Topic: Heath Ledger - In Loving Memory

[Tony]

  Dear Heathlover---am sorry you are continuing in that first stage of grief, which is pretty much exhausting.  Please don't feel unusual or
a misfit because you loved Heath and yet never met him.  There are still people fiercely grieving that Nascar driver who died (and race-cars fans
aren't known to be overly romantic), and there are millions of people in various countries who still grieve a political leader they felt was worth
their love.  It's not so unusual for someone to touch people from a distance and to cause admiration or even love.
  In your case, and for many of us here, it was more intensely personal.  You found in Heath all those qualities that meant something to you,
and then his little quirks only made him more believable, more human, more loveable.
  In the first weeks of this thread, there was enormous comforting from people's posts, and beautiful poems, so that much of our means of healing
each other are near to exhausted.  I wish there were something I could say to help you heal up.  But all I know to say is that it was not wrong
for you to love him, but it is wrongful to become depressed for too long.  Heathlover--it's not like you must be loyal by suffering.  You're not
going to forget this love.  There is no wrongness to carrying him with you, all your life, not suffering, but remembering.  Letting yourself heal up
is not disloyal.  With you, and others, Heath ain't going nowhere.  He stays.  But please be good to yourself.  It's a long journey, and it need not
be painful.

[Matt Nasty]

perfectly put tony, you truely have a great perspective on things

[hpv]

Having an awful day for some reason. Heath seems to be everywhere here. I actually got to go to Vegas and be with the Brokies for a while........... for now you Brokies are my addiction, and I love you all

My dear jessica...    here is some     back.

[hpv]

I can hardly take it anymore. I cry every single day...............the pain is unbearable. He is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing when I go to sleep.Thanks for reading this. I needed to put my feelings in writing, even if it's just for me.
You guys are all great, and believe me, for all of those who grieve for Heath, I feel your pain and I hate to think of any of the wonderful people on here feeling as horrible as I do.

Don't feel guilty for putting your mourning in words, I think that's the second/new phase of it, it started to sink in, that that's final and there is nothing you can do to undo it unfortunately... :\'(    but that's why we are here for the support ,kind word and the understanding of what you are going through....

[hpv]

That is such a beautiful picture.  I was messing around trying to make a BBM art
today and and here's what i came up with...it's my first one. 

That's just amazing!!!! Thank you for sharing!!  

[Tony]

   Thanks, Matt, but you have a lot to offer, too, when a Brokie is having a relapse.  I tend to get wordy. Hpv gives really heartfelt hugs.
Some of the others are great at just sharing the same feelings.  But you and Emzan, and other free spirits---you also make it all work better,
when someone is feeling down.  I guess we each heal each other and hang tough, in different ways--all of equal worth.  And that includes you.

[heathlover1]

   Thanks, Matt, but you have a lot to offer, too, when a Brokie is having a relapse.  I tend to get wordy. Hpv gives really heartfelt hugs.
Some of the others are great at just sharing the same feelings.  But you and Emzan, and other free spirits---you also make it all work better,
when someone is feeling down.  I guess we each heal each other and hang tough, in different ways--all of equal worth.  And that includes you.

I posted something on here about 10 minutes ago, and it never showed up. It took forever to write!

[Matt Nasty]

   Thanks, Matt, but you have a lot to offer, too, when a Brokie is having a relapse.  I tend to get wordy. Hpv gives really heartfelt hugs.
Some of the others are great at just sharing the same feelings.  But you and Emzan, and other free spirits---you also make it all work better,
when someone is feeling down.  I guess we each heal each other and hang tough, in different ways--all of equal worth.  And that includes you.

yes i suppose, we are all here for each other and can all help one and other with this grief


heathlover have you tried using the back option on your computer to get back to the message that didnt post correctly?

[FlwrChild]

  heathlover, I hope Matt's suggestion works for you. And I really hope you're able to break through the stage of grief you're in right now. I have good days and bad, but the good are starting to outweigh the bad, and even when I cry, I guess I feel like there's something positive in it, because his energy and spirit just seem to be a part of all the things I feel. Don't know if that makes any sense, but I'm sending you    and love as well.

