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Author Topic: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory  (Read 1729239 times)

Offline lancecowboy

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4980 on: Apr 04, 2010, 09:46 AM »
The pain of Jan 22 doesn't go away with time, just less debilitating after getting used to it, like the background noise.

April 4 will always be a happy day, like Christmas, for the gift of Heath that makes all his movies possible, all the great things that he did possible.

I count myself lucky to have been given those gifts, Brokeback Mountain most of all. As I pointed out before, I believe the movie was only made possible because of a series of convergent events, from Adam Sutton's life to Annie Proulx visiting the Mint Bar in Sheridan, to those two cowboys playing pool in the bar just as Annie was in an observant mood, and the inspiration that drew her to thinking of writing a story, and the hand that seemed to have reached out to help her write it, to the crew and everyone associated with the making of the movie, but most of all, the life of Heath Ledger who was a miracle of a man, wise and loving and perfect for the role of Ennis Del Mar at the perfect time that the story needed telling. April 4 was the beginning of those convergent events.

Life is no less painful just because there is happiness; it is no less happy just because there is pain.

Life is a cloth weaved with threads of pain and happiness. We would be poorer to see only the pain, and ignore the happiness.

Thanks Laura, and I add my hugs to yours.  :ghug: :c) ^f^ }s{
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Offline LauraLovesLedger

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4981 on: Apr 04, 2010, 10:37 AM »
Perfectly said, Andrew.   :ghug: :^^)

You always have the perfect words, bud.  I'm definitely not going to ignore the happiness. 

I wish I could write more; I really feel a need to talk about Heath a bit right now...it's been quite a while.  But I'm in the throes of a major flu and don't have the strength.  :(  Sooo ill, ugh...   >:(

So, I guess it'll have to suffice to just say that, while the pain only gets less debilitating with time, like Andrew said, rather than vanishes, I certainly tried my best yesterday (4/4 is just over in Oz) to be happy on Heath's birthday, just like I tried last year.  He was too special to allow the still-poignant, ever-poignant missing to blot out the gratitude that he was here at all. 
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Offline keren_b

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4982 on: Apr 04, 2010, 12:03 PM »
Quote from: Froggy on Apr 04, 2010, 07:59 AM
Then let's celebrate the day his mother brought him to our lives and every minute he did make our world a better place xx

 :ghug:
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Offline trekfan

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4983 on: Apr 04, 2010, 01:27 PM »
Happy Birthday to Heath and hugs to my fellow Heathens  :ghug:
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Aren't we at the stage these days when it just doesn't ... matter? It's a story of love and it's a story between two people. If people can't get over that and just accept it as a story, then that's their problem. I'm big enough and brave enough to do it. - Heath Ledger on doing BBM

Offline myprivatejack

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4984 on: Apr 04, 2010, 02:01 PM »
Quote from: trekfan on Apr 04, 2010, 01:27 PM
Happy Birthday to Heath and hugs to my fellow Heathens  :ghug:

Same to you... :ghug: Andrew has said it very well,as always: this must be a happy day because it was the one when Heath was born.And I'd add that,if we are sad for not being able to watch another new movie by him in a day like this,we'll lost the immense happiness for having known him and enjoy his talent during these years.It's only a matter of putting in a balance what must have a greater weight for us...
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Ennis’s eyes gone bright with shock, mouth opening then closing again. “Love?” Ennis said finally, voice strangling in his throat.

Jack smiled sad. “Yeah, Ennis. Love.” Leaned forward and kissed Ennis’s temple, whispered, “What’d you think it was, all this time?”
("If I asked")
                         ----------------
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You will be forever in my heart,friends.

