Topic: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory

[babytammy7]

I keep having this thought, and it won't let go.

After I've seen Brokeback, a part of why I was so devastated was because I identified so much with Ennis and I felt this fear, to end up my life like him. I have a lot of things I regret in my life. I feel like I've missed out on a lot, and it was like Ennis was sending me a message, "don't live your life like this", only I was still too scared to do something about it. Maybe I just don't know how to change things, and I feel chained to the life I have.

And now, when I think of Heath... especially since I've read Barb's post, about how Heath has lived his life, and realised that he taught me the same lesson Ennis did, only from the opposite direction: This is how you should live your life. You have to enjoy it, otherwise there's no point. You have to love, passionately, and you have to do the things that make you happy - don't compromise, even if it involves hard choices. I feel like he's forcing me to take a look at my life - again - and I think, "you idiot, he's trying to make you see something. He's trying to deliver you this message in every way possible and you're just too coward to do anything about it".

Oh Keren, you just broke my heart with this post.  :\'(  :\'( You're not idiot or coward!! YOU'RE AN AMAZING AND SWEET BROKIE WITH A HUGE SO GENEROUS HEART. And I know well that you have changed to good these two years, and I know that you're doing something real beautiful with your life: You're sharing love, you're loving and that is the most precious treasure that a human being can have. If you love, what else can you learn about life? Love is the root of all wisdom and happiness. And you have plenty of that. So I think you got right Ennis and Heath message. 

[babytammy7]

keren-b

I don't know who, or where, you are.  What you've posted recently struck a chord (no musical pun intended) in me ... and I am compelled to respond.

Regret.  Gosh, I feel like my life is defined by it.  Choices I should have made but didn't; Choices I never made but wish I had. 

You'll notice that my "tag" is Ennis del Mar is my hero.  Ennis, as written by A. Proulx, and as breathed by H. Ledger, is a simple man.  There's been a lot of posting here regarding how complicated he is.  Yes, in some ways ... but aren't we all complicated to some degree?

I am complicated.

Ennis was simple.  He saw things in black and white.  He had high moral values.  He was a guardian to his own needs and desires.  He is my hero simply because he survived.  One of the most powerful scenes in the movie, for me at least, is Ennis del Mar standing at the fairgrounds with fireworks going off over his shoulder.  Wow!  Well, don't I fall in love with him every time I see THAT?!  Who wouldn't??

My great sadness is that he never actually got what he deserved.  Happiness.  He loved Jack, no doubt.  But he couldn't bring himself to say it.  Regret.  Ennis knew what love was.  Watch how he asks Alma, junior, if Curt loves her?  He ain't foolin'.

As Ang Lee told us the story of Ennis and Jack, we never know if Jack's death was caused by what that awful Lureen said, or if it was, in fact, murder.  I don't know myself.  It's as if Ennis felt Jack would always be alive - because Jack represented that hidden part of Ennis that would always be there.  It never occurs to Ennis that his sexuality might be something he either has to come to terms with or deny for ever.  Neither option seems available to him.  This is his regret.

Someday I'll have the courage to post my sequel short story here.  It starts with Ennis folding Alma's sweater and puting it in the closet with the shirts.  In many ways it's my story.  And, in my heart, it's Ennis' story too.  I want Ennis to have happiness, find true love, feel safe, have his life validated (it wasn't by Alma and that really hurt him - remember the Thanksgiving scene). 

I was in Wyoming last February.  I looked everywhere for Ennis ... well, not everywhere - I was only in Laramie, but still... I tried to look at every face.  Are you Ennis del Mar?

I'm rambling.  Sorry. 

In the end, I think regret is a sensitive, thoughtful, loving teacher.  He helps us remember things with a gentle nudge, a distant pain.  To deny regret in one's life is to give in to the notion that life happens twenty four hours at a time.  It doesn't.  Regret is my constant companion, my guide.

Ennis del Mar found a way to live through it and with it.  Because of him, so will I.  Ennis del Mar is my hero.

Never forget.

Amazing post. I'm stunned here. Regret is also my guide. So hard most of the times, but so necessary.

Ennis del Mar is my hero, and also Jack Twist is. Yeah, I never forget.

[babytammy7]

Well, actually... yes, he did.

Funny how I never thought about it until now, but Heath sent a message to all of us.

After the movie Candy was released, Heath's friend Theresa (who ran Heath Ledger Central and was also a member here) opened a website called "addicted to the movie Candy", and did a lot to promote the movie and it's distribution because it was a low-budget movie with limited release. Anyway, some members here were active on her site, and apparently, one day when Heath was visiting Theresa, she told him about people's involvement and he took the time to write personal thanks to some of the people here. Theresa had also introduced him to ennisjack.