[heathlover1]

yes i suppose, we are all here for each other and can all help one and other with this grief


heathlover have you tried using the back option on your computer to get back to the message that didnt post correctly?

Yes, more than once. I'm really frustrated now.

[heathlover1]

Figures it works now, but not when I wrote 5 paragraphs. Probably better that nobody saw it anyway.

[LuvJackNasty]

  to everyone. I'm still having bad days but some good ones too. I took a short break from the forum and I didn't cry on those days but it came at the expense of not being a part of everything so that wasn't good. First day back I cried but I'd rather that than not be here.

I was just out shopping with my youngest-she's 8. And we had this little convo:

J: Mommy?
M: Yes
J: You know how you're sad about that guy and other people are sad too?
M: Yes Jordan
J: Well I was thinking. Could it work if you all went to his grave and cried there and all the tears of love landed and maybe they'd make him alive again and no one would be sad anymore?

I gave her a great big hug and told her that that was a beautiful idea and I wished it worked that way but it doesn't and she just said "Oh well". Sometimes I wish I was that young again, in some way immune to it all and able to hope that there was some way to make it different.

[Matt Nasty]

to everyone. I'm still having bad days but some good ones too. I took a short break from the forum and I didn't cry on those days but it came at the expense of not being a part of everything so that wasn't good. First day back I cried but I'd rather that than not be here.

I was just out shopping with my youngest-she's 8. And we had this little convo:

J: Mommy?
M: Yes
J: You know how you're sad about that guy and other people are sad too?
M: Yes Jordan
J: Well I was thinking. Could it work if you all went to his grave and cried there and all the tears of love landed and maybe they'd make him alive again and no one would be sad anymore?

I gave her a great big hug and told her that that was a beautiful idea and I wished it worked that way but it doesn't and she just said "Oh well". Sometimes I wish I was that young again, in some way immune to it all and able to hope that there was some way to make it different.

oh what a lovely story so sad i think we all wish we could have this innocence that children have back. thanks for sharing with us.

[Emzan]

to everyone. I'm still having bad days but some good ones too. I took a short break from the forum and I didn't cry on those days but it came at the expense of not being a part of everything so that wasn't good. First day back I cried but I'd rather that than not be here.

I was just out shopping with my youngest-she's 8. And we had this little convo:

J: Mommy?
M: Yes
J: You know how you're sad about that guy and other people are sad too?
M: Yes Jordan
J: Well I was thinking. Could it work if you all went to his grave and cried there and all the tears of love landed and maybe they'd make him alive again and no one would be sad anymore?
I gave her a great big hug and told her that that was a beautiful idea and I wished it worked that way but it doesn't and she just said "Oh well". Sometimes I wish I was that young again, in some way immune to it all and able to hope that there was some way to make it different.

that's the cutes thing I have ever heard. But I have to say that im crying right now :\'(

[jessicat80]

I don't want to isolate, but I can't deal with all the exposure either. I don't know what to do. I'm sick of missing this man so much. I was totally in love with him before his death, and I too feel like I've lost the most important person in my life. I feel like I'm mentally disturbed and should be put away. But then I read posts like this one that remind me I'm not alone.

I'm sick of crying everyday. I'm sick of grieving. I've made no progress since his death. I'm miserable and often think of putting myself out of my misery with the temptation of all the pills that Heath took sitting right in my nightstand. I know I wrote about this before, but the pain is unbearable. He is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing when I go to sleep.