Offline rimasworld

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4985 on: Apr 04, 2010, 02:20 PM »
Just watched The Dark Knight on this day of your birth. What a great performance, you are very missed.
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Offline lancecowboy

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4986 on: Apr 04, 2010, 04:56 PM »
Thanks Laura  :^^) Grazias mpj  :^^) Hugs keren, trekfan, rmw, froggy EURman  :ghug:

I can't imagine celebrating Heath's Birthday with anyone else but you.  :ghug: :^^) :c) ^f^
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Offline Ferdinand

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4987 on: Apr 04, 2010, 05:05 PM »
Happy birthday, sweetheart. You will always be with us.
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Offline Tony

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4988 on: Apr 04, 2010, 10:22 PM »
Quote from: rimasworld on Apr 03, 2010, 10:35 PM
Yes Tony, I agree with you. I've lost a lot of people I've loved. My father when I was a young teen, my mother 15 years ago, a sister-in-law and a brother-in-law within the last few years. They also all died tragically. It does make you want to hold on to the ones you have with you and appreciate them all the more.
  Hi, Rimasworld - am very sorry I missed your post, until just now.  You definitely have had a rough time, and maybe that has made you, along with others here, with similar hurts, sensitive to the loss of Heath Ledger, all the more.
  
   Anyway, the posts for this very special day have been heartfelt and heartwarming.
  Happy Birthday, Heath......I know you're around somewhere, and I hope you know, we have not forgotten.
« Last Edit: Apr 05, 2010, 08:14 PM by Tony »
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Offline ksxks

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4989 on: Apr 07, 2010, 11:41 PM »
On Heath's birthday, also Easter -- a re-birth-day to some.  And there was a fairly major earthquake here close to San Diego, and I rather liked that idea -- a quickening, a rock-and-rolling, on Heath's birthday.  4/4 was also my father's birthday.

Loved your words, Lance, as usual...

kathy
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Offline tizi17

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4990 on: Apr 08, 2010, 02:36 AM »
Quote from: Froggy on Apr 04, 2010, 07:59 AM
Then let's celebrate the day his mother brought him to our lives and every minute he did make our world a better place xx

 :ghug:  :ghug:
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Offline hpv

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4991 on: Apr 08, 2010, 06:49 AM »
Quote from: lancecowboy on Apr 04, 2010, 04:56 PM
I can't imagine celebrating Heath's Birthday with anyone else but you.  :ghug: :^^) :c) ^f^
Yeah, exactly right!!!
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Offline Hemarole

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4992 on: Apr 12, 2010, 04:10 PM »
So I'm racking my brain  for a year now with this thought and as here the subject is HEATH ♥ I'd like to share it with you so that I can now what other people who supports him think.
I suppose some of you will think I'm "crazy" and what I think is stupid  :-\\


So here is what my teenage brain makes me think. We all know the quote of Heath saying "I feel good about dying because I feel alive through her" ,we all know he did not commit suicide! and we've seen how much Matilda looks like him and to what extent he would have gone for her.So what I was wondering (take in account that i do believe in the power of the unconscious mind) what if unconsciously Heath didn't woke up because he knew (inside him) that matilda was just like him and he knew he could live through her.I know that just sounds crazy.But I do think that as he knew it he "was able" to pass away ;you know I think (and maybe that 's complete bull****) it is just like mothers who are dying just when their new-born are breathing because they know or feel they'll live through them.

I hope you won't think i'm totally insane :-\\
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Offline lancecowboy

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4993 on: Apr 13, 2010, 04:42 AM »
 :ghug: hemarole Welcome to the forum. I don't think you are "crazy" or anything else. I think you are very perceptive and thoughtful.

I remember the line you quote. I watched the interview on youtube. I think Heath was one of the most conscious and aware person there ever was. He was totally conscious and aware of what he said, because he always tried to live life to the fullness, even as a parent. He was also very thoughtful, an old soul, who saw life from a perspective rare and special. For him to watch his first child growing up, and to witness his influence on her, whispering to trees and hugging animals, he understood the great human condition that every parent goes through watching his or her child, to feel the bond, the love, and he expressed it in his own unique way. Just like everyone else, Heath must have thought about mortality and death, especially after a child was born. I am sure he had life insurance and will drawn up. In fact we know he did. Perhaps the interview was ony a day or two away from the visit to the lawyers' office to draw up his will, or to the agent's office to sign up for life insurance. In any case, he thought about the same questions that every mortal parent thought about, and being honest and frank, he expressed his feelings and thoughts on the subject, without any other agenda, consciously or otherwise.