I saw the post that he sent to one of my friends. I can't share his full message here since it wasn't sent to me personally, it's up to the members whom he addressed if they wanna share it. But this part, I believe, is for all of us:

I also wanted to tell you how nice it is to see a Brokeback Mountain site like ennisjack. T took me there earlier today and I was really pleasantly surprised to see something so different from the rest. It's a very cool place and you should be very proud of it.

He signed his message with -

Be well and happy

Peace
Heath

Sweetie, I just read something about it once long time ago when you or Christie (I don't remember well) said something about it. But to read his exact words....Oh my, that's the sweetest balm for my broken spirit. His words just melt my heart and make me feel warm inside. I'm so touched right now. Thank you so much for this. 

[babytammy7]

     Keren's post, about personal messages from Heath, made me as happy as the others but also a little sad.  A week ago, I felt more than
a little threatened by my own continuing instability over this tragedy, so I felt it was OK to hit back with whatever it took to get back to normal
(whatever that is).  So, I made up a list of 10 things I didn't like about Heath Ledger.  Please don't criticize me for this---I had always seen
him as a human being who would also have faults.  But I needed to balance off the grief, and so, that was what I did.  On the list was---didn't
appreciate his fans.  Too aloof.  I knew it wasn't true, but I just wanted more solid ground, with everything seeming to turn to quicksand.
Keren's post was a joy, but, cross off one on the list.  Can't use that crutch.
  Have pretty much gotten past the worst of the sadness, but there still remains a certain unreality to everything since 1/22.  Couldn't have
happened. Not possible.  And then sometimes,  I just shake my head, and go: "Heath."

My dearest friend, you've made me cry with this post. Can't use that crutch. **sigh** I don't have any crutch at all.

And let me tell you that for me Heath was a real Brokie, maybe even more Brokie than me. You got that so right.

[jessi]

In Case
 
In case I forget to cry,
believe myself moved on
or an hour pass me by
without his smile,
voice,
sweet song,
music,
such joy of belonging in a world,
full of him,
remind me,
gentle, sweetly,
how it hurts to remember
so far less
than to forget.

jessi

[babytammy7]

It never ceases to amaze me when I read all the posts here, the amount of creative, sensitive, perceptive talent in this forum.

Tony, you ask the most interesting of questions: would Heath have been a brokie if he didn't portrayed the role of Ennis.

Keren_b, your view of Heath and Ennis as two sides of the same coin, how to and how not to live life without regrets.

GuyinJax, your statements, that "regret is a sensitive, thoughtful, loving teacher.  He helps us remember things with a gentle nudge, a distant pain.  To deny regret in one's life is to give in to the notion that life happens twenty four hours at a time.  It doesn't.  Regret is my constant companion, my guide." is wisdom distilled from experience.

To answer Tony's question, I dare speculate that Heath would be definitely a brokie because he would connect with the story, just as he connected with Adam Sutton, and Ennis Del Mar. He would understand the pain of regret, the pain of love unexpressed. And I disagree, Tony, that Heath would not be obsessed with Brokeback Mountain, like us. He has that passion about him, like his passion for Drake's music. When you are this connected, there is no arguing. Heath would love the movie as much as we do. All his movies has the theme of the individual struggling against all odds, society, circumstance, himself, to express love. Brokeback Mountain was Heath's destiny, and if he didn't take part in it, he would be forever a part of us. Born of their love, Bound by ours, including Heath's.

For Keren_b, I have only this to say: fast or slow, Jake would love the direction you are going. Do not worry how fast you can change your old habits. The fact is, you have decided to change, that is the first step. Once you pick up speed, and momentum, nothing can stop you. I have faith in you. 

Guyinjax, I understand what you feel, and I have also watched Brokeback Mountain again, feeling the same pain in the last few scenes. The pain was not just for Ennis, and myself, but now, also for Heath. For I see not only Ennis on the screeen, as I used to do before that tragic day. I now see also Heath on the screen with Ennis, and the tears are for him, too...for his not being around to play another role, to show his skills as director, to sing another lullaby to Matilda, to ...  :\'( BUT I also feel the same peace, when Heath/Ennis touch the two shirts, and brush his thumb along the postcard of Brokeback Mountain, and say to Jack, I swear. Because, now it is not only Ennis saying it to Jack, but also I, saying it to Heath. The road may be long and lonely ahead, but there is bittersweet remembrance, and hope for the future, and MOST OF ALL, there is friendship, and family, not only in this forum, but also in real life.  Each and every regret is a gentle nudge, a distant pain, that reminds me to seize the day, and not let another opportunity goes to waste, to say and express how I feel, to not be afraid.