I know there are moments of darkness, but if you look at my prev. post, I mentioned that I felt Heath took pills to find peace of mind-never to choose to leave this world. Any interview he did, it spoke of an absolute respect for his life, and living it to the fullest. To ever choose to end one's life was never something he believed in. This helps to remember when it gets very dark Heathlover1; he didn't believe in that; and I believe in him, which tells me this will all be ok. I know what you mean about it being there when you first wake up. Usually with a death(of someone I've actually met) there is this moment when I would first wake up, then think, "what it different, oh yeah, so an so is gone" with Heath it is just there the second I wake, before my eyes are even open, I know he's just gone. But there are so many things that are still here. There was a moment in Vegas after the memorial, Ethan and I were hugging and crying, and I said it wasn't fair that we get to watch his daughter grow up, and he doesn't. This stuck in my head, and I've come to the acceptance, that, though not fair, it is a privilege; a privilege I don't take lightly; and I will watch her grow up, and bare witness to that beautiful Heath spirit in her that Michelle talked about. I hope you wish to do the same. What he gave us was so special, and in a way, it gave all of us a piece of his spirit. I hope to watch that grow in everyone on this site. Giving up way never his way, he knew the right path to take, he was just cut short from completing it, we have not been. And while it may seem unbearable to walk alone, you forget we are all right there next to you; "you" don't need to be strong enough, "we" are strong enough. Together, we're all going to be alright. Love and Hugs, Jess:)

[babytammy7]

J: Mommy?
M: Yes
J: You know how you're sad about that guy and other people are sad too?
M: Yes Jordan
J: Well I was thinking. Could it work if you all went to his grave and cried there and all the tears of love landed and maybe they'd make him alive again and no one would be sad anymore?

This has touched my heart in ways I can't even describe.  :\'(  :\'(  :\'(  :\'( Damn beautiful. I wish it could be true. If that could work I'd cry a whole ocean over his grave.

[FlwrChild]

jess, that's absolutely beautiful, and so so true. Especially this:

"And while it may seem unbearable to walk alone, you forget we are all right there next to you; "you" don't need to be strong enough, "we" are strong enough. Together, we're all going to be alright."

I add my  to yours, for all of us.

[jessicat80]

jess, that's absolutely beautiful, and so so true. Especially this:

"And while it may seem unbearable to walk alone, you forget we are all right there next to you; "you" don't need to be strong enough, "we" are strong enough. Together, we're all going to be alright."

I add my  to yours, for all of us.

Thanks Flwr , Right back at ya

[JAKELANDIA]

El vendrá una mañana
y me tomará de la mano,
partiremos por fín
hacia el fin del universo.

Nos miraremos amorosamente
y entre sonrisas
haremos de nuestros cuerpos uno solo
envuelto en nubes de amor.

Como en un torbellino,
nos elevaremos sobre la tierra.
Volaremos como pájaros
y seremos felices eternamente.

Os diremos adios a todos,
ya que nuestro viaje es largo
y seguiremos nuestro camino
sin pensar en volver.

La hermosura reinará en nuestros corazones
y estaremos tan felices
que no podremos comprender
como han pasado los años sin sentir.

Miles de estrellas nos han conducido
a otro lugar especial
hacia la verdadera vida
llamada nuestra eternidad.

Esa eternidad que jamás nos hará
volver al mundo real..............

® DAMADENEGRO

[Hayley]

to everyone. I'm still having bad days but some good ones too. I took a short break from the forum and I didn't cry on those days but it came at the expense of not being a part of everything so that wasn't good. First day back I cried but I'd rather that than not be here.

I was just out shopping with my youngest-she's 8. And we had this little convo:

J: Mommy?
M: Yes
J: You know how you're sad about that guy and other people are sad too?
M: Yes Jordan
J: Well I was thinking. Could it work if you all went to his grave and cried there and all the tears of love landed and maybe they'd make him alive again and no one would be sad anymore?

I gave her a great big hug and told her that that was a beautiful idea and I wished it worked that way but it doesn't and she just said "Oh well". Sometimes I wish I was that young again, in some way immune to it all and able to hope that there was some way to make it different.

How sweet..if only it was that simple.. :\'(

Some lovely tributes, moving posts and good advice over the last few days

[heathlover1]

to everyone. I'm still having bad days but some good ones too. I took a short break from the forum and I didn't cry on those days but it came at the expense of not being a part of everything so that wasn't good. First day back I cried but I'd rather that than not be here.

I was just out shopping with my youngest-she's 8. And we had this little convo:

J: Mommy?
M: Yes
J: You know how you're sad about that guy and other people are sad too?
M: Yes Jordan
J: Well I was thinking. Could it work if you all went to his grave and cried there and all the tears of love landed and maybe they'd make him alive again and no one would be sad anymore?

