Topic: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory

[Emzan]

This confirms those words that one brokie said, that Heath would kick his own ass for this terrible accident, for him having been imprudent.

Today I told to Ali (MyPrivateJack) that I was stunned reading that inform, ‘cause it was saying that was not the amount of pills but the mix of them what killed him. And I was so shocked ‘cause I do the same the whole time. I have very horrible pains several times a month (long story) and I can’t stand that…..so I use to take so many pills….and I use to mix several kinds of them. My mother and friends are always really mad at me for that….but until today I never saw the danger. I could have been him, many of us could have been him. I think Linda was so right when she said that how easy it is to take to many prescription drugs. People know the dangers of illegal drugs but too many think that if you have prescription drugs it's okay. It’s so easy to find death when you try to sleep or to calm pain with pills that doctor gave you. You don’t have to be a junkie to die ‘cause of drugs.

I know I must be feeling quite better knowing that all this was only a tragic accident, but in a way I can not explain I feel really worse, ‘cause that show me even more clearly that he wanted to live. I’ve never had doubts about that, but to think about all those dreams he had, all the love he wanted to give, makes me deeply sad now I know that he went to sleep waiting for another day to make his dreams come true, to see his baby Matilda, simply to live.

And now I can’t stand the idea that maybe he’s so sad and angry wherever he is, ‘cause he wanted so bad to live and a tragic mistake of his ruined it all. Oh my, he was so perfectionist in all his works and, you see, one only mistake and……

That so sad and just unfair. I know Heath, I’m mad too, I’m broken too.  :\'(  :\'(

You took the words from my mouth.

Now I just wish that the press will leave his family and friends alone, and that they will stop writing all this crap about him, because hearing all those untrue stories is not what his family needs right now. :\'(

[keren_b]

Barb sent me the news at work. Needless to say I burst into tears and actually almost threw up.
This isn't going to change one thing in terms of feelings for him etc That's not even an issue for me.
I know this probably sounds selfish but I wanted/needed it to be natural causes- not that any ruling was going to magically change the cold, brutal fact that he is gone.  :\'( I guess it was more of having him vindicated in the media.
I guess at the end of the day none of that matters because to those that truly cared this will change nothing and to those that will pass judgements, well I can't say here what I'd say to them. And also to know that there was nothing that could have been done but again- nothing was going to put us back two weeks ago and undo any of it.
I sincerely hope that the media doesn't do their spin doctoring and turn a horrible accident into something it's not. Somehow I think that won't be the case and they should just let him rest in peace.
I'm rambling- don't even know if this is coherent. I still can't believe that any of this is real- my brain is still not comprehending one bit of the past two weeks. I still feel like this is some cruel alternate reality.  :\'(

You've expressed exactly how I feel - which is too awful to describe. I'm crying all over again. You're right, it's not gonna change anything, so why is this affecting me so much? I mean, I suspected that was the reason... but it's so horrible to read these words. Our darling beautiful Heath, my mind just can't accept it...

[Tony]

   We're getting kicked around AGAIN, because they waited so long to give us the truth, and it just opens up the wounds again.  But we'll do
better, gradually, as the news sinks in.  The funeral is said to be Saturday, in Perth, but what day is that here?  Isn't it Friday?  We need to
know this so we can each, in our own way, be right by Heath, be faithful to him that day above all others, and remember him formally, as if
we were there.

[NoReins]

Tammy, I actually like what you say about him "wanting to live...that he went to sleep waiting for another day to make his dreams come true..."

Because, you see, that's how he lived his life. And that means that there were no wasted days, which means that he did get everything out of life there was to get. And that's as good as any of us can hope for. So as tragic as it is that he left all too soon, I do find some comfort in knowing that he lived so well.

And I really believe that the burden of regret is on the people that are left behind, not the departed. In my heart, I feel that all such concerns are left behind. So I don't think that he is sad, but I do think that he will watch over his family while they go through their sadness. And who better to have watch over them than someone who loves them so much?