I never cared much for formality, so the Academy Awards were interesting to watch, but not that life-shatteringly important. The fact that they did not give Heath the Best Actor Award that year, said more about them, than him. His work speaks for itself. Their action will always be questioned by future generations. How they attempt to correct this, will be interesting to watch as well. For me, it is but a minor footnote in Heath's life. His awards are more than just the tangible ones.

To everyone who contributed to this amazing thread...In Loving Memory, you are ALL amazing.

 

And most of all,

       

Andrew, one more time, you amazes me. So touching and beautiful words. I'm speechless.

[Hanna]

Well, actually... yes, he did.

Funny how I never thought about it until now, but Heath sent a message to all of us.

I also wanted to tell you how nice it is to see a Brokeback Mountain site like ennisjack. T took me there earlier today and I was really pleasantly surprised to see something so different from the rest. It's a very cool place and you should be very proud of it.

He signed his message with -

Be well and happy

Peace
Heath

   :\'( Thank you so much, keren! 


I had a bad day, feel like crying all the time, and still do it when I see a pic of Heath that's very special to me or hear a song or without 'special' reason. Sometimes I'm sitting in the bus, thinking of nothing and the tears beginn to flow..
I woke up today and realized I dreamt of Heath, I do that quite often (it's always when I am totally thinking of just one thing for a while that I dream of it), but it wasn't a good dream. I knew what it was about when I really woke up, but now I don't really remember; but still have a very bad feeling in my somach area 
For sure it'll not be better tomorrow, I have quite a horror that this day will start; God, 4 weeks!

Thank you all for being here and sharing your thoughts! It's good to know one isn't alone!

[LuvJackNasty]

In Case
 
In case I forget to cry,
believe myself moved on
or an hour pass me by
without his smile,
voice,
sweet song,
music,
such joy of belonging in a world,
full of him,
remind me,
gentle, sweetly,
how it hurts to remember
so far less
than to forget.
jessi

That's beautiful, Jessi. Thank you  :\'(

[Lis]

I found this on youtube and it's one of the best tributes to our beloved Heath. The song says nothing but truth. Break out the tissues everybody!!  :\'(

[LuvJackNasty]

OMG That one really got me good.  :\'( :\'( Thanks LD

[ksxks]

I made a tribute video for Heath

Thank you so much, emzan...  Lovely, sad, beautiful; and I love where you ended it.

This so-sad song reminded me of Elton John's "Sad Songs Say So Much."  It's true, isn't it, that there is comfort in sad songs...especially when shared.

kathy

[ksxks]

I found this on youtube and it's one of the best tributes to our beloved Heath. The song says nothing but truth. Break out the tissues everybody!!  :\'(

Thank you for sharing this, LD, and for warning us that tissues are needed.

It's a beautiful song, a beautiful tribute.  It would be nice to truly believe in "heaven," and it's a perfect thought:  as much as I might need you, heaven needed you more.  Heaven must have needed a hero, someone exactly like you.  Beautiful.

kathy

[babytammy7]

Four weeks. Damn.  :\'(  :\'(  :\'(

For me four weeks will be tomorrow....23th January 2008. I was at work. 9:25 AM. Message from my brokie friend Ali. Baby, I'm so sorry to be the one who is telling you the so bad new: Heath has died.

Since then, I've not had not even a little moment of joy. In my heart Heath was made of dreams and love. It was so hard to find out that he was made of skin and bones, and those could be ashes one day.

When I went out of that theater that 20th January 2006 I thought that my world has been shattered in one million pieces and my life will never be the same again, 'cause it was impossible to feel again such a sorrow. One more time I was wrong.

[Emzan]

Four weeks. Damn.  :\'(  :\'(  :\'(

For me four weeks will be tomorrow....23th January 2008. I was at work. 9:25 AM. Message from my brokie friend Ali. Baby, I'm so sorry to be the one who is telling you the so bad new: Heath has died.

Since then, I've not had not even a little moment of joy. In my heart Heath was made of dreams and love. It was so hard to find out that he was made of skin and bones, and those could be ashes one day.

When I went out of that theater that 20th January 2006 I thought that my world has been shattered in one million pieces and my life will never be the same again, 'cause it was impossible to feel again such a sorrow. One more time I was wrong.

