt like Ennis had become a part of me. And at first, Heath was Ennis to me - I didn't even want to see him in other movies because I couldn't see him as anyone else but Ennis. He owned my heart as Ennis, not as Heath.

Heath was so much more than "a movie star" to me. He wasn't a star, there was nothing starry about him. Through watching his films and reading interviews with him I discovered a beautiful man with a vulnerable soul, a man who talked openly and honestly about his fears, his weaknesses, his desires, a man who, in his "real life" off the set, couldn't be nothing but himself. There was so much depth in him, I could feel it, I could hear it in his words, in the thoughts that he shared. I can only imagine how overwhelmed I'd be if I'd known him in person. There are not many people who make you think "I don't know him but I have the strong impression that I'd like him a lot as a person if I did know him" (yes, thank you Daniel Day Lewis!!!) And Heath was one of these people. There was something so special about him that even people who didn't know him could feel.

Heath brought Ennis to life. He touched my soul and moved me in ways that I can't describe. Heath brought me here, to my new home and family. He took me up the mountain two years ago and I never went down. He had a very special place in my heart because of that. I thought about him as "my baby", I wanted to see him happy, growing and developing and making the most of his talent and I knew he would reach greatness. If I had a chance to give him back even a little of what he'd given me, I would've done anything.

Keren, you just describe my feelings. He moved to seek out others and start this place and it is a gift which I am forever grateful. Thank you so much for helping me understand. 

    it occurred to me, that some others might take offense at
those of us who frequently post, as if we're saying our grief and shock is greater.
It was just a thought, that some Brokies from other forum areas might have wondered why we post often. 
That's the reason.  Myself, I have been greatly comforted by reading posts from those I never knew of & hope they keep at it.

Dear Tony, let me echo others. I can't thank you enough for sharing your thoughts. As you are comforted by reading others, I am too comforted by reading yours. It is part of sharing and supporting each other. Thank you. 

I can't find words to express my grief but am with you with my soul. I read everyone's post and each one of you comforts me. Thank you and to everyone.

[HLJG]

    Hello everybody.  Yesterday BBBOY thanked me and Lance for posting a lot, but it occurred to me, that some others might take offense at
those of us who frequently post, as if we're saying our grief and shock is greater.  It's the nature of cyberspace that it can be
so easy to get something wrong, and though it's a small matter-would like to explain.
   

I, for one, am very grateful to read your posts, and everyone else's too.
It is very heartwarming to be able to join in thanks and sorrow/anger/sadness over the recent passing of our friend.
I still wake, and for a moment I forget--and then it hits me again. Amazing how the mind works.
I am glad to be able to come here and connect with others . it is very cleansing and healing for me.
I have only been a member for over a year, and have not posted much. But i read the many threads and am happy to be a part of the group.

[HLJG]

hello, from Spain:
first at all, I must apologize, for I haven' got a good English,, but I hope you understand me....
Since Heath's death,, I've watched several times BBM,,, and every time,, I find a new reason about this film big reasons to watch at....
Thank, Ang Lee , for that marvellous film; deep inside of me and some friends is the same feeling,,,A master piece about love and this cinic society,,
the character of Ennis del Mar is helping a lot of people,,,
Wherever you are, Heath,, rest in peace... But I'm sure you're in God's hands....
Santiago, ,, from Spain

You explained what is in your heart very well.
Bienvenidos al grupo. Yo había en España solamente una vez.

[lancecowboy]

Very nicely put LC. I think you’re absolutely right, the past few weeks have required us all to see many things in a new light.

For a long time I’ve had a secret feeling that Heath felt and understood much more about Ennis (and his demons) that he ever let on, or maybe than he really recognized himself. How else can one explain his simply magical transformation into Ennis? This wasn’t acting, this is something more than acting, something transcendental. Even Annie recognized this complete and utter transformation, it was like a trance. Heath entirely disappears, as if he was “channeling” Ennis to help us all see and feel this silent suffering.

Jackster, this is beautiful. Not only does this explain Heath's amazing performance, but also relate to Annie Proulx recollection that when she was writing the short story, there were times when she felt a hand from heaven guiding her writing. This is transcendental. This is destiny. Heath is a legend because he performed what he was destined to perform, above and beyond anything anyone can ask of him. He was quoted to say that when he was offered the role, he felt that he was obligated to do right by the millions of people who might be affected by it.  :\'( It is moments like this, that I really really miss him.  :\'(

[lancecowboy]

Hmm...it didn't occur to me that my posts deserve thanks, nor that they might offend anyone.