I gave her a great big hug and told her that that was a beautiful idea and I wished it worked that way but it doesn't and she just said "Oh well". Sometimes I wish I was that young again, in some way immune to it all and able to hope that there was some way to make it different.

That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I'm in tears again, of course. If only it worked that way.

[heathlover1]

I know there are moments of darkness, but if you look at my prev. post, I mentioned that I felt Heath took pills to find peace of mind-never to choose to leave this world. Any interview he did, it spoke of an absolute respect for his life, and living it to the fullest. To ever choose to end one's life was never something he believed in. This helps to remember when it gets very dark Heathlover1; he didn't believe in that; and I believe in him, which tells me this will all be ok. I know what you mean about it being there when you first wake up. Usually with a death(of someone I've actually met) there is this moment when I would first wake up, then think, "what it different, oh yeah, so an so is gone" with Heath it is just there the second I wake, before my eyes are even open, I know he's just gone. But there are so many things that are still here. There was a moment in Vegas after the memorial, Ethan and I were hugging and crying, and I said it wasn't fair that we get to watch his daughter grow up, and he doesn't. This stuck in my head, and I've come to the acceptance, that, though not fair, it is a privilege; a privilege I don't take lightly; and I will watch her grow up, and bare witness to that beautiful Heath spirit in her that Michelle talked about. I hope you wish to do the same. What he gave us was so special, and in a way, it gave all of us a piece of his spirit. I hope to watch that grow in everyone on this site. Giving up way never his way, he knew the right path to take, he was just cut short from completing it, we have not been. And while it may seem unbearable to walk alone, you forget we are all right there next to you; "you" don't need to be strong enough, "we" are strong enough. Together, we're all going to be alright. Love and Hugs, Jess:)

I hate thinking about this and bringing it up, but the fact that Heath said he felt "good about dying" didn't make him sound like he was still wanting to live life to the fullest. I was shocked to hear a 28-year-old man, loved by everybody, with a career taking off like crazy, and most importantly with a child. He was very clear about having mixed feelings about living or dying, and that last interviewing was so haunting and I think foreshadowing. I don't think for a moment that he tried to kill himself; don't get me wrong. I 100% believe that he  had an addiction to prescription drugs (I've had that myself), and he accidentally overdosed. In a way, knowing that he felt good about dying was somewhat comforting, but at the same time, that is something only a depressed, lonely person would say, and that makes me feel SO SAD for him. I know how that feels, and I'm sure I'm not alone here.

I always feel good about dying and most of the time hope that I don't wake up in the morning. I doubt very much that Heath felt that way; I think he was just going through a stressful, sad time in his life.

I wish whomever was doing that particular interview had asked him what  he meant by feeling good about dying, and why he would think about such a thing. But they didn't.

It's because of Heath that I didn't kill myself last year. I won't bother going into that whole story and sound like a real nut job, but enjoying him was all I had left, and now all I can do is cherish every interview and incredibly funny, unprepared award show speech that he gave, which are on my site to help keep him alive. Heck, there are 30 of them, and actually you all would probably absolutely cherish each and every one like I do!

He was so politically incorrect, said exactly what was on his mind without thinking about what anybody in a crowded room thought, and was so damn funny, down-to-earth, practiced what he preached, cared about all living things, and there will never be  anybody else like him.

I almost feel mad that he left us. So many people are now deprived of his mere presence on this earth. If he knew how loved  he was and how thousands of strangers were crying over him, he would be totally baffled. To him, he was just any everyday Joe, with no ego whatsoever. He would think we're all nuts!

Anyway, I guess I just needed to ramble. I need to get a life, and get off of myspace. I'm moving to Australia in two months, and I need to start preparing. Hard to do when you can't get out of bed all day!

Thanks for reading this, if you made it through. And i thank you all so very much for your support. I wish I knew what it would take for me to stop feeling totally alone. I guess I better  up the anti-depressants.