In fact, with a movie yet to complete, another movie in the works, the restaurant business about to start, and all the plans he had for Matilda, it is unimaginable that there were any subconscious thought of not waking up. I am certain he struggled for breath and tried to get up, as the house keeping heard breathing noises from the room earlier in the morning. It was the overdose of medication which kept him from waking up.

People may say whatever they wish, even saying that it was predestined, that he knew his life would end, whatever. The truth is, we will never know for sure. No answer is more right than any other. Only the answer that makes sense to each of us personally, trying to explain the facts that we know for sure, the best we can.

Is there a special bond between Heath and Matilda? Absolutely. Was that on Heath's mind as he exhaled his last breath, that he was content leaving this earth because he lived on through Matilda? Who knows? Whatever went through his mind, will be revealed when we all meet again in the last days. Meanwhile, I think Heath would want us to devote our energy to living life as he did, making the most of what we have, for the people around us.

 :ghug: :c) ^f^
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Offline rimasworld

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4994 on: Apr 13, 2010, 08:38 PM »
Quote from: Hemarole on Apr 12, 2010, 04:10 PM
So I'm racking my brain  for a year now with this thought and as here the subject is HEATH ♥ I'd like to share it with you so that I can now what other people who supports him think.
I suppose some of you will think I'm "crazy" and what I think is stupid  :-\\


So here is what my teenage brain makes me think. We all know the quote of Heath saying "I feel good about dying because I feel alive through her" ,we all know he did not commit suicide! and we've seen how much Matilda looks like him and to what extent he would have gone for her.So what I was wondering (take in account that i do believe in the power of the unconscious mind) what if unconsciously Heath didn't woke up because he knew (inside him) that matilda was just like him and he knew he could live through her.I know that just sounds crazy.But I do think that as he knew it he "was able" to pass away ;you know I think (and maybe that 's complete bull****) it is just like mothers who are dying just when their new-born are breathing because they know or feel they'll live through them.

I hope you won't think i'm totally insane :-\\
:ghug: Not stupid or insane to have these thoughts my friend. I think about him a lot and he comes to me in dreams, even though I never had the pleasure of knowing him personally. I think many parents feel they will live on in their children, but I also feel Heath felt he had so much more to give his child and all of the people who loved him. He was like so many out there who do not know the dangers of prescription medications and how lethal they can be when combined. I will always believe it was an accident... it is the 3rd cause of death behind heart disease and cancer.
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Offline myprivatejack

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4995 on: Apr 14, 2010, 11:41 AM »
Don't worry,Hemarole;nobody thinks nothing "strange" about you.We only can think that you are a very sensitive person,and that's not bad,and less still in this so materialistic and wild world.Personalising in myself,the other Brokies know that I dreamt about him,he talked me about his last days and that he kissed me in the cheek to tell me goodbye.As you see,I don't know who is crazier... :i 
As regards to your opinion,my fellows have answered it so well that I'm afraid I can't but quote each one of their words.Only add that Heath loved life very much and much more still he loved Matilda;too much as to not figthing for his life until the very last minute...As RW has said,it was only an stupid accident due to an excessive faith in medications :_(  ; but it's sure that when he realised that he was going to travel very far from his little daughter,he quite fighting happy to think that he kept on living through her.I'm not a mother,but I'm sure this is something that parents believe deeply inside;the same than an artist lives in his/her work,what best work that having created another human being to survive you?...
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Ennis’s eyes gone bright with shock, mouth opening then closing again. “Love?” Ennis said finally, voice strangling in his throat.

Jack smiled sad. “Yeah, Ennis. Love.” Leaned forward and kissed Ennis’s temple, whispered, “What’d you think it was, all this time?”
("If I asked")
                         ----------------
Heathcliff Andrew Ledger (1979-2008)/Rajel Karen Ashkenazi (1986-2008)
You will be forever in my heart,friends.