I hope you feel better soon . Tomorrow will be 4 weeks for me too. My dad drove me to work and I heard It on the radio, I was in shook I didn't know what to do and I started to cry and then I called a friend. I tried to work but It was hard and I broke down a lot of times that day :\'(

[keren_b]

"Take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds
And that's what I've got to face."



Phil Colins

[Emzan]

"Take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds
And that's what I've got to face."



Phil Colins

omg this is so scary, I was listening to that song 5 minutes ago. I love it, so beautiful

[Tony]

      These 4 weeks have gone by so very fast and yet so very slow.  It's been, mostly, a strange blur, of images that couldn't be real.
But the blur is fading, the focus is painfully sharp and clear.  We are near to acceptance, but that starts off a whole new sense of....wrongness.
     Even so, the rest of the world has moved on, but we know....it's 1 month, and we remember.  I think it's true--Heath is not going to be
forgotten by us;  we take him with us all the way through, each, our journey through life.  Am glad for that.  We keep him with us all the way.

[LuvJackNasty]

Four weeks. Damn.  :\'(  :\'(  :\'(

For me four weeks will be tomorrow....23th January 2008. I was at work. 9:25 AM. Message from my brokie friend Ali. Baby, I'm so sorry to be the one who is telling you the so bad new: Heath has died.

Since then, I've not had not even a little moment of joy. In my heart Heath was made of dreams and love. It was so hard to find out that he was made of skin and bones, and those could be ashes one day.

When I went out of that theater that 20th January 2006 I thought that my world has been shattered in one million pieces and my life will never be the same again, 'cause it was impossible to feel again such a sorrow. One more time I was wrong.

  Sweetie. I ditto 100% the part I bolded. And you know we share the same BBM date. 4:43 pm today marked 4 weeks to the minute I heard those horrible words. I marked the time at 3:36 pm today at my desk at work as well. I wish I had some words for you to make it betterbut all I have is hugs 

[LuvJackNasty]

"Take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds
And that's what I've got to face."



Phil Colins

  Keren

[jessi]

And mountain moans with new morning.
Sun rises, for it must,
cold light through sky of crystal tears,
rainbow,
a bridge, here and there,
here and forever.

jessi

[lancecowboy]

I thought I was over the sadness, the mourning,
   then I read the New York Magazine article.

It is the kind of honest raw to the bone writing
   that made Annie Proulx's short story stand out.

It is the kind of lyrical masterpiece to detail
   that made Ang Lee's movie so memorable.

It is the kind of in-your-face, nothing too sacred search for the truth that was Heath.

What can I say?
   Except tears and pain of loss,
              tears and regrets for words unsaid,
              tears and emptiness from the hole of missing Heath.

We put you on a pedestal too high,
   even for you who had wings to touch the sky.

We put you in a league all your own,
   and forgot how lonely that can be.

We trusted you to tell us what you want,
   and never realized we didn't listen,
   didn't want to hear the truth.

Finding the truth is not so easy.
Accepting the truth is harder still.
You wanted a normal life.
You wanted to be accepted for who you are,
   not for the image, the icon, the idol
   that we built you up to be.

Heath Andrew Ledger
You are truly a prince among men
And you are now free to roam the sky
free to follow the wind and waves
free to be, just you
And when you feel lonely
And when you want company
You know where to find love
You know where you will be
Accepted, just as you are
Right here. Just like this. Always.

[LuvJackNasty]

Heath Andrew Ledger
You are truly a prince among men
And you are now free to roam the sky
free to follow the wind and waves
free to be, just you
And when you feel lonely
And when you want company
You know where to find love
You know where you will be
Accepted, just as you are
Right here. Just like this. Always.

Oh god  :\'( That whole post was beautiful but most especially this last part. I lost track of what round of tears this is today  :\'(

[hpv]

I thought I was over the sadness, the mourning,    then I read the New York Magazine article.
.. Except tears and pain of loss, tears and regrets for words unsaid, tears and emptiness from the hole of missing Heath.
We put you on a pedestal too high, even for you who had wings to touch the sky.
We put you in a league all your own,  and forgot how lonely that can be.
We trusted you to tell us what you want, and never realized we didn't listen, didn't want to hear the truth
Finding the truth is not so easy.
Accepting the truth is harder still.
You wanted a normal life.
You wanted to be accepted for who you are, not for the image, the icon, the idol that we built you up to be.

Heath Andrew Ledger
You are truly a prince among men
And you are now free to roam the sky
free to follow the wind and waves
free to be, just you
And when you feel lonely
And when you want company
You know where to find love
You know where you will be
Accepted, just as you are
Right here. Just like this. Always.