Barb, you've got me :\'( all over again with your beautiful words.

But, as others have said, this news just makes it so much more tragic. If Heath (god forbid) had done something on purpose...if he'd wanted out...then maybe it would have been easier, somehow, knowing it was what he wanted. But this way...having it all taken away by something as simple as the wrong combination of prescription drugs...it's just so heartbreaking. I thought I was getting over this at least a little but I just can't bear to think of all the dreams left unfulfilled.

 :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'(

[Rosie]

Barb, you've got me :\'( all over again with your beautiful words.

But, as others have said, this news just makes it so much more tragic. If Heath (god forbid) had done something on purpose...if he'd wanted out...then maybe it would have been easier, somehow, knowing it was what he wanted. But this way...having it all taken away by something as simple as the wrong combination of prescription drugs...it's just so heartbreaking. I thought I was getting over this at least a little but I just can't bear to think of all the dreams left unfulfilled.
 :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'(

 :\'( :\'( 

[Asali]

I've just heard the song from James Blunt-Goodbye My Lover
It has the lines:
 "You touched my heart
You touched my soul"...
That's exactly how I feel...

This was a song used on So You Think You Can Dance last night, I couldn't help but cry but also noticed one of the judges wiping his eyes, not sure if it was the song and what it may have meant to him or the combination of the beautifully done dance and the song.  :\'(

[ayasha]

I see there's a lot of new stuff here...I've glanced quickly, but I'm unable to read, honest, I don't wanna know too much.

However, I've been reading the tribute compilation thread, thanks Chameau for gathering all that beauty, and everyone for your inputs. I much rather tributes than information right now. My grain of sand...excuse my mistakes.

Little boy lost
twinkling trembling star,
trying to skip black holes,
you have orbited too far...
Some say: did he just get blind?
 
I've been following your trail,
of your gloomy gleaming smile,
it has led me to the shore
now I wonder where you are...
Some say you have just drowned
 
Lovelorn early bird
flapped his wounded wings,
flew too soon, too high,
couldn't get into the swing
Some say you just nose dived
 
No matter how high they scream
that you've hurled yourself to void,
that you've vanished into nothingness,
that you're under cold damp soil...
 
You are breeze that passes brushing,
crashing waves that softly rock,
a sun ray when sky is smiling…
You’re the thorn that grazed my heart.

*Thanks for the pic Chameau, it's haunting, couldn't help borrow it

[trekfan]

Tammy, I actually like what you say about him "wanting to live...that he went to sleep waiting for another day to make his dreams come true..."

Because, you see, that's how he lived his life. And that means that there were no wasted days, which means that he did get everything out of life there was to get. And that's as good as any of us can hope for. So as tragic as it is that he left all too soon, I do find some comfort in knowing that he lived so well.

And I really believe that the burden of regret is on the people that are left behind, not the departed. In my heart, I feel that all such concerns are left behind. So I don't think that he is sad, but I do think that he will watch over his family while they go through their sadness. And who better to have watch over them than someone who loves them so much?

you said this so Eloquently FC.   Heath was FULL of life,  this was not a man who wanted to die. And he lived his life to the fullest.  Maybe he only lived for 28 years but WHAT a wonderful 28 years they were!  and we will all remember him

 

[gambrinus]

Although the toxicology news doesn't make anyone feel any better, maybe it's good to dwell on some positives...

• It wasn't intentional - he never meant to leave his daughter, his family and his career
• All the drugs were legal - not many muck-raking opportunities for the gutter press
• Heightened awareness of the dangers of so-called "safe" prescription drugs - maybe a few lives will be saved
• It appeared that Heath just wanted to be able to sleep; he did get to sleep, and was probably quite relieved and happy when he finally did - he was deeply asleep when he died, there was no pain or panic, just sleep
• He was a good-looking young man - and will remain young and good-looking for ever

Probably not much comfort, I know, but maybe a bit...