Offline Hemarole

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4996 on: Apr 16, 2010, 03:47 PM »
Hey guys  thanks so much for your answers - They help a lot and I'm glad you didn't judge me! :t)
It feels so good to be among people that even though don't necessarily agree with you ,don't make fun of you because you know I can't even talked about it seriously with my family or friends because they're just narrow-minded and they think I'm just obsessed and it is stupid and insane and as I've never met him what I feel for him is stupid!
So thank you very much indeed! ;D


Quote from: myprivatejack on Apr 14, 2010, 11:41 AM
Personalising in myself,the other Brokies know that I dreamt about him,he talked me about his last days and that he kissed me in the cheek to tell me goodbye.As you see,I don't know who is crazier... :i 
Concerning what you said myprivatejack , don't worry I've also made strange dreams about Heath. I don't remember all of them but one struck me because I think it was the first ever with him and Matilda.
 What I remember is that one moment when I was talking with him, he asked me about Matilda and I don't know why I had this picture of her with me when she was about 3 years old so I showed it to him and I remember his face when he saw the picture and he was so happy because she looks happy too and looks so much like him,he was just saw proud .I remember him crying of joy :) and I think it was the most beautiful dream I've ever made!
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Offline lancecowboy

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4997 on: Apr 16, 2010, 05:21 PM »
 :ghug: Hemarole mpj  :ghug: You have wonderful dreams.  :^^) :c) ^f^
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Offline keren_b

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4998 on: Apr 17, 2010, 06:34 AM »
Quote from: Hemarole on Apr 16, 2010, 03:47 PM
Hey guys  thanks so much for your answers - They help a lot and I'm glad you didn't judge me! :t)
It feels so good to be among people that even though don't necessarily agree with you ,don't make fun of you because you know I can't even talked about it seriously with my family or friends because they're just narrow-minded and they think I'm just obsessed and it is stupid and insane and as I've never met him what I feel for him is stupid!
So thank you very much indeed! ;D

You nailed it, and this is just how I feel too. We may not always have the same opinion but we respect each other and we can understand each other's feelings. Most people in real life think that I'm obsessed with Heath and they can't understand my grief over someone I've never met, because they can't understand my love for him... this is the only place where I can be trully open and honest about how I feel, and that means so much. In the days after Heath's passing, this place kept me going - I could come here and cry and pour my heart and I knew people here understood me, and no one thought I was crazy because they all felt the same. Just having that meant more than anything.
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Offline myprivatejack

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #4999 on: Apr 17, 2010, 12:08 PM »
Quote from: Hemarole on Apr 16, 2010, 03:47 PM
Hey guys  thanks so much for your answers - They help a lot and I'm glad you didn't judge me! :t)
It feels so good to be among people that even though don't necessarily agree with you ,don't make fun of you because you know I can't even talked about it seriously with my family or friends because they're just narrow-minded and they think I'm just obsessed and it is stupid and insane and as I've never met him what I feel for him is stupid!
So thank you very much indeed! ;D

Concerning what you said myprivatejack , don't worry I've also made strange dreams about Heath. I don't remember all of them but one struck me because I think it was the first ever with him and Matilda.
 What I remember is that one moment when I was talking with him, he asked me about Matilda and I don't know why I had this picture of her with me when she was about 3 years old so I showed it to him and I remember his face when he saw the picture and he was so happy because she looks happy too and looks so much like him,he was just saw proud .I remember him crying of joy :) and I think it was the most beautiful dream I've ever made!
Yes,this is the main point of this forum;being able to feel just the way you are ¡.Period.Nobody makes fun of you because,in this case,that would mean as much as making fun of oneself.And how can we laugh at anybody who feels the same emotive bond with two persons for the simple fact of being our boys on screen? It's difficult to understand if we haven't felt you,it's true...But it's what we have and how we are ¡. :ghug: By the way,your beautiful dream has made me cry..I'm sure that would have been the way Heath had reacted if he was able to see his little daughter from the place he's now. #)
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Ennis’s eyes gone bright with shock, mouth opening then closing again. “Love?” Ennis said finally, voice strangling in his throat.