[Matt Nasty]

I hate thinking about this and bringing it up, but the fact that Heath said he felt "good about dying" didn't make him sound like he was still wanting to live life to the fullest. I was shocked to hear a 28-year-old man, loved by everybody, with a career taking off like crazy, and most importantly with a child. He was very clear about having mixed feelings about living or dying, and that last interviewing was so haunting and I think foreshadowing. I don't think for a moment that he tried to kill himself; don't get me wrong. I 100% believe that he  had an addiction to prescription drugs (I've had that myself), and he accidentally overdosed. In a way, knowing that he felt good about dying was somewhat comforting, but at the same time, that is something only a depressed, lonely person would say, and that makes me feel SO SAD for him. I know how that feels, and I'm sure I'm not alone here.

I always feel good about dying and most of the time hope that I don't wake up in the morning. I doubt very much that Heath felt that way; I think he was just going through a stressful, sad time in his life.

I wish whomever was doing that particular interview had asked him what  he meant by feeling good about dying, and why he would think about such a thing. But they didn't.

It's because of Heath that I didn't kill myself last year. I won't bother going into that whole story and sound like a real nut job, but enjoying him was all I had left, and now all I can do is cherish every interview and incredibly funny, unprepared award show speech that he gave, which are on my site to help keep him alive. Heck, there are 30 of them, and actually you all would probably absolutely cherish each and every one like I do!

He was so politically incorrect, said exactly what was on his mind without thinking about what anybody in a crowded room thought, and was so damn funny, down-to-earth, practiced what he preached, cared about all living things, and there will never be  anybody else like him.

I almost feel mad that he left us. So many people are now deprived of his mere presence on this earth. If he knew how loved  he was and how thousands of strangers were crying over him, he would be totally baffled. To him, he was just any everyday Joe, with no ego whatsoever. He would think we're all nuts!

Anyway, I guess I just needed to ramble. I need to get a life, and get off of myspace. I'm moving to Australia in two months, and I need to start preparing. Hard to do when you can't get out of bed all day!

Thanks for reading this, if you made it through. And i thank you all so very much for your support. I wish I knew what it would take for me to stop feeling totally alone. I guess I better  up the anti-depressants.

i dont think heaths overdoes was an addiction to precscription drugs more than a bad mix of prescription drugs, i have seen the interview you mentioned and i thought the comment on his death was very spooky i mean why would the interviewer bring that up?? but i dont think he meant for one minute he didnt care if he lived or died he was just saying he could die a happy man knowing he would live on in his amazing daughter, i think fate works in mysteriouse ways and this interview this comment he made was to let us know he is okay like to let us know he isnt sad, sorry i would like to write more but ive made myself cry and cant think clearly.

id just like to add one thing hathlover dont up the anti-depresents its not the way to go about this you dont want to accidentaly overdoes we've had enough of that just becareful.

[chameau]

If you don't mind... this is a reminder from the Mod Squad. This thread is a memorial to Heath Ledger not a gossip chat board, huh?  Please avoid to post here any assumptions since they are not proved and confirmed facts.

Thank you! 

[heathlover1]

If you don't mind... this is a reminder from the Mod Squad. This thread is a memorial to Heath Ledger not a gossip chat board, huh?  Please avoid to post here any assumptions since they are not proved and confirmed facts.

Thank you! 

Sorry. I guess this isn't the place for me, because that hurts to express my feelings and have it called gossip. Gossip to me would be if I said something like "I think he committed suicide," and I emphasized that I don't think that. I HATE what I consider to be gossip. And if you knew the amount of time devoted to my Heath site on myspace, and all of the people I try to help who thank me every day, you would probably know what a slap in the face that is.

I guess I'm not good at following rules, especially if I don't know what would be considered "gossip."

If this sounds angry, I don't mean it to be. E-mails always sound angry. I'm just confused and disappointed and sad.

I really thought I had found another support system here. But what works for some doesn't work for everybody.

Good bye. It was nice exchanging a few posts with those of you who were so incredibly kind and supportive. I greatly appreciate it. Take care everybody.

[Lis]

to everyone. I'm still having bad days but some good ones too. I took a short break from the forum and I didn't cry on those days but it came at the expense of not being a part of everything so that wasn't good. First day back I cried but I'd rather that than not be here.

