Sometimes people say that they don't understand Ennis, and they resent his behavior. I don't get that. Even in these modern days there are still, unfortunately, people who have problems accepting their sexuality, who hide it from their family and friends, who are afraid to come out. The reason is usually that they're afraid of the reaction, afraid of being rejected. Do we resent them for that? Do we get angry at them? Do we judge them?
Ennis was not only afraid of being rejected, he was afraid of getting killed. And he had reasons to be afraid. He grew up in a time and place where being gay was in no way acceptable, and he was taught that "queers" deserved to die. Do you know what a trauma it is for a 9 year old kid to see a dead body? Can you imagine the fears and the nightmares this kind of thing produces in a child? Can you imagine, after being told that this person deserved to die because he was queer, how terrifying it is to realize that you're also "like that"? That only meant one thing for Ennis - if anyone finds out, they'll kill him too. No wonder that he repressed his feelings as deeply as he could, and convinced himself that he wasn't queer. He didn't know anything about being gay and living with another man, he knew only two people who did that - Earl and Rich, and look what happened to them. He had no other role models. "Two men living together - no way". This thing wasn't even a possibility in Ennis's world, not where he grew up, not in the reality that he knew. All he knew was that "if this thing grabs hold of us in the wrong place, in the wrong time, we're dead". And he was terrified of that. Looking at his history and the trauma he carried with him, is that so hard to understand? Can anyone blame him for acting like he did? Is any of us in a position to judge him?