If I inadvertently hogged the screen (I think that was the term from FlwrChild way back when in another discussion thread), I sincerely apologize.

I agree with Tony that everyone's grief is equal, and everyone express it differently. Some with pictures, others with news links, and I happen to be a talkative person who finds writing to be therapeutic. I apologize that I imposed my own therapy on others. Then again, as Tony said, in cyberspace, people can make their own choices, without any rules or limitations. I never feel that anyone needs to read what I write. In fact, I am always grateful when anyone respond to my posts. I consider it a privilege, a gift, not a right.

And I agree with your last sentence, which I bolded and colored red. I cannot imagine NOT having read so many touching posts from others, old friends and new alike. Grief when shared with friends, is reduced, just as joy when shared, is multiplied. My immense grief for Heath has been reduced immeasurably because of all of you. Thank you.

    Hello everybody.  Yesterday BBBOY thanked me and Lance for posting a lot, but it occurred to me, that some others might take offense at
those of us who frequently post, as if we're saying our grief and shock is greater.  It's the nature of cyberspace that it can be
so easy to get something wrong, and though it's a small matter-would like to explain.
   It's a big forum we have here, with many cubbyholes, and many of us never run into each other outside those areas.  But there are a number
of us from the discussion threads, and there, frequent posting is not only normal, but necessary, and even encouraged.  So we're showing up
here, carrying with us those habits, and with no intent other than to keep everybody together.
   No big deal, but if you are not familiar with us because you aren't ever in the discussion threads, please understand---nobody is saying we
know more, or feel more than you do.  There's about 10 of us, and that's the explanation.  We're trying to use our habits there, to help keep
everybody together here.  It was just a thought, that some Brokies from other forum areas might have wondered why we post often.  No biggie.
That's the reason. Myself, I have been greatly comforted by reading posts from those I never knew of & hope they keep at it.

[lancecowboy]

Tony, I'd be obliged if you would post the interview in the news topic, or send me a link. Reading your sentence broke me down in tears, and I think I won't be right again until I read the whole interview in its entirety. Thank you for all your information, and perceptive observation.

    Thanks, NoReins, and Flowerchild.  Many thanks.  But was kind of referring to all of us from the discussion threads----we all post a lot and
was thinking the Brokies who never go there were wondering who we were and so explained, on those threads frequent posting is the norm.
   Well, back to what I've called the unending torrent of new information about Heath.  Found an interview with his father from another forum
with reference to the water pistol incident in Sydney.  Heath broke down and wept all night, called his Dad in the morning, and said: sell the house.
He just couldn't stand the petty hostility.
  Most of what I have read is staggering, particularly about the contradictions in his nature and the duality.  Extremely sensitive and easily hurt/
tough as nails.  Ambitious/indifferent.  Athletic/unusually artistic.  Extremely private/open to new friendships with ordinary people. Graceful/awkward.
Sure of himself/not sure of who he was.  Kind and generous and good/completely unable to reject obviously bad people.  On and on.
This man is surely a challenge to any biographer.  But I still like the note some moron left outside the bldg., where he died: tried to find something
bad about you--never could.  Whatever they come up with, they will find faults as we are all human.  But they will never find anything that rises
to the level of serious wrongfulness, deliberately done.  This man did not have and never understood---malice.  On that, alone, he was worthy
of love.

[FlwrChild]

I, for one, am very grateful to read your posts, and everyone else's too.
It is very heartwarming to be able to join in thanks and sorrow/anger/sadness over the recent passing of our friend.
I still wake, and for a moment I forget--and then it hits me again. Amazing how the mind works.
I am glad to be able to come here and connect with others . it is very cleansing and healing for me.
I have only been a member for over a year, and have not posted much. But i read the many threads and am happy to be a part of the group.

This is exactly the way I feel. Thank you for saying it so well.


And lc, don't you dare apologize for hogging the screen. As we've already established, this free exchange of expression of our feelings and support for each other seems to have been beneficial to us all. No sense in messing with a good thing, eh?


And since my sanity may be tenuous at best most days , it might not be saying much, but being here with all of you has definitely kept me as sane as I am capable of being, and I sure do appreciate that at a time like this.