Last week was a totally shit. I was so sad, so, so sad that I was not able to visit the forum. I’ve only stayed here twice, maybe three times and I sure avoid coming here, to this thread. It was too much for me. I was so tired of crying for Heath, I was tired of feeling weak and lost. I wanted to have a life again. I couldn’t stand to read Michelle or Keren posts; that always brought tears to my eyes and finally I spent the whole days reading so touching things through a sea of tears. I had to stop that. But the truth is that it didn’t work, and I spent all week thinking about Heath and other person and feeling even more miserable ‘cause now I was alone in my labyrinth of pain, without Brokies to help me to go on.
Saturday was the worst day. I was a real wreck ‘cause I had a very serious flu (doctor says it is near to pneumonia) and I was alone in my room. Then I had one of my crazy ideas and I decided to read one brokie thing about Heath and then there I was again, crying like a baby, with my head buried in the pillow, biting it, wanting so bad to punch something. I had the right hand over my chest ‘cause my heart hurt so much, so so much. It was so much the pain in my chest that for a moment I led my hand to my face to see if there was blood in it….
I spent the whole evening in my bed with a terrible headache because of all the crying. Sunday I was a total numb, a ghost. 
Today I woke up thinking about Heath and all of you and I’ve spent the morning looking for enough strength to read this thread. I’ve done it. I’ve cried a lot at work. I think my co-workers think I’m really crazy, I don’t know. You all friends have a very huge sensitive beautiful heart and I see myself in all your posts. I want you all to be happy and I want so bad to give you some comfort but it just happens that I can’t even to wipe my tears so I don’t know what to do to make you feel better. Sorry. You all mean a world to me. Kathy, Andrew, Tony, Koka, Rosie, Christie, Barb, Keren, Mikele, Emzan, Lis, Hpv, Simone, Guyinjax, Carb and so other many brokies (excuse me for not remember all names…),THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR UTTERLY BEAUTIFUL POSTS. You all touch my heart and I treasure all your words in my soul.
And you, my soulmate, Michelle, you have all my thoughts, all times, day and night, ‘cause you feel the exactly way I do, ‘cause you always put in words what my heart is feeling, and even being so shattered you always have a nice word for me. As I said to you once, every simple time I cry at my desk I find out that you’re crying at your desk too, and that, being cruel and all, makes me feel that I’m not alone and my feelings are not crazy or exaggerate. I wish that I was there to hug you, to paint a rainbow and make you smile. But I’m not so afraid, ‘cause you have all these marvellous brokies by your side, and the sweet fairy Barb.
Miss Heath with all my being. Think about him the whole time; think about you all a lot.