[FlwrChild]

It is amazing what a difference it makes for me to come here and read all of your words and take comfort from hearing you share your thoughts. Thank you everyone.

 
ayashae, beautiful words.

gambrinus, you make very good points and when the shock and hurt wear off, those will be good things for us to remember.

[LuvJackNasty]

   We're getting kicked around AGAIN, because they waited so long to give us the truth, and it just opens up the wounds again.  But we'll do
better, gradually, as the news sinks in.  The funeral is said to be Saturday, in Perth, but what day is that here?  Isn't it Friday?  We need to
know this so we can each, in our own way, be right by Heath, be faithful to him that day above all others, and remember him formally, as if
we were there.

I think I'm numb. I can't cry right now. Don't know if those protective whatevers in me have circled the wagon or what. The next and possibly the hardest wave will hit when he is laid to rest. I mean I guess nothing can be harder than the news on 1/22 but there is going to be a finality that we can't ignore anymore, a reality that will scream until it's heard.

[LuvJackNasty]

You've expressed exactly how I feel - which is too awful to describe. I'm crying all over again. You're right, it's not gonna change anything, so why is this affecting me so much? I mean, I suspected that was the reason... but it's so horrible to read these words. Our darling beautiful Heath, my mind just can't accept it...

  I think because it's too incomprehensible to process-any of it. I think, for me, that no matter what the report said it wasn't going to make me feel "better" there is only one thing that will make me feel better right now and I know that will never come to pass.  :\'( There is just a helplessness in all of this-everyone of us was powerless against what happened- there was nothing we could have said or done to change a damn thing. And it sucks. I think acceptance, at least for me, will be a very long time in coming. 

[FlwrChild]

I think I'm numb. I can't cry right now. Don't know if those protective whatevers in me have circled the wagon or what. The next and possibly the hardest wave will hit when he is laid to rest. I mean I guess nothing can be harder than the news on 1/22 but there is going to be a finality that we can't ignore anymore, a reality that will scream until it's heard.

Oh man. The part I bolded made me think of his SB acceptance speech, when he said:
 
"Sometimes you must scream out loud in order to discover a whisper."

 :\'(  :\'(

[LuvJackNasty]

Oh man. The part I bolded made me think of his SB acceptance speech, when he said:
 
"Sometimes you must scream out loud in order to discover a whisper."

 :\'(  :\'(

Crap  :\'( :\'( Maybe when those whispers come, they will be some form of acceptance.  :\'(

[FlwrChild]

Oh geez, the whisper is acceptance. :\'( That's beautiful. Let's hope.

[jacks_key]

I see there's a lot of new stuff here...I've glanced quickly, but I'm unable to read, honest, I don't wanna know too much.

However, I've been reading the tribute compilation thread, thanks Chameau for gathering all that beauty, and everyone for your inputs. I much rather tributes than information right now. My grain of sand...excuse my mistakes.

Little boy lost
twinkling trembling star,
trying to skip black holes,
you have orbited too far...
Some say: did he just get blind?
 
I've been following your trail,
of your gloomy gleaming smile,
it has led me to the shore
now I wonder where you are...
Some say you have just drowned
 
Lovelorn early bird
flapped his wounded wings,
flew too soon, too high,
couldn't get into the swing
Some say you just nose dived
 
No matter how high they scream
that you've hurled yourself to void,
that you've vanished into nothingness,
that you're under cold damp soil...
 
You are breeze that passes brushing,
crashing waves that softly rock,
a sun ray when sky is smiling…
You’re the thorn that grazed my heart.

*Thanks for the pic Chameau, it's haunting, couldn't help borrow it

That was just beautiful.  :\'(

[Tony]

    Before I logged off, was going to thank everybody that replied to one of my posts, but the list was very long, so will just say---you all are
the greatest.  Also, Ayashae's poem was beautiful.
   But Michelle's saying: "...a reality that will scream until it's heard.."  hits close to home. If outsiders looked a little closer, they would see
why emotions run so deep  and that Heath was loved......with just cause.

