To Michelle and Keren,and all these Brokies that aren't able,or better said,DON´T FEEL ABLE to go out from the hollow of sadness they're now in.
In these days several Brokies have said the most beautiful words one can hear about sorrow and its relief,friendship,love,pain and,above all,LIFE.So,it's difficult for me to add something new to posts so beautifully expressed as the one from Tammy,f.e.,and specially something that can relieve you from your grief with the proper words.Moreover,I've been away from this thread for some days ,simply because I needed it.Perhaps you're thinking I'm selfish because I postponed other fellow's needs to mine,but I think this is question...I mean, the first two weeks I felt absolutely incapable to separate myself from these threads of grief and memories for Heath;and more still,to post in threads so "frivolous" as the one about BBM jokes or the other about nature pictures,f.e.I wrote here or in some PM as a way to give and receive some kind of relief from and to other Brokies,or simply,I read what other people wrote and felt,without sometimes feeling able to answer them...But only in these threads;I found writing on the rest like an outrage to Heath in my depressed state of mind.
But little by little I was inferring that I wouldn't be able to help anybody if I kept on plunging into depression,above all because I WASN´T ABLE TO HELP MYSELF FIRST.I arrived to the conclusion that if Heath could see us from this place he's now-and I'm sure he can...-would feel very,very proud for having stirring so deep feeling in his fans;but at the same time,he wouldn't like us to feel so broken down,even he would feel angry with himself for having let us in this state.So,I decided I MUST CARRY ON if not for myself,or for all of you,FOR HIM,FOR HIS MEMORY,FOR THE LOVE HE GAVE AND BE GIVEN...And I began to write in another threads,even making some fun,-yes,why not?-and run away just a little from this vicious circle we're in.Does this mean I've forgotten Heath?Does this mean I don't mind your grief? Does this mean I'm more inhuman than before? Frankly,I think not because if I had been so,believe me,I hadn't arrived to this conclusion;simply,I had lived my life from the very beginning without posing these questions in my mind because I HADN´T NEEDED IT(surely I hadn't thought even about them...).
We all are around a Brokeback bonfire that are letting to die out with the tears of our sorrow and our incapability to revive it from our own revival itself...WE CAN´T¡ All of us have some persons who need us,who are suffering by seeing us in this way,and whom we can help if they're also with problems because,I repite,we aren't able to help ourselves.Who are we to do such a bad trick?Please,think about it...Think about persons like Simone,who had two losses almost at the same time-if you don't like me to personalise so much,excuse me for this...-;now she's posting everywhere and,in her personal life,she's at the point of publishing a book while she's already writing a second one.She is reviving Brokeback bonfire,she didn't allow that sun sets on the mountain...Take your torches and just DO IT,YOU TOO.Please,do it,please...
