It is real. And one day we'll probably even accept that. But yeah, we were in tune, and there is actually comfort in that. Still, I have those moments of thinking why someone so special? Why someone so worth being? But then I try to remind myself there could have been a world without him in it at all, and that would really be bleak, so I'll give thanks for those 28 years he had and the few years we had of his graciously sharing himself, and go from there.
Yup. I am with you there, FlwrChild. I cannot imagine a world without Heath, so I am thankful for every picture of him I see on the web. I am grateful for every interview I found, whether on youtube, or in text, where I can learn a little bit more about the man behind the screen. I am forever indebted to everyone who helped to bring Heath into the world, on to the screen, and most of all, in all the roles that I love and cherish. For the moment, that includes Ennis in Brokeback Mountain, and William in A Knght's Tale. I am not too crazy about Skip in Lords of Dogtown. I recall the son in The Patriot only vaguely, so I will just have to watch it again.
I could never understand in the past, when I saw people crying and fainting in Beatles or Elvis concerts. Or how some people were fanatical about Elvis memorabilia. Now I understand, because I cry watching Heath in different movies, interviews or photographs, because I want to collect everything that is connected with Heath, because I think about Heath whenever I am not busy or distracted with mundane things. It is the same mourning process that went on for years twenty eight years ago. I wish I can say that it gets better. I think it got better for a while, after I watched A Knight's Tale. But it got worse, after I watched Lords of Dogtown. The antidote for that was watching Brokeback Mountain again, and bookmarking all the great moments of Heath, capturing the visual poetry we spoke of. I try to see all the good that Heath gave us, and try to ride out the sense of loss. There is no other way, and if I've learned anything from Ennis in Brokeback Mountain in the last few scenes, and to paraphrase myself from the poetry corner way back when, before that tragic day:
I spent too many years
thinking of yesterdays with you
when I can be looking ahead
to warm hearts and embraces
right here and right now
I am thankful that if I gotta stand it, I gotta stand it with all you warm and wonderful people.