  

[FlwrChild]

"It's not that we're better than others, but we sure are
independent, unique, in the ways that we give our hearts out, and, if outsiders looked a little closer, they would see we gave our love to Heath
....with just cause."

Beautiful, friend.    

[trekfan]

Oh man. The part I bolded made me think of his SB acceptance speech, when he said:
 
"Sometimes you must scream out loud in order to discover a whisper."

 :\'(  :\'(

OMG how profound .  Is there a place I could see this speech?

I am a little like LJN in that I find it hard to believe he's gone.  This report made the tears and empty feeling start again.   When I hear that he's been laid in his final resting place I will be both relieved and saddened all over again

 :\'(  I can't stand it OR Fix it either

Linda

[FlwrChild]

Keren posted it in the news thread:

http://ennisjack.com/index.php?topic=12695.msg679395#msg679395

And here's a link to the audio:

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20173623,00.html

[LuvJackNasty]

Well, everybody hang tough.  A lot of outsiders would think we were overly emotional....and weak.  Just the opposite---we have been tough enough to risk a lot by loving, and we are proving tough enough to handle a huge loss.  It's not that we're better than others, but we sure are independent, unique, in the ways that we give our hearts out, and, if outsiders looked a little closer, they would see we gave our love to Heath
....with just cause.   

Well said Tony  And I believe if the funeral (God  :\'( ) is Saturday in Australia then it would be Friday for us. I'm vasciallting between those stages too, friend. 

  Linda

Beautiful poem Ayashae 

And big hugs to everyone. 

[Del_Marvelous]

"You are breeze that passes brushing,
crashing waves that softly rock,
a sun ray when sky is smiling…
You’re the thorn that grazed my heart."

Oh, Ayashae, that was just wonderful!

Del_Marvelous

[BBBOY]

For me it will be a final relief to hear his mortal remains are finally put to rest. His spirit has been traveling for 2 weeks now, on to better places than we can know. I just finished watching "Ned Kelly", a movie where he is an adult and proves once again what a unique and singular actor he was. I will keep what he was close to my heart and not try to dwell on what he could have been. Sleep well Heath, sleep well.

[FlwrChild]

Many people have said "He could've been one of the greats." I don't think there's any could've about it. He was already there. When I look at his performances in Ned Kelly, Monster's Ball, BBM, and Candy especially, I'd have to say he'd already accomplished more in his career than some actors do over a span of 40 years. He absolutely was one of the greats, and that's just in acting, which was only one of his many gifts.

Yep, I'll keep what he was close to my heart too.

[Lis]

Hello Everyone...

It was hard today to come home from school today, hearing all the latest news about Heath and the toxicology reports. It is tough to believe that a man like him died accidental by prescription drugs..and it's tough to comprehend that most of this meds that were in his system were due to all of the work he was doing with finishing TDK, filming Dr. P, and awaiting to see his daughter again after being away from her for so long. But I am happy that all of the test have been finished and that the news and rumors are starting to diminish, in hopes that he will be laid peacefully to rest.

On another note, I have a favor to ask amongst our members..

As you all may know, I am not one for poems (like some who are so amazing, my mouth drops) or the music vids. that bring me almost to tears..but since Jan. 23, if I didn't explain already, I have collected newspaper clippings and recently, pictures from magazines. My collection is growing bigger but lately I sparked the idea of gathering pictures from fellow members. Whether they are your favorite pictures of Heath, a small collage you have created honoring him, anything like that, would be greatly appreciated. If you are interested, please PM me. I am going to work the next 2 weeks in making this and my mom has even told me when I am done, she will laminate the finishing product. So please, feel free to send me pictures you think would be the best for this collage or "poster" as my mom calls it. Thank you 

 
Lis

*Note: All clippings from magazines that I have cut do not contain false information or incriminating pictures of Heath and/or his family and friends, but pictures of happy moments with people around him and smiling pictures from all ages of our beloved Heath.

[FlwrChild]

Lis, I think that sounds wonderful.

