I felt very sorry that on the 22nd I was away camping, sans internet access. Exacerbating the already-there sadness that I'll doubtless always feel on the 22nd of January, was the keen awareness that I couldn't be here at camp, sharing my feelings with my Brokies, like I did on the first anniversary of our Heath's passing.
So, this is the first chance I've had to come pay my respects, and it does pain me that they come late.
Well...what to say; I miss him and love him still, we all do.
Although two years have served to - very gradually - lessen the intensity of the pain and grief, they have not managed to make me love him less. The contrary. Two years without Heath's bodily presence have only served to grow my love for him. The grief is quieter these days, I've reached as much "acceptance" as I probably ever will, but I love him more than ever. The quieting of the intense, overwhelming grief of the first year deprived of Heath - which almost overshadowed, in a way, my love for him - has allowed me to feel closer to him, to feel him around more strongly, and see him in everything around me. In the absence of that crushing grief that is always the strongest in that first year, I no longer exactly feel like he is even gone. How can I truly feel he is gone, when I can feel his beautiful spirit around me whenever it is I take a moment to sense it?
We love you, Heath, just like this, always.