Jack smiled sad. “Yeah, Ennis. Love.” Leaned forward and kissed Ennis’s temple, whispered, “What’d you think it was, all this time?”
("If I asked")
                         ----------------
Heathcliff Andrew Ledger (1979-2008)/Rajel Karen Ashkenazi (1986-2008)
You will be forever in my heart,friends.

Offline Hemarole

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #5000 on: Apr 28, 2010, 02:33 PM »
Just because I know you'll understand what I felt i'd like to share my frustration with you guys.Since July 2009 ,I'm wearing a necklace in which i've engraved (well a guy did it for me ;D  - I'm not sure fo the english word engrave in this situation but I'm sure you'll understand me anyway!) a pic' of Heath on it so that he's always with me  <^(  and today one of my friend apparently just happened to notice it and god i hate how she react you know she said " Seriously ?!" as if the fact of wearing this necklace i completey stupid .I felt she was almost making fun of me. And I was so fustrated .I don't get why when people don't understand that you can be attached to someone you haven't met in real life , they act like whateveryou do that touch to him is stupid .I mean in a way I'm sad for them because they don't what they are missing.
Well anyway I just needed to share it with you and I'm wondering if you have ever felt like me once ? Because unfortunately It was not the first time for me  :-\\

ps: I'll post a pic of my necklace whenever i can  ;)
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Offline FlwrChild

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #5001 on: Apr 28, 2010, 10:44 PM »
 :ghug: Hemarole. That must be so frustrating. But there are a lot of us here who have various keepsakes or mementos to serve as reminders and tokens of affection. I think it's perfectly reasonable and completely understandable and it's too bad there are so many people who would be so quick to laugh off a sincere gesture of any kind. I'd rather be one of us than one of them. And my guess is he would too.  :c)
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Offline keren_b

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #5002 on: Apr 29, 2010, 09:51 AM »
Hemarole, I know exactly how you feel. Unfortunately, I got some similar reactions myself from people who couldn't understand the way I feel about Heath, and showed no respect for my pain. It's sad to admit, but now I just try not to talk about him with people outside this forum - the people here are the only ones who understand. :(
« Last Edit: Apr 29, 2010, 01:12 PM by keren_b »
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Offline Hemarole

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #5003 on: Apr 29, 2010, 10:13 AM »
Keren_b I do quite the same now.When some people are brought to talk about Heath or something link to him now I just say he was a wonderful actor and so on but  I don't talk about my feelings  :-\\
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Offline myprivatejack

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #5004 on: Apr 29, 2010, 10:33 AM »
Quote from: Hemarole on Apr 28, 2010, 02:33 PM
Just because I know you'll understand what I felt i'd like to share my frustration with you guys.Since July 2009 ,I'm wearing a necklace in which i've engraved (well a guy did it for me ;D  - I'm not sure fo the english word engrave in this situation but I'm sure you'll understand me anyway!) a pic' of Heath on it so that he's always with me  <^(  and today one of my friend apparently just happened to notice it and god i hate how she react you know she said " Seriously ?!" as if the fact of wearing this necklace i completey stupid .I felt she was almost making fun of me. And I was so fustrated .I don't get why when people don't understand that you can be attached to someone you haven't met in real life , they act like whateveryou do that touch to him is stupid .I mean in a way I'm sad for them because they don't what they are missing.
Well anyway I just needed to share it with you and I'm wondering if you have ever felt like me once ? Because unfortunately It was not the first time for me  :-\\

ps: I'll post a pic of my necklace whenever i can  ;)

Hemarole,I understand how frustrating must this reaction be for you :ghug: .But,if it serves for some relief,I'm afraid to tell you that this friend mustn't be so good friend as you believed if she can't understand nor respect your feelings.I know that it's very common among people to think that feeling so attached to someone you have never met personally can be done for teenagers,not for adult persons...And why not,I ask them?.If you like someone's art-be this acting,painting,writing or whatever-and he or she has made you feel good with this art,is it so strange to feel him/her like a kind of friend? I think they are a little narrow-minded people in this sense; they believe things are in this way and can't be in the contrary because they have been taught so.Maybe they aren't able to go beyond what is in the surface and try and understand the intimate reasons of someone.But,at least,they should show some respect and let jokes and laughs for things less important:so,don't worry and if you want,feel free to share your feelings with us.We can't laugh at ourselves... ;)
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Ennis’s eyes gone bright with shock, mouth opening then closing again. “Love?” Ennis said finally, voice strangling in his throat.