Oh god  :\'( That whole post was beautiful but most especially this last part. I lost track of what round of tears this is today  :\'(

Oh, yeah, what she said....crying...
Thank so much lance   

[hpv]

It's been 4 WEEKS already!!!
Still I can't get over the feeling  of emptiness and the thought that we never gone see his sweet face aging and maturing to a special man he was  destined to be!!!!
All we had left is to see his pictures at 28 years old..

FOUR WEEKS!!!!

Damn the bitter reality of it.... How can it be true ?!!?    :\'(
For you my love...

[white_angel]

It's been 4 WEEKS already!!!
Still I can't get over the feeling  of emptiness and the thought that we never gone see his sweet face aging and maturing to a special man he was  destined to be!!!!
All we had left is to see his pictures at 28 years old..

FOUR WEEKS!!!!

Damn the bitter reality of it.... How can it be true ?!!?    :\'(
For you my love...

It's tearing me apart!
I just can't let him go!

[white_angel]

Another heart  breaking tribute for " OUR BELOVED HEATH LEDGER"

http://www.fanpop.com/spots/heath-ledger/videos/726872

[white_angel]

This is one of the beautiful rendition of Heath in one of his movies.
Its is always heard in many locations and occasions here in the Philippines.

When I hear the song.. that reminds me of our beautiful Heath...

The lyrics are so meaningful to me now he is up there,,,,,

( Chorus 1 )
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off of you.
You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna
hold you so much. At long last love has
arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're
just too good to be true. Can't take my
eyes off of you.
Pardon the way that I stare. There's nothing
else to compare. The sight of you leaves me
weak. There are no words left to speak.
But if you feel like I feel. Please let me know
that it's real. You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off of you.

( Chorus 2)

I need you baby, if it's quite all right,
I love you baby, you warm a lonely night. I love
you baby. Trust in me when I say It's OK: Oh pretty
baby, don't let me down I pray. Oh pretty
baby, now that I found you, stay. And let me
love you, oh baby let me love you, oh baby....
Repeat Chorus 1
[To fade]
I need you baby, and if it's quite all right,
I love you baby, you warm a lonely night. I love
you baby. Trust in me when I say: It's OK Oh pretty
baby, don't let me down I pray. Oh pretty
baby, now that I found you, stay. And let me
love you, oh baby let me love you, oh baby....
I need you baby, and if it's quite all right,
I love you baby, you warm a lonely night. I love
you baby. Trust in me when I say: It's OK Oh pretty
baby, don't let me down I pray. Oh pretty
baby, now that I found you, stay. And let me
love you, oh baby let me love you, oh baby....

[Tony]

    Lance---that poem, free style, was the best you have ever done, and I saw in it your understanding of what troubled him and also what
has gone on to trouble us.  I really think you got it right.  Bravo!

[cowgirlKt!]

I thought I was over the sadness, the mourning,
   then I read the New York Magazine article.

It is the kind of honest raw to the bone writing
   that made Annie Proulx's short story stand out.

It is the kind of lyrical masterpiece to detail
   that made Ang Lee's movie so memorable.

It is the kind of in-your-face, nothing too sacred search for the truth that was Heath.

What can I say?
   Except tears and pain of loss,
              tears and regrets for words unsaid,
              tears and emptiness from the hole of missing Heath.

We put you on a pedestal too high,
   even for you who had wings to touch the sky.

We put you in a league all your own,
   and forgot how lonely that can be.

We trusted you to tell us what you want,
   and never realized we didn't listen,
   didn't want to hear the truth.

Finding the truth is not so easy.
Accepting the truth is harder still.
You wanted a normal life.
You wanted to be accepted for who you are,
   not for the image, the icon, the idol
   that we built you up to be.

Heath Andrew Ledger
You are truly a prince among men
And you are now free to roam the sky
free to follow the wind and waves
free to be, just you
And when you feel lonely
And when you want company
You know where to find love
You know where you will be
Accepted, just as you are
Right here. Just like this. Always.

OMG this is an amazing piece of writing....beautiful! Sent shivers through me....so sad to true :\'(

[cowgirlKt!]

I made a tribute video for Heath

LOVED this video...best tribute vid so far so beautiful.  v moving. what is the song you have used? thankyou for sharing this with us.

I found this on youtube and it's one of the best tributes to our beloved Heath. The song says nothing but truth. Break out the tissues everybody!!  :\'(

OMG the song!!! :\'( Its so perfect it hurts......lovely vid and lovely song......