I was just out shopping with my youngest-she's 8. And we had this little convo:

J: Mommy?
M: Yes
J: You know how you're sad about that guy and other people are sad too?
M: Yes Jordan
J: Well I was thinking. Could it work if you all went to his grave and cried there and all the tears of love landed and maybe they'd make him alive again and no one would be sad anymore?

I gave her a great big hug and told her that that was a beautiful idea and I wished it worked that way but it doesn't and she just said "Oh well". Sometimes I wish I was that young again, in some way immune to it all and able to hope that there was some way to make it different.

Aww, she is adorable!! I wish it was that easy as well, her words almost made me cry  :\'(

[Matt Nasty]

Sorry. I guess this isn't the place for me, because that hurts to express my feelings and have it called gossip. Gossip to me would be if I said something like "I think he committed suicide," and I emphasized that I don't think that. I HATE what I consider to be gossip. And if you knew the amount of time devoted to my Heath site on myspace, and all of the people I try to help who thank me every day, you would probably know what a slap in the face that is.

I guess I'm not good at following rules, especially if I don't know what would be considered "gossip."

If this sounds angry, I don't mean it to be. E-mails always sound angry. I'm just confused and disappointed and sad.

I really thought I had found another support system here. But what works for some doesn't work for everybody.

Good bye. It was nice exchanging a few posts with those of you who were so incredibly kind and supportive. I greatly appreciate it. Take care everybody.

what you said aswell as what i said was gossip yes we expressed our feelings about heath no one is disputing that fact cham just sent a friendly reply to tell us this is the place to send a tribute not talk about our feelings on his interview  i am sorry you felt it neccisary to deleat your account IMO this was not a neccisary thing to do good bye heathlover1 i hope you see fit to rejoin us some day.

[jessicat80]

El vendrá una mañana
y me tomará de la mano,
partiremos por fín
hacia el fin del universo.

Nos miraremos amorosamente
y entre sonrisas
haremos de nuestros cuerpos uno solo
envuelto en nubes de amor.

Como en un torbellino,
nos elevaremos sobre la tierra.
Volaremos como pájaros
y seremos felices eternamente.

Os diremos adios a todos,
ya que nuestro viaje es largo
y seguiremos nuestro camino
sin pensar en volver.

La hermosura reinará en nuestros corazones
y estaremos tan felices
que no podremos comprender
como han pasado los años sin sentir.

Miles de estrellas nos han conducido
a otro lugar especial
hacia la verdadera vida
llamada nuestra eternidad.

Esa eternidad que jamás nos hará
volver al mundo real..............

® DAMADENEGRO

Is there an English translation for this, it's one of my favorite photos of Heath, but I wish I understood what the words were, and how they connect to remembering him:)

[FlwrChild]

LuvJackNasty and I made this tribute vid. We hope you like it.


http://youtube.com/watch?v=IziYmwA3ago

[B_Mountain_Girl]

Can't even describe what I felt seeing this video.
Suddenly I realized he had become a LEGEND… and no legend has ever died.
Yes, he was a Hollywood Star... but for me, who he really was in life, it is all that matters.
The more I read about this man, it makes me think we could have been perfect copies. As I am looking in a mirror of my life lived by him. Is not the profession he had, but how he lived his entire life.

It took about 3 days before his death hit me really hard.
I can't say that I knew Heath, yet there is this power that hovers over me and I have no idea why. It makes me feel as I am supposed to do something, and I don't have a clue.
I wake up in the morning, and my mind start winding from one memory to another connecting every move I make, with Heath.
It's not like I need a life… I do have one, and a pretty busy one; I don't sit and sulk all day doing nothing but thinking of him, and I can't say I am depressed either. 
But I feel, in death he became this power of millions of particles, touching every one of us.
I have grieved before, no one knew my pain because no one knew the person I've lost.
Why Heath has this effect on me? Why the pain of "losing" Heath is greater than the other?
I am a very rational person, yet I can't find any plausible explanation. 

FlwrChild and LuvJackNasty... thank you.