Jack smiled sad. “Yeah, Ennis. Love.” Leaned forward and kissed Ennis’s temple, whispered, “What’d you think it was, all this time?”
("If I asked")
                         ----------------
Heathcliff Andrew Ledger (1979-2008)/Rajel Karen Ashkenazi (1986-2008)
You will be forever in my heart,friends.

Offline lancecowboy

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #5005 on: May 11, 2010, 08:54 PM »
Thinking of Heath, reminded of this song, echoing the quote from Kahlil Gibran:

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being,
the more joy you can contain."

The song says, "how does a memory last this long
so i just hold you down a road that never ends
and i just keep you in my heart that never mends"

The song is not released yet, but you can hear it on http://myspace.com/musicsand in the profile playlist.

So I Can Feel You Again - by Ryan Laird

i never listened to the sound of rain
that i don't miss you i don't see your face
it's never what i need cuz what it does to me
it's always the same

a million pictures running through my mind
i reminisce on all the better times
clear as a summer night i know that i can never fight
there is nothing to gain
it takes a hold on me so strong
how does a memory last this long

so i just hold you down a road that never ends
and i just keep you in my heart that never mends
and now i have learn to love the rain
and then i learned to love the pain
so i can feel you again

maybe i'm selfish not to let you go
and it goes against everything i know
i am just not ready to stop loving you any time soon
if god has just give me my way, you'd be here with me today

so i just hold you down a road that never ends
and i just keep you in my heart that never mends
and now i have learn to love the rain
and then i learned to love the pain
so i can feel you again

so i just hold you down a road that never ends
and i just keep you in my heart that never mends
and now i have learn to love the rain
and then i learned to love the pain
so i can feel you again
i can feel you again
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Heath, you are loved, like this, always.

Offline myprivatejack

  • Jack + Ennis
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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #5006 on: May 12, 2010, 11:55 AM »
Beautiful and so sad... :_( Thanks for sharing it ¡
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Ennis’s eyes gone bright with shock, mouth opening then closing again. “Love?” Ennis said finally, voice strangling in his throat.

Jack smiled sad. “Yeah, Ennis. Love.” Leaned forward and kissed Ennis’s temple, whispered, “What’d you think it was, all this time?”
("If I asked")
                         ----------------
Heathcliff Andrew Ledger (1979-2008)/Rajel Karen Ashkenazi (1986-2008)
You will be forever in my heart,friends.

Offline Ferdinand

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #5007 on: May 12, 2010, 03:10 PM »
The words are beautiful, the song is beautiful. Thanks, lance!
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Go to sleep, may your sweet dreams come true,
Just lay back in my arms for one more night.

Offline Hemarole

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  • ♥ 1979 -2008 ♥
Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #5008 on: May 15, 2010, 12:17 PM »
Such a beautiful song ! Thanks for sharing it  :)
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•NOTHING IS PERMANENT,NOT EVEN DEATH•
                   The imaginarium of dr Parnassus

Offline Tony

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Re: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory
« Reply #5009 on: May 15, 2010, 11:13 PM »
  I caught some of the reporting on the Heath Ledger scholarship award in L.A., and it really jumped out what his sister Kate said.  She said she thought of him every day and talked to him every day.
  I hope she always does.  I believe she always will.  It's not grief, IMO.  It is a sound, firmly grounded family love, and I wish there were more of that going around. In our hearts and in our minds, we ought to send out a big hug, for that lovely lady, so faithful to her brother's memory. I know it made me feel better to read that, and I wish her well, so very much!
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