[LuvJackNasty]

That is such a wonderful idea Lis  I'm gathering articles, magazines, posts etc and I'm going to make a booklet for myself- I do these weird time capsule type things in times like this- don't know why. I hope you show us the finished collage when you are done 

[ksxks]

This confirms those words that one brokie said, that Heath would kick his own ass for this terrible accident, for him having been imprudent.

Today I told to Ali (MyPrivateJack) that I was stunned reading that inform, ‘cause it was saying that was not the amount of pills but the mix of them what killed him. And I was so shocked ‘cause I do the same the whole time. I have very horrible pains several times a month (long story) and I can’t stand that…..so I use to take so many pills….and I use to mix several kinds of them. My mother and friends are always really mad at me for that….but until today I never saw the danger. I could have been him, many of us could have been him. I think Linda was so right when she said that how easy it is to take to many prescription drugs. People know the dangers of illegal drugs but too many think that if you have prescription drugs it's okay. It’s so easy to find death when you try to sleep or to calm pain with pills that doctor gave you. You don’t have to be a junkie to die ‘cause of drugs.

I know I must be feeling quite better knowing that all this was only a tragic accident, but in a way I can not explain I feel really worse, ‘cause that show me even more clearly that he wanted to live. I’ve never had doubts about that, but to think about all those dreams he had, all the love he wanted to give, makes me deeply sad now I know that he went to sleep waiting for another day to make his dreams come true, to see his baby Matilda, simply to live.

And now I can’t stand the idea that maybe he’s so sad and angry wherever he is, ‘cause he wanted so bad to live and a tragic mistake of his ruined it all. Oh my, he was so perfectionist in all his works and, you see, one only mistake and……

That so sad and just unfair. I know Heath, I’m mad too, I’m broken too.  :\'(  :\'(

This is how I feel, also.  Just a f**king mistake.  All he wnted to do was get some good sleep...  I can't stand it, still.

And you, BT, please be careful.

kathy

[ksxks]

Tammy, I actually like what you say about him "wanting to live...that he went to sleep waiting for another day to make his dreams come true..."

Because, you see, that's how he lived his life. And that means that there were no wasted days, which means that he did get everything out of life there was to get. And that's as good as any of us can hope for. So as tragic as it is that he left all too soon, I do find some comfort in knowing that he lived so well.

And I really believe that the burden of regret is on the people that are left behind, not the departed. In my heart, I feel that all such concerns are left behind. So I don't think that he is sad, but I do think that he will watch over his family while they go through their sadness. And who better to have watch over them than someone who loves them so much?

I think this, too, FC.  I never worry about the person who has departed, ever.  It's all about us.  Well, obviously, about those closest to him.  And especially his little girl.  Though again, I'm probably putting too much onto that, too.  I think children are so resiliant, and so young, it's not really a trauma to her.  It will color her somehow, these times right now of no daddy around and not knowing why, but she'll get along.  Until she gets older and learns form a more mature space who her father was -- then, depending on how stable she is, she'll either  dwell on it in an unhealthy way, or in a healthy way, we hope.

Sorry...just following some of the jumbled-up thoughts still stewing around in my head...

kathy

[ksxks]

Little boy lost
twinkling trembling star,
trying to skip black holes,
you have orbited too far...
Some say: did he just get blind?
 
I've been following your trail,
of your gloomy gleaming smile,
it has led me to the shore
now I wonder where you are...
Some say you have just drowned
 
Lovelorn early bird
flapped his wounded wings,
flew too soon, too high,
couldn't get into the swing
Some say you just nose dived
 
No matter how high they scream
that you've hurled yourself to void,
that you've vanished into nothingness,
that you're under cold damp soil...
 
You are breeze that passes brushing,
crashing waves that softly rock,
a sun ray when sky is smiling…
You’re the thorn that grazed my heart.[/center]

This is so beautiful, ayashae.  Perfect words to express Heath's spirit...  Thank you